Honeysuckle Summer (The Sweet Magnolias #7)(33)

Raylene blinked, then felt a swell of triumph. Emboldened, she took a few more steps, until she was standing in the middle of the sidewalk. The sensation of being outside actually made her feel giddy with relief. Maybe she could do this. Right this second, she almost felt as if she could walk around the block. Maybe even all the way into town.

But then the sound of an approaching car had her tensing. Once again, her heart raced, and the door to the house seemed a million miles away.

As if she sensed Raylene’s sudden fear or simply recognized the first signs of an oncoming panic attack, Dr. McDaniels moved to her side. “Deep, slow breaths,” she reminded her.

The car drove past, and Raylene felt the tension in her shoulders ease.

“Great job, Raylene, but I think that’s enough for today,” the doctor told her, leading the way back inside.

“How long were we out there?” Raylene asked.

“About two minutes.”

“That’s all?” she said, disappointed.

“Come on now,” the doctor scolded. “This is a little like dieting. You have to remember that you didn’t get to this point overnight. Turning it around isn’t going to happen overnight, either. That’s two minutes longer than you’ve been out there before.”

The psychologist studied her intently. “I sense more frustration than usual today. Is there some reason you’re suddenly so anxious to get better?”

Raylene thought about Carter and what it might be like to go on an actual date with him. She’d never really dated all that much. Oh, she’d been out with guys in a group back in high school. She’d even had a steady boyfriend she’d hung out with for a bit during her junior year, but then she’d met Paul.

Because he’d been in medical school and she had transferred to a strict private boarding school, their dates had been rushed, mostly squeezed in between his classes. Occasionally they’d gone on study dates, when his attention had been focused on books, not her. They’d married soon after her graduation from high school.

With everything moving so quickly, there had been no lingering glances over romantic dinners or intense conversations after a fabulous movie. She couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to be courted the old-fashioned way, but lately she desperately wanted to experience it. She credited Carter for stirring that desire.

“I think I’m just tired of staring at the same walls,” she said, not ready to reveal that her sudden rush had anything to do with a man.

“They weren’t closing in on you when we started,” the doctor said, proving that she was intuitive. “You seemed relatively content with your sheltered life. It made you feel safe.”

“True,” Raylene conceded.

“What’s changed?”

Raylene hesitated, then said, “The truth is that I’ve met someone interesting. He’s been by a few times. I can’t help wondering what it would be like to go out with him.”

“Has he been pressuring you to do that?”

“No. Oh, he asked once, but he seems to understand the way things are right now.”

“Wanting to leave the house, especially to go on a date, seems like progress to me,” Dr. McDaniels said, looking surprisingly encouraged. “Could you have imagined feeling this way a few months ago, or even a few weeks ago?”

“Not at all,” Raylene said. “I was content to stay right here, but I have to say that I don’t see how feeling restless the way I do now can possibly be a good thing.”

“It means you’re going to be more highly motivated,” the doctor told her. “Frankly, I’d prefer it if you were suddenly this anxious to get better strictly for yourself, but if wanting this so you can be with someone else helps, I can work with that.”

“Maybe I could take a different medication or a stronger dose,” Raylene suggested.

“No, we’re going to give this one a little more time. Just think about what you accomplished today. I know it must seem like you’re progressing at a snail’s pace, but you are progressing. We need to talk some more, too.”

“About what?” Raylene asked wearily. “We’ve already talked my marriage to death. There’s nothing more to say.”

“Apparently there is, because you’re still locked in this house. Next time, we’ll see if we can figure out what else is going on. In the meantime, I’d like you to go out for two minutes every day.”

Raylene regarded her with dismay. “Without you?”

“You don’t need me. You already know you can do it. If it helps to reassure you, have Sarah or someone else go with you, but I don’t want you backsliding between my visits. Think of it as learning a new skill. The more you practice, the faster you’ll improve.”

Raylene sighed. “Okay, fine.” She walked to the door with Dr. McDaniels but, despite her earlier success, she couldn’t seem to make herself step onto the stoop as she said goodbye. It was as if there was an invisible wall in front of her. She simply couldn’t summon the courage to break through it, not even when she watched in frustration as the doctor merely stepped casually outside and walked to her car. Watching how easy it was for her nearly made Raylene weep. Her earlier sense of triumph disintegrated.

The phone rang as she closed the door, but she tried to compose herself before answering.