I Am Watching You(31)
‘We just felt so guilty. For swanning off to do other stuff. That’s the truth.’ Paul is fidgeting with his belt buckle. ‘We shouldn’t have taken it out on you.’
‘You’re sorry you said it . . . but you still think it’s my fault?’
Sarah keeps her gaze on the boys. They had been the most outspoken when they had the row.
‘It’s those men. If they could just find those men.’ Jenny again.
Finally, Sarah takes a deep breath. ‘So – how did the TV appeal go? Many calls? I’ve got my phone back but not enough data to see it.’
The ice broken, they babble about how much the appeal helped. Loads of calls, apparently. Sarah lies again and says the pills really were an accident and they’re not to worry.
‘So you won’t do it again?’ Jenny’s tone is urgent.
‘No. I won’t. I promised my mum I would be more careful, and I couldn’t put her through that again. It was completely stupid. So tell me then. This TV appeal. What exactly did they show?’
Jenny says that she’s really pleased they used the lovely video of Anna, and also one of the photographs that she emailed the producer of the programme, but her mother was upset that her interview had been cut back so dramatically.
‘They edited out all the bits of her talking about other missing girls who have turned up and her saying that no one should give up hope – that any piece of information might be key to finding Anna alive.’
Everyone is silent for a moment.
Sarah closes her eyes again.
And then her mother is suddenly back in the room, ushering everyone out and saying that the staff have bent the rules and they don’t want to push their luck.
They each say goodbye and sorry, yet again.
After they have gone, Sarah’s mother sits on the chair next to the bed and fidgets. She smooths her skirt over and over.
‘What’s the matter, Mum?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Yes, there is.’
Her mother pours some cordial into Sarah’s empty glass and tops it up with water from the plastic jug. She examines the box of fudge as if reading the description on the back.
‘OK. So the police have been in touch again, Sarah. And of course the doctors say you are too poorly to see them. I wanted to keep this from you. You’ve been through quite enough but apparently they do want another little chat with you once you’re home, so I thought you should know. Prepare yourself. So it doesn’t set you back.’
‘What about? What do they want to talk to me about?’
‘Apparently there have been some more witnesses from the club. After the TV appeal. That’s all I know.’
‘But I’ve told them everything. Everything I know.’
‘I know, love.’
‘No. I don’t want to talk to them again.’
‘OK, love. I understand. No need to upset yourself. I’ll try to explain to them that you need to rest.’
And now Sarah is leaning back on her pillows, closing her eyes and trying once again to block out the echo of Anna’s voice. The desperation on her face that night in the club.
Please, Sarah. I don’t feel safe. I’m begging you. Please . . .
CHAPTER 19
THE WITNESS
About that promise I made to Tony not to do any more early stints at the shop on my own until the new alarms are installed . . . Well. You try getting a depressed teenage boy out of bed at the crack of dawn.
It’s hard to be too cross. Luke promised he’d keep up the job until we find a replacement, but he wanders round like a zombie now. Always looks so tired. We’re letting him stay off school for a few more days while everyone adjusts to what’s going on with Emily. But it’s hard to know how to play it.
This morning I banged on his door early, but no answer. I checked later and he just looked terrible. Bad headache, too – so I gave him some tablets and asked him to join me when he can. Tony is in Bristol so I have a dilemma. Duty to my customers versus safety and my promise to Tony. The only upside is the police have been pretty good. It’s probably guilt for letting my name get out. They’ve been sending a patrol car past the house and shop every so often just to bump up ‘presence’. They seem pretty sure it’s just a saddo, but we’re getting new alarms for the shop anyway, and I’m trying to tell myself it is all covered now.
The bottom line is that I decide to pop in early on my own – just this once – and will keep pestering Luke. He passed his test recently and Tony got him a Mini, so he can zip down in that once he’s up to it.
By the time I arrive at the shop, I’ve messaged Luke twice more but had no reply yet. To be honest, I’m sad he wants to give up the job. Luke has been helping out at weekends since he was about fourteen; he used to be so keen and he’s good with the customers. It made sense all round – it’s extra money for him and I feel it instils a bit of discipline. Plus understanding what it actually feels like to be paid by the hour – both the slog of it and also the satisfaction when the day is done.
Tony’s trip to Bristol is important vis-à-vis this promotion – they’re deciding if they should rebrand their cereals – and I’ve decided I won’t let him know about this. He’ll get upset and worry about me being on my tod here in the dark.