In a Book Club Far Away(44)

“I… yes, absolutely. I don’t want you to think my shock is about that. It’s just that I thought…”

“I thought, too, for a long time. Even in the haze of Gen’s babyhood, my eye was on the prize of a second baby. I was an only child, and I wished I had a sibling, especially when we upped and moved around. I wanted a playmate. Now that my parents are old, I wish I had someone to commiserate with, someone to help me take care of them. But I don’t know if those reasons are good enough, because somewhere deep inside, I’m no longer feeling it.” She shook her head. “I don’t know why. Two babies makes so much sense. It’s the perfect number. You have two babies. One each for you and Jasper. One each for me and Matt. It’s what I always pictured. A white colonial with a wraparound porch, a long driveway, and a picket fence. Two babies and a dog.” She looked up to Sophie’s wry expression.

“Ah, Ad, it never does quite turn out that way.” Sophie laughed. “Goodness, I can’t even remember what my dreams were when I was in my twenties. Life pushes us in different directions. Sometimes it’s hard enough to just keep one foot in front of the other.”

“And we’ve made choices to accommodate for the surprises or to try something new, right? Like living in a town house instead of picking a colonial.”

“True,” Sophie nodded. “Like going to grad school in the middle of a deployment.”

“Soph.” Adelaide dug deep into what she’d wanted to ask, to the bottom of it. If there was someone to ask, it was Sophie, who had been on this Army life road longer than her, who had survived it. “What if I want different? It’s okay, right?”

“Of course it is.” Sophie’s answer was swift and quick. Then, she took a moment, looked down into her coffee. “We’re not saddled with permanence, you know? Sort of like the books we read, the characters. We get to have an arc, too. We get to change, even if it’s unexpected. But I do think we’ve got to let someone know when things change. Like the characters in books, they’ve got to talk to one another.” She wiggled her phone in the air.

“Maybe you’re right,” Adelaide said.

Their conversation trailed when a nurse came in to take vital signs, and in the break, Adelaide thought of Matt and her mother, the other characters in her life’s book. It was one thing to think about and want change, and it was another to actually admit it.





CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Adelaide




December 2011

Before Adelaide knew it, the snow came in full force, and it was Christmastime.

Three months down, and six to go in this deployment.

Deployments passed much more quickly when Adelaide had things planned, when she had things to do. Distraction, after all, was the best solution to malaise. And while she’d allowed herself to grieve the loss of another pregnancy, to dither about what her life could have been if she had been the one pregnant was useless. So she’d decided to try to just “get over it.”

Still, Adelaide regressed, at times. When their spouses came home in six months, Sophie would have thriving twins to meet Jasper, and Regina would have a baby—a baby! And what was Adelaide going to have to show for it?

Adelaide dipped the paintbrush into the can with a little more force than she’d intended and got her thumb and index finger painted along with the brush, ruining her manicure. Alone, on her knees in Regina’s spare bedroom, soon to be nursery, she took a deep breath.

She was doing a lot of that these days, this deep breathing.

She glided the brush against the baseboards, turning them from natural brown to white. Regina had wanted a white nursery. White on white, with pops of yellow. And Adelaide had agreed to help. She was more than willing to fill her days, even if it was just to volunteer to decorate.

“I wish I could help you,” Regina said from the kitchen, where she was chopping veggies.

Regina was only twelve weeks pregnant—she finally had her first appointment a couple of weeks ago, which Adelaide had attended—and while Regina wasn’t showing yet, Adelaide could already tell a difference in her. Regina was a little fuller in the face; she glowed. “No way. Even if this paint is supposed to be fume-free, why risk it?”

“I just feel really useless.”

“You’re not useless. You put up your Christmas decorations. You’re getting ready for your mom’s visit. You go to work every day. You’re growing a baby.”

“I guess I am, right?” She lay a palm against her belly. “My mom’s going to freak when she sees me. Honestly, sometimes I forget I’m pregnant. Since my morning sickness went away, all I feel is a little bloated, though I’ve been perpetually hungry. I’ve been cooking up a storm.”

I would never forget. Adelaide’s brush went off course with the thought.

“I hope you don’t mind some vegetable fried rice for lunch. I’m trying this new recipe out.”

Adelaide was thankful for the change in subject. “I’m more than happy to taste test every one of your dishes through whatever cravings you may have.”

“Have I said how great you are? Sophie, too. Especially on the day I found out I was pregnant. I was in shock, and if it wasn’t for the both of you—”

Eyes on her work, Adelaide steadied her hand. “That’s understandable. We’re on our own, not exactly ideal for finding out such life-changing news.”