Here I Am by Jonathan Safran Foer(97)



NPR: “The ‘March of a Million’ has never been a fitting name. When it was a coherent march, it numbered fewer than fifty thousand. Now it is numerous, uncoordinated campaigns—many origins, with the shared destination of Jerusalem—which some have numbered at two million.”

A PEW poll finds that fifty-eight percent of American Jews believe the United States should enter the war.

Associated Press reports: “Several Bedouin tribes in the Negev claim that Israeli authorities are handing out potassium iodide to the Jewish population near the nuclear site in Dimona, but not to them.”

Israel offers no response to this, or to Turkey’s belligerent rhetoric, or to claims that Israel is targeting civilian utilities in the largest cities of Syria, Egypt, Lebanon, and Transarabia, or to the Transarabian Army’s occupation of the tourist city of Eilat, or to the IDF’s decision to categorically purge Arab Israelis from the Israeli Army, while simultaneously conscripting all Jewish men and women above the age of sixteen for “paramilitary support.”

In major newspapers across America, full-page ads, signed by one hundred evangelical leaders, assert: “We are all Zionists.”

United Nations statement: “With the number of earthquake refugees estimated to exceed twenty million; epidemic cholera, dysentery, and typhoid causing more fatalities than either the earthquake or the war; and an extreme shortage of food, potable water, and medical supplies, the Middle East is facing a humanitarian crisis of unprecedented proportions. We will either respond to this crisis immediately and with overwhelming resolve, or face decades of global instability, and the greatest loss of civilian life since the Second World War.”


DAY 14

Transarabian spokesperson: “Bethlehem and Hebron have not been conquered, they have been reclaimed. This historic victory would not have been possible without our brave brothers from Morocco, Algeria, Libya, and Pakistan.”

The American president to the Israeli prime minister: “It was Mossad. Our plane and Turkey’s.”

“What interest would Israel have in downing a plane of our last non-combatant in the region, much less our closest and most necessary ally?”

“That’s a question for you to ask yourself.”

“I give you my word: Israel was in no way involved with the downing of the American plane.”

Turkey declares war, “in partnership with our Muslim brothers, against the Zionist Entity.”

301 Defenders and 334 Betrayers.

Military assessment given to Israel’s prime minister: “The IDF is nearing collapse in the north and east. The 5th, 7th, and 9th Divisions of the Syrian Army have full control of the Golan Hights, and are preparing an offensive to capture the Galilee. The Transarabian Army has penetrated the Negev.”

Spokesperson for the Israeli settlers, resisting evacuation: “We will die in our homes.”


DAY 15

Ministry of Defense memorandum to the prime minister of Israel:

To follow is our response to your request for three viable strategies to win the war.

Strategy 1: Attrition

Israel has superior medical resources, the disease epidemics are killing at a faster rate than warfare, and a defensive position is less costly to maintain than an offensive one. We will pull back to our defensible borders, enhance our already robust military deployment, and allow the war to be won biologically. We will hasten the process by disrupting lines of medical supply, and more crucially, of water. There are options for taking more proactive steps in this regard, to be discussed in person.

Strategy 2: Overwhelming Act

A nuclear strike would be the most overwhelming display of force, but comes with too many risks, in terms of unmanageable consequences, including reprisals and the American response. Instead, we recommend two dramatic conventional attacks—one in the east, one in the west. The most effective target in the west is the Aswan Dam. Ninety-five percent of Egypt’s population lives within twelve miles of the Nile, and the dam provides more than half of Egypt’s power. With the destruction of the dam, Lake Nasser would run downstream, flooding virtually all of Egypt—massive civilian casualties, certainly in the millions. Egypt would cease to be a functioning society. In the east, we will bomb Transarabia’s main oil wells, crippling the Arabs’ ability to prosecute the war.

Strategy 3: Reverse Diaspora

While the war has exposed a widening gap between American and Israeli leadership, and between American and Israeli Jews, Israel will, with the proper public relations campaign, culminating with a speech delivered by the prime minister, persuade one hundred thousand American Jews to come to Israel to support the war effort.

It will be an enormously costly logistical effort, one that diverts men, equipment, and strategic focus from the planning and execution of military operations. The vast majority of the volunteers will have had no military training or experience, will not be in fighting condition, and will not speak Hebrew. But their presence will force America’s hand militarily. The president of the United States could watch eight million Israeli Jews be slaughtered, but not one hundred thousand American Jews.

Pending your response, we will prepare a full and detailed course of action.





V


NOT TO HAVE A CHOICE IS ALSO A CHOICE





THE I-WORD


“Good afternoon. I want to extend to the people of the region affected by yesterday’s earthquake the deep condolences and unwavering support of the American people. The full extent of the devastation is still unknown, but the images that we’ve seen of entire neighborhoods in ruins, of fathers and mothers searching the rubble for their children, are heartbreaking. Indeed, for a region that is no stranger to suffering, this tragedy seems especially cruel and incomprehensible. Our thoughts and prayers are with the people of the Middle East, and also with all of those around our country who do not yet know the fates of loved ones back home.

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