Her One Mistake(82)

The voices made decisions. They would take me back to the beach, they finally agreed, another lifeboat was already on its way. “Don’t worry,” one assured me. “We’ll find him.”

I wanted to tell them not to bother, Brian couldn’t swim. He’d be long gone by now. He only felt safe dragging us both out to sea because he didn’t think I could either. But my breath came short and sharp and I chose to save it.

In minutes we were on the beach. A policewoman helped me out of the boat and wrapped me in a foil blanket as a paramedic ran toward us. Eventually my shaking body began to absorb the warmth and my head started to clear.

“Where’s my daughter?”

“She’s taken care of,” the paramedic told me, ushering behind her to the far edge of the beach where an ambulance sat, brightly lit, with two or three people milling around it. “Can you tell me your name?”

I screwed my eyes up until Alice came into focus, sitting in the back of the ambulance. Charlotte was at her side, one arm around her shoulders while a man in a green uniform crouched in front. He waved some kind of instrument in front of Alice. I imagined I heard her laugh, which made me smile.

“Do you know your name?” the paramedic asked again, slower and louder this time as if I might not understand. Her fingers pressed into my wrist as they searched for a pulse.

“Harriet Hodder.”

The commotion had drawn a small handful of onlookers who stood together in a huddle, pointing and nodding and drawing their own conclusions about the drama unfolding on the beach. We must have been an exciting surprise to their otherwise boring evenings.

“I need to see Alice,” I said.

“And you will in a minute, but we need to make sure you’re okay first.” She fussed around me. “Do you know what day it is, Harriet?”

“It’s Friday. I haven’t seen my daughter in thirteen days.”

“I understand, Harriet,” she said to me. “And you will soon.” She released her grip on my wrist and carefully laid my hand down at my side. The sand was damp beneath me. “Open your mouth, please,” she asked. I obliged, allowing her to look, then take my temperature, until eventually I pushed her away and begged her to let me see Alice.

The paramedic looked up at the policewoman who stood beside us, silently deliberating for what felt like an eternity. “Okay,” she said finally.

The two women each took an arm and helped me over to the farthest edge of the beach. My legs shook as they carried much of my weight. I was weak from a lack of food and drink, from the coldness of the sea, and the energy I’d used keeping myself afloat.

Alice cried out to me when she saw me coming, pushing herself off the seat.

“Sweetheart!” My voice broke as I pulled away from the women’s hands and stumbled the last few feet to Alice, finally able to wrap my arms around my little girl as I sobbed into her hair. Every other thought ebbed away, and in that moment I didn’t think about what had happened to my husband, or what the future held for me. It was enough just to be back with my daughter.

When I finally looked up, I caught Charlotte’s eye. She was still sitting in the ambulance, anxiously balling the hem of her cardigan in her lap. Tears welled in my eyes at the sight of her. I opened my mouth to speak. I needed to thank her, but surrounded by people, what could I say? Charlotte nodded, a small movement of her head, but her expression was pained as she watched me.

A paramedic told me he still needed to check me, but I assured him I was fine, and as soon as he went around the side of the ambulance, I turned to Charlotte. “Thank you,” I said at the same time she spoke.

“Brian?” she said. “Is he— What happened?”

I looked out to the water and shook my head. “I, erm, they’re still looking for him. I think they—” I broke off and bent down toward Alice. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” I couldn’t bear to think how much she was taking in.

Charlotte stood up and gestured to the seat. “Let’s lie her down,” she said. “I think she’d have fallen asleep if she hadn’t been waiting for you.” She pulled a rough woolen blanket off the seat and, as I picked Alice up and lay her down, Charlotte draped it over her. Crouching down on the floor beside Alice, I stroked her hair.

“They’re going to want to talk to you,” Charlotte said quietly.

I nodded, still watching my baby. Already her eyelids were fluttering. It wouldn’t be long until she drifted off; she was obviously exhausted.

“Harriet.” Charlotte spoke more urgently this time. “The police will want to speak to you any moment.”

“I know,” I said, standing until I came face-to-face with her. “What have you told them? Why do they think you’re here?”

“They haven’t spoken to me yet, but they will, and I don’t know what—”

“Just say I asked you to come because I was scared. Say you knew nothing,” I told her, thinking quickly. “That way there’s nothing that links you. Where’s my dad?” I said. “Is he okay? Is he conscious?”

Charlotte began scratching her wrist until bright red streaks appeared. I grabbed her hand and held it still. “Is he okay?”

“He was unconscious when the paramedics got here,” she said. “I’m so sorry, Harriet, I know this isn’t what you need to hear. He didn’t make it,” she said. “I’m so sorry, but—”