I Am Watching You(57)

The news from Spain has been going round and round in circles for hours and it is doing my head in. All the major channels have pulled back on the coverage as it is getting repetitive.

I keep thinking of the Ballards in Cornwall. What must this be like for them?

And there it is again. That knot deep within my stomach. Because this really is it. The reckoning. No escaping the fact that I was right to feel guilty. That Karl or Antony or both of them took that girl and did God knows what, all because I made the wrong decision. Because I made a snap judgement. Because I got on my high horse over Sarah’s behaviour.

I can feel my lip trembling but I chastise myself. No, Ella. This is not about you; this is about Anna. This is about facing up to it all now.

The only mystery that remains: the postcards. The noises at the shop. Who has been rubbing my nose in it? The postcards cannot be from Karl or Antony if they’ve been abroad all this time. So if it’s not Mrs Ballard – who?

The key in the door at last . . .

I wait for the sound of the door clicking closed. The clumping of the overnight case. And to my dismay, it is a trigger. By the time he is in the doorway, I am openly sobbing.

‘Oh my God, Ella. It’s all right, love, I’m here now.’

His arms around me. My Tony. And I am all at once grateful for those arms and yet guilty also because I still haven’t been one hundred per cent straight with him.

‘There, there, love. Come on now.’

‘It’s all right. I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry.’

And then, after I finally get a grip, the truth pours out of me. Every single little detail this time. About hiring Matthew secretly to warn off Mrs Ballard when I thought the postcards were from her. About going to Cornwall, against Tony’s advice, and upsetting her. About thinking that someone was watching me at the shop but not being sure if I am simply going mad.

‘Right. That’s it. How about we just close the shop for a little while? You take a break. We get that rip-off company to come back to check the alarms. And you listen to me . . .’ Tony has his hands on the top of my arms, leaning in to make me look right into his face. ‘This is awful. What’s going on in Spain, I mean, and God knows how it’s going to turn out. I’ve been listening on the radio and Anna’s parents must be going through hell. But you didn’t do this, Ella. This madman Karl is doing this. Not you.’

I don’t reply. And now Luke is in the doorway. He looks pale and is shifting from one foot to the other. ‘Really glad you’re back, Dad. And I’m really sorry I didn’t come into work with you, Mum.’

‘Please tell me you didn’t go in on your own?’ Tony grips my arms a little tighter, his eyes wide.

There is a long pause.

‘Totally my bad, Dad. I’ve been so exhausted, so upset. But I’ve just put out some more feelers on Facebook to see if I can find someone to take over the job.’

‘You haven’t shared our personal stuff on Facebook, Luke?’

‘No. No. Course not. I’ve just said I know of a great part-time job. I’ll vet the responses. If anyone good replies, I’ll pass them on to you to see what you think.’

‘Well, that’s good, Luke. Thank you. I expect your mum would rather pick her own staff, but put out feelers, by all means. So long as you don’t share Mum’s personal information. But I really don’t want your mother there early on her own, meantime. Not until we know for sure how all this is going to turn out.’

‘But it can’t be the guy on the train, Dad. The person sending the postcards. Not if he’s been in Spain all this time.’

‘Could be the other guy from the train. Or some random nutter. Please, Ella. Just do as I ask from here on, will you? Yes?’ Tony loosens his hold and leans forward to kiss me on the forehead and to wrap his arms around me.

Luke then disappears to make more coffee, and I know exactly what is going to come next from Tony. Sure enough, he is absolutely horrified that I have involved a private detective without telling him. He tries very hard not to sound angry but the disappointment on his face kills me.

‘I thought you had told me everything.’

‘I’m sorry. I honestly thought I could spare you and sort it all out myself without worrying you, Tony. With everything you’ve got on. Luke. This promotion.’

‘Never mind what I’ve got on, I just can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me. And going to Cornwall? I told you that was a bad idea.’

‘I know. And I guessed you would be cross and I just kept digging, I suppose. Trying to resolve it on my own. I do see now it was stupid to keep it from you. I’m so sorry, love. But I was honestly so sure it was Mrs Ballard to start with, and I didn’t want to make it worse for her, to get her into trouble by going to the police.’ I then tell Tony everything else. That Matthew has been liaising with a contact in the force in Cornwall. It is such a huge relief not to be keeping this to myself anymore, especially as Matthew has suggested we meet after his hospital visit so that he can update me. Now I won’t have to lie to Tony.

Sure enough, Tony says he wants to meet him ASAP. To put him straight.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I don’t think it’s right to be liaising with someone outside the force right now.’

‘OK. But you might feel differently when you meet him. He’s a nice man. Ex-copper and very experienced. He was the one who insisted I give the postcards to the police.’