House of Royale (Secret Keepers #4)(47)

The poor chick probably wasn’t even at fault. No doubt she was being forced into this as well.

“Guess that’s why your mom was such a cold bitch to me,” I said with a harsh laugh. “No doubt this bond between secret keepers and overlords has her a little worried.”

Xander captured my hand. “I don’t care what my parents want, but I have to think of my people. They need change, and my mom is not going to be the one to bring that about. If I walk away from her control now, I walk away from my future as the ruler.”

“I would never ask you to do that,” I said sadly. It was too much to take away the very thing that made Xander who he was. He’d resent me one day for sure.

He reached up to cup my chin, brushing a finger across my cheek. “I’ve bargained for a few more years of freedom. I can offer you that much.”

A single tear escaped from my eye. I lowered my head so I could wipe it away without him seeing. “It’s not enough for me,” I murmured when I had my emotions under control. “I’m sorry, but … I deserve more than that. I’m not going to be the mistress while you wait for the wife.”

Xander shook his head, a rough, angry movement. “It’s not like that. This is why I tried to stay away from you, why I told everyone from the start that I was not the Daelighter for you.”

“So why are you doing this?” I asked. “Why even start anything with me under the pretense of it being a casual fling?”

He didn’t answer straight away, and I was pretty sure that was the end of the conversation. I turned to move toward the door, done with this heartbreaking moment. Xander wasn’t free to be with me, not ever. At least I could comfort myself with the fact that I’d found out now, and not years down the track. I’d only known him a short amount of time. My heart was surely strong enough to recover from one afternoon with him.

Right?

“Because you’re perfect,” he said, voice low and vibrating with emotion. I paused, desperate for him to say more. “I thought I was strong enough to resist you, but … there was no way.” His voice got louder as he moved closer. “I hoped we could have a casual relationship and eventually I’d get you out of my system.”

His heat pressed along my spine and I fought the urge to lean back into him.

“But … one afternoon with you is not even close to being enough. I want so much more … I crave you.”

I squeezed my eyes tightly closed, biting my lips to stop the tears from pouring free. “Why do you call me Avalon?” I asked, because that random question was the only thing I could think of in that moment that wouldn’t make me cry.

His breath brushed across my neck. “You don’t know this, but an avalon is a revered animal in Royale. Your parents must have learned about them here, or otherwise it’s a huge coincidence. This creature is rare and is considered the most beautiful of all. When I first heard your name, it struck me that you are as rare and incredibly breathtaking as our avalons. You’ll always be Avalon to me.”

So much for that question keeping the tears at bay. Hot streams ran down my cheeks, and we both stayed in that position for many aching minutes. “We have to get back,” he murmured. “My mother will come looking for us soon.”

In that moment I hated Lettie, overlord of House of Royale.

She might not know it, but she had crushed one of my dreams—it turned out that the home I had been searching for was not a place at all … it was a person.

And he was out of my reach.





16





I tried not to kill Lettie with my gaze when we returned to the main room. Emma, Callie, and Maya all shot me worried looks, and when I met their eyes, the concern in their faces only increased. I guessed I wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding my feelings.

I was stronger than this though. I didn’t need Xander or his family. The girls were mine, and I counted myself lucky to have them. I crossed to the other side of the room, settling next to Callie.

“You okay?” she whispered to me.

I gave a quick head shake, but when she opened her mouth to ask more, I shook my head again. It was too soon for me to talk about it. I just wanted to focus on the plan.

“We’re heading out now,” Lexen said, stepping away from the Royale overlords. “Tristall tells me that the stream we’re searching for is just beyond this village. Overlords live closest to the energy. That stream is their connection to the network.”

“Great,” I told him. “Let’s get this show on the road. I have a life to get back to.”

Fuck. I was being a bitch because my heart ached. My soul hurt. My mind was tired.

I was tired.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “Just impatient to figure out where this stone is.”

“We understand,” Emma soothed.

They definitely understood, only they were all waiting to enjoy their eternity of being all loved up with their mates. I was just waiting to be alone in my waters again. But, before that happened, I was ready to take Laous down. I might not be getting the fairy-tale ending, but I would make sure all my friends did. I’d be satisfied if that happened.

Xander was somber when he joined us, and it hurt me to see the pain in his expression. At least I would still have my freedom after this, while his life would forever be one of duty. I hated that for him. We both deserved more.