It's Only Love(82)

“So do I.” While Hannah was off gathering what Ella needed for a sleepover, it occurred to Ella that she might never understand why he’d reacted the way he did. And wouldn’t that be awesome? To have the rest of her life to try to figure out what had gone so terribly wrong with the man she loved beyond all reason. That thought was the most profoundly depressing of the many thoughts she’d had since it all went bad earlier.

Hannah returned with clothes, a toothbrush, a pillow and a blanket. “Make yourself at home. Anything you need.”

“What if Nolan wakes up, and I scare the hell out of him?”

“He was awake just now, and I told him you’re staying.”

“Thanks again, Hannah.”

“Any time. This is what big sisters are for.”

When she was settled on Hannah’s comfy sofa, Ella stared up at the dark ceiling for what seemed like hours. She had no way of knowing for sure how much time went by, but sleep remained elusive. She must’ve drifted off at some point because the sound of someone pounding at the door woke her up.

For a moment, she couldn’t figure out where she was. But then she remembered coming to Hannah’s and spending the night on her sofa. She also remembered the disaster with Gavin and began to ache all over again.

She heard movement in Hannah’s room and heavy footsteps leading to the door. It opened, and she heard Nolan’s tense voice along with that of another man.

“What’re you doing here?” Nolan asked.

“Came to see my boy for the holiday. Ain’t that allowed?”

“It’s the middle of the night. Have you been drinking again?”

“You ever get tired of being so high and mighty, boy?”

Feeling as if she were intruding in her brother-in-law’s business, Ella wanted to shrivel up and disappear.

“Are you awake?” Hannah whispered.

“Yeah.”

“Sorry about the disturbance.”

“What’s going on?”

“Nolan’s father. He comes to visit every now and then.”

“In the middle of the night?”

“Always in the middle of the night.”

Listening to Hannah, Ella realized everyone had their own burdens to carry. Some were just heavier and more obvious than others.

“Messes him up for days afterward.”

“Should I go? I could sneak out the back door. If you guys need some time alone . . .”

“No, it’s fine. We have to get up soon anyway.”

Nolan came back in a few minutes later, wearing only a pair of sweats that showed off his muscular shoulders, chest and abdomen. He went directly to Hannah. “Why are you up?”

“Just checking on you. Is he gone?”

“For now.”

“What did he want this time?”

“What does he always want?” Nolan asked with a weary sigh. “Sorry about that, Ella.”

“Please don’t apologize. I’m grateful for the loan of your sofa.”

“Our sofa is your sofa.” His arm around Hannah, he said, “Come on, honey. Let’s get you back to sleep. You promised you’d take it easy if I agreed to the trip. I’m going to hold you to that.”

“Yes, dear,” Hannah said. “We’ll see you in a couple of hours, El.”

“I’ll be here.”

They went into their room and closed the door, but Ella could hear them whispering. She wanted what Hannah had—a man who cared so much about her that there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her or let her do for him. She wanted the love, the commitment, the promise of forever. Unfortunately, the only man she wanted all that with was eternally unavailable to her.

She’d meant what she said earlier to Hannah. After what happened tonight, she wasn’t sure she could allow him back in again. It hurt too much—more than ever this time after what they’d shared over the last couple of weeks. Here she thought they’d made so much progress. But they’d never gotten past the starting line if it had come undone so easily.

Hannah was right about the trip. It would do her good to get away for a week, to give them both some space to think about what’d happened and what, if anything, they were going to do about it. Right now, in this moment, she didn’t believe anything could be done. Maybe she’d feel differently a week from now. Only time would tell for sure.





CHAPTER 25




Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it

alone. His own burden in his own way.

—Anne Morrow Lindbergh



Gavin sat outside Ella’s house all night, but she never came home. He thought about driving around to her siblings’ homes to find her but decided that tracking her down when she didn’t want to be found would do nothing to help his case. And what case did he plan to make? He wasn’t sure exactly. All he knew was he had to try to explain himself to her and beg for yet another chance.

How many chances did one man deserve from a woman before she decided he wasn’t worth the bother? He had to be getting close to wearing out his welcome with Ella. Except he kept hearing her tell him she loved him. She’d loved him as recently as yesterday. Hopefully he hadn’t killed all that love with his ham-handed reaction to her gift.