Honey Girl(31)

Grace lets out a laugh. “I’m turning twenty-nine in August.”

“Well, almost-twenty-nine-year-old Grace,” she says, “it sounds like you’ve spent a really long time being responsible.”

Grace exhales. “I knew I married you for a reason,” she says, and Yuki laughs. Here, she doesn’t have to be exhausted. She doesn’t have to be burnt out or in need of a break. She doesn’t have to be grieving. She doesn’t have to be responsible. It feels like relief.

Yuki is quiet on the line, waiting.

“Yuki,” she says, heart thumping in her ears. “I want to ask you something that might sound a little crazy.”

Yuki scoffs. “Grace Porter, we got drunk and married in Las Vegas. We have wedding rings I can’t remember getting, and there’s a picture of me looking at you like you hung the goddamn moon. Like, somehow, I knew you were connected to all those millions and billions of stars up there. There’s nothing crazier than that.”

“Billion trillion,” Grace says, biting her lip hard enough to hurt. “Assuming there are about ten billion galaxies, right, and that there are one hundred billion stars in each galaxy. It’s a billion trillion.”

Yuki sighs. “Honey Girl,” she says. “Ask me.”

Grace feels her throat constrict as she tries to formulate the words. She doesn’t know Yuki, not really, but Yuki sees the things relegated to the shadows. She sees the things that are lonely and feared and misjudged. Grace feels seen in Yuki’s stories, and in the way Yuki seems to understand her in ways Grace doesn’t have to articulate. Yuki said she was singing her a song, and Grace can hear it. She wants to follow it, without one of her perfect plans, and see where it leads. She wants to follow this good thing, this girl, she found in the desert. This girl that does not feel like the oppressive work that Grace wants to escape. This girl that feels like new, mutual work that benefits both of them.

Yuki tells her to ask. Grace decides, for once, to tell the little voice in her head that demands she keep going until she has nothing left to shut up.

She asks.



Ten


Grace has never been to New York.

Yuki offered to meet her at the airport. “We can make it a cheesy Hallmark movie,” she said the night before, voice faint through the phone as she painted her nails. “Or, we can make it gay and awkward. Visitor’s choice.”

Grace told her she could do it. She was already imposing on Yuki’s hospitality. She could figure out this part by herself.

Grace
10:35 a.m.
i landed
She waits.

Yuki
10:39 a.m.
do you feel like a new woman?
inhale that nyc air
Grace
10:40 a.m.
remember when i said i could figure out
how to get to the train station
i changed my mind
new york is big and scary and
i haven’t even left the airport yet
Yuki
10:42 a.m.
oh yeah i totally knew you would fuck that up
you had no idea what you were talking about
it was cute i thought i’d let you have your fantasy
Grace
10:43 a.m.
a girl laughed at me because i asked if i was in manhattan
Yuki
10:44 a.m.
of course she did
why would you be in manhattan
laguardia is in queens
Yuki
10:45 a.m.
go outside omg
i’m laughing but i’ll help you
are you outside
Grace
10:48 a.m.
i am outside
i can’t tell if this is better or worse
Yuki
10:49 a.m.
it’s laguardia
outside is better
Grace makes her way outside, already feeling the heat from early summer.

Yuki
10:51 a.m.
the easiest thing to do is to take a car of your choosing
idk your ethics on uber or lyft
or maybe you are a yellow taxicab kind of girl
Grace
10:52 a.m.
it’s so expensive
She has the money from Mom in her savings account, but she still feels afraid to spend it. The sooner she spends it, the sooner she has to make her way back home.

Yuki
10:54 a.m.
i got good tips last night
split the fare with me
Grace
10:55 a.m.
absolutely not
Yuki
10:57 a.m.
marriage is about compromise
welcome to new york grace porter
“I can’t believe you let me do this,” she whispers into her phone while the driver turns the music up. “This is a mistake,” she says. “What was I thinking?”

“What?” Ximena asks. She sounds way too chipper for it to be so early. “Why do you sound like that? Were you stuck next to a baby the entire flight?”

“My seatmate was actually very nice. We exchanged a few pleasantries while boarding and didn’t speak or make eye contact for the rest of the flight.”

“Sounds wonderful. Why so glum?”

“I’m in New York City,” Grace says. “I’m in New York City to meet a girl I married in Las Vegas.”

Ximena makes a thoughtful noise. “Yes, I thought we already knew this.”

“Colonel will kill me if he finds out,” Grace hisses. “I told my parents I’d found a summer research opportunity. I’m not just derailing the plan I’ve had for over a decade, but I’m making shit up about it now. In the contest for World’s Worst Daughter, I’m top two, and I’m not number two.” Her breath hitches, and she covers her eyes with a free hand. She’ll die if she cries in this Toyota Prius.