Honeysuckle Summer (The Sweet Magnolias #7)(81)

“Not the way I am now,” she insisted stubbornly. “Come on. You already have Carrie to worry about. It’s not fair to ask you to take on my problems, too.”

“But look at how much better you are already,” he said, gesturing around at the garden to remind her of how far she’d come, quite literally.

“The fact that I can sit outside with you is enough?” she asked skeptically.

He reached for her, then pulled back. “Don’t you know how much I count on you? That’s what matters.”

“But when it came to Carrie, you said you needed to handle it as a family.”

He sighed. He’d known that off-the-cuff comment was going to come back to bite him in the butt. “I never meant to shut you out or to imply that we don’t need you.”

“But that’s how I felt, excluded and unable to contribute anything to Carrie’s recovery.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s so frustrating to me not to be able to be there for her, to be there for all of you.”

“But you have been there for all of us,” he said, mystified by her determination to minimize her role in their lives. “Right now, this time you’re spending with Mandy is as good for her as it apparently has been for you. With so much attention focused on Carrie, it would be easy for Mandy to feel neglected. That’s one less thing I need to worry about right now. Can’t you see how you’ve stepped in and taken up the slack?”

She seemed startled by his analysis. “Really?”

“Absolutely. Mandy needs a woman in her life right now, not that anyone can replace her mother, but just to give her a woman’s perspective on things. You’re providing that. I know you’d do the same for Carrie, if she weren’t being so stubborn.”

“I just feel as if I should be doing more, that you need a real partner.”

“And I feel as if I have one,” he said firmly.

“But Carrie needs the kind of attention I can’t give her because I can’t meet her on her own turf. She hasn’t been back over here since that day we fought. She won’t take my calls.” She held up a hand when he would have interrupted. “And that’s okay. She feels what she feels. But anyone else would have been able to go directly to her by now and make things right. Don’t you see? I’m the grown-up. It’s up to me to fix this and I can’t do it because I’m locked away in this house.”

“All I see is that you’re beating yourself up for something that’s not your fault. Carrie’s not your responsibility. She’s my problem, not yours.”

Raylene looked as if he’d slapped her. He knew at once that he’d said exactly the wrong thing…again. This time, though, he rushed to correct his mistake.

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded, as if you aren’t important. You are.”

“I understood exactly what you were saying,” she said. “And you confirmed my point, that you have to protect poor Raylene from having to deal with the tough stuff.”

“I did not say that,” he said, thoroughly frustrated at having the conversation veer wildly offtrack again.

“You might as well have. I think you should go now.”

“We’re not finished talking about this.”

“I am,” she said quietly, standing up. “I’m sorry, Carter. My instincts were right. We’re not good for each other right now. Maybe that will change down the road, but right now, it’s best if we go our separate ways and deal with our own problems.”

“Dammit all, Raylene, this is crazy,” he protested.

“Haven’t you heard? I am crazy.”

“Oh, for pete’s sake, you are not crazy,” he said impatiently. “No one, least of all me, thinks that. You are, however, the most stubborn, ornery woman with whom I’ve ever crossed paths.”

“How flattering,” she said sarcastically.

He was so outraged that things between them were going to end like this that he impulsively pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Normally he would never have grabbed her like that, but he was too far past frustrated to think straight.

She went perfectly still for the space of a heartbeat, clearly shocked by the kiss, then she started to struggle. The instant he realized that the whimper in her throat was fear, not pleasure, he released her and muttered a curse directed at himself. He dragged a hand through his hair as he looked into her panicked eyes. Though he wanted to reach for her, he kept his arms at his sides.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, his tone filled with self-disgust. “I didn’t stop to think what a sudden move like that would do to you. I was just trying to get through to you how much I care about you.”

Though she’d wrapped her arms around herself to stop herself from shaking, she nodded. “I know that.” She met his gaze, her expression filled with weariness. “Can you see now why this is never going to work? I can’t even respond to a kiss the way I should.”

“Don’t say never,” he pleaded. “I’ll give you time, if that’s what you want, but don’t say you’ll never be ready to try again.”

“Carter, it’s hopeless,” she said, sounding utterly defeated.

“I refuse to accept that.”