Here I Am by Jonathan Safran Foer(96)




DAY 9

Under the cover of repairmen, a squad of Israeli extremists penetrates the Dome of the Rock and sets it on fire. The arsonists are quickly detained. The prime minister of Israel issues a statement calling the “attempted arson” a “terrorist plot.”

Financial Times: “Hamas’s declaration of allegiance to the Islamic State marks another step toward the unprecedented unification of the Muslim world.”

From the Israeli minister of health’s report to the prime minister: “Hospitals are operating at five-thousand percent capacity, and the influx of American supplies is neither fast enough nor large enough. A cholera epidemic is inevitable, as are dysentery and typhoid. As war approaches, it is necessary to make difficult decisions regarding priorities.”

In a hastily arranged speech in Azadi Square in Tehran, before a crowd estimated at two hundred thousand, the Ayatollah intones: “O Jews, your time has come! You have burned down our Dome of the Rock, and now your fire will be met by fire! We will burn your cities and your towns, your schools and your hospitals, your every home! No Jew will be safe!”


DAY 10

In his daily address to the nation, the Israeli prime minister says, “Our reasons for this morning’s action are simple: by expelling the waqf from the Temple Mount and deploying the IDF to control it, we can show the world that the damage to the Dome of the Rock is minimal and protect the site for as long as it is in danger.”

Europe’s three largest supermarket chains remove kosher food from their shelves amid fears over protesters. In response, a Tory MP tweets: “JEWS are not ISRAELIS! How DARE YOU! #JewsAreKosher.”

American political commentator, responding to the joint declaration of war by Syria, Egypt, Lebanon, and Transarabia: “It was a necessary response to the IDF taking the Temple Mount, but there have been rocket attacks and air skirmishes for a week. This only makes it official.”

The ultra-Orthodox population in Jerusalem spreads a rumor that “the Messiah is at the door.”

The American president, addressing a joint session of Congress: “Israel must immediately relinquish control of the Temple Mount to an international peacekeeping force, refrain from any military reprisals, and resume its participation in rescue efforts in the Occupied Territories. If Israel fulfills its responsibilities, she will have America’s unconditional and unlimited support.”

AIPAC adds the president to its list of Betrayers.


DAY 11

Guardian editorial: “The issue isn’t so much who raised the Israeli flag on the Temple Mount, but why hasn’t it been taken down? Israel’s inaction seems designed to inflame.”

The caliph of the Islamic State declares temporary unity with the “infidel Syrian government and Hezbollah.”

Turkish Air Force spokesman: “The computer virus that attacked our air control system, leading to this morning’s multiple crashes, was an act of war.”

The Israeli prime minister assures the American president that Israel neither created nor implemented the alleged virus.

The American president offers the Turkish prime minister unprecedented aid and advanced weaponry in exchange for a vow to stay out of the war.

Algeria, Bahrain, Comoros, Djibouti, Iraq, Iran, Kuwait, Libya, Mauritania, Morocco, Oman, Pakistan, Qatar, Somalia, Sudan, Tunisia, the United Arab Emirates, and Yemen declare war on Israel.

The United States ends “executive hold” on the pending sale of 60 Harpoon missiles, 185 M1A1 Abrams main battle tank “upgrade kits,” 20 F-16 fighter jets, and 500 American-made Hellfire II missiles to Egypt. The State Department declines to comment.

President of Columbia University’s Hillel chapter, commenting on the first anti-Israel demonstrations led by Jewish students: “The pursuit of justice, especially when it requires introspection and humility, is at the heart of our mission: to enrich the lives of Jewish students so that they may enrich the Jewish people and the world.”

CNN: “We have confirmed reports that an American cargo plane, on its way to an airfield in the Negev, has crashed.”

289 Defenders and 246 Betrayers.


DAY 12

Cover of the New York Post: the still-raised Israeli flag beneath the headline DOME OF THE MOCK!

Albania, Azerbaijan, Bangladesh, the Gambia, Guinea, Kosovo, Kyrgyzstan, the Maldives, Mali, Niger, Senegal, Sierra Leone, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan declare war on Israel.

The Ayatollah publishes an open letter to “Iran’s Arab brothers” that concludes: “Your reluctance to allow us into the theater of battle will be your own demise. Whatever our differences, this is our moment.”

The American secretary of state offers the Israeli prime minister “as much aid as is needed” in exchange for control over the war and Israel’s nuclear arsenal. After summarily rejecting the proposal, the prime minister asks, “Why isn’t the president on the phone with me right now?”

Young mother in Tel Aviv: “The rockets are relentless, but the city’s sewage has flooded the shelters, so we just wait outside for whatever will happen.”

In Brussels, the president of the European Union delivers a speech in which he says, “The catastrophe in the Middle East reveals a failed experiment.”

Israel declares war “against all of those seeking to destroy the Jewish state.”


DAY 13

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