Honey Girl(29)

Grace smiles. She always feels comfortable with Baba Vihaan. She doesn’t want to leave and face the real world. She wants to sit in this office and listen to him talk.

“I bet you wouldn’t say that to Meera’s face,” she says.

He shrugs. “Maybe not. I like my peace.” He pauses. “She said life after graduation has been hard for you.”

Grace shrugs back. “Harder than I thought it would be,” she says. “Now I have too much time to think, like you said.” She looks up at the ceiling, like she can reach up and pluck the words from the tiles. “Everyone says I need a break, Baba.” It is easier, somehow, to say the words now. “Maybe it’s true. I think maybe I do.”

One hand moves to the top drawer of his desk, which stays locked. “You need money?” he asks.

Grace laughs and ignores how it makes her eyes water. “No,” she insists. “Thank you, but no. Mom sends me some, you know that. And Colonel takes care of me.” She takes a deep breath. “I think maybe I need to leave Portland for a little while.”

“The rain doesn’t make you feel better?” he asks wryly. “These cold, gray skies?”

“Somehow, no,” Grace says. “I’m sorry. I should have given you some notice.”

“Gracie,” he says, disapproval heavy in his tone. “I treat you like one of my own. You are one of my own,” he says, “Rajesh and Meera and Gracie. My kids, you know that.”

He reaches across the desk, and she meets him halfway. Both of his hands wrap around hers.

“I’ll miss the tea room while I’m gone,” she says. “I’m a snob now. I don’t want to get my tea anywhere else. You taught me well.”

“Then don’t stay away too long,” Baba Vihaan says. “I have only the wisdom of my own life to share with you. And my life has taught me to take care of myself, so that I can take care of everything else. You’ll figure out how to do that.”

She spends the next few days lounging around the apartment. There is a foil-covered plate on the counter. There’s a note chicken-scratched on the fridge that says “Eat” and also “Will check on you later.”

Grace heads for her room. She hasn’t slept there in days, but she aches for the comfort of her own bed. Her weighted covers envelope her in warmth and darkness when she crawls underneath them completely. Suddenly, Grace feels happy to have locked her door. She might think too much, get lost in her head, but sometimes she just needs to be alone with her own thoughts.

Her phone buzzes. She sighs, mentally typing out the I’m fine to appease her friends. It could be Mom’s now daily text, checking in to see if Grace is still planning on heading to Southbury soon.

The text is not from any of them.

Yuki
12:23 p.m.
feel free to ignore in case this is weird
but it’s been quiet for a little bit so
i just wanted to ask are you dead?
if yes, did you get a chance to add me to your will
Grace lets out a small, hiccupy laugh. In her world beneath her covers, she’s allowed to focus only on this and not the rest of the big, wide world. She’s allowed to smile at the stupid ring emoji she put next to Yuki’s name. She’s allowed to cry a little at how good it feels to have someone talk to her like she is not broken.

Grace
12:25 p.m.
would you cause a scene at my funeral?
Yuki
12:26 p.m.
10/10 would real housewives that shit.
maybe throw a prosthetic leg or two
Grace
12:26 p.m.
your own or someone else’s
Yuki
12:28 p.m.
why not both, grace porter?
also if you hadn’t understood the prosthetic leg ref
i would have filed for divorce
Grace
12:29 p.m.
you know we’re probably going to hell for this
Yuki
12:33 p.m.
i’m already a lesbian. you can’t go to jail for two things
Grace
12:35 p.m.
you definitely can, yuki
Yuki
12:36 p.m.
i grew up watching law and order svu, i’m basically a lawyer
mostly bc i had a huge crush on olivia benson
but if my parents ask it was for bd wong #asianrep
Grace
12:37 p.m.
am i allowed to laugh at that
Yuki
12:41 p.m.
thank you for asking for permission to laugh
at my niche asian jokes
and yes you can, it was funny
also
me asking if you were dead was code
only cowards ask their wives if they’re okay after days of silence
Grace
12:42 p.m.
yes i’m fine
Yuki
12:43 p.m.
and i watched law and order svu for bd wong
wanna try again or you want me to drop it
Grace sighs and stares at her phone. It’s hard to explain that you are tired, bone-deep, rib-deep, belly-deep tired. It’s hard to explain that someone held their hand out to the stars and said all of these can be yours, and you believed it. You believed the climb and the barrier and the gate would not break you. You spent eleven years ignoring that your mind and body said, Stop, breathe, be kind to yourself, and you punished yourself for even thinking it.

Yuki
12:45 p.m.
that was pushy right
tell me to go away
put me out of my misery
you are legally obligated
but you can tell me
omg i can’t stop talking
Dialing Yuki...
“Grace Porter,” Yuki answers, out of breath. “I was doing that thing where you text something embarrassing and then throw your phone across the room, only it kept buzzing. Because you were calling me.”