Heart-Shaped Hack(7)
“No, although I feel compelled to point out that the threesome thing is pretty universal.”
“Oh for God’s sake,” she muttered.
“That doesn’t mean we’re all going to try to convince you to participate in one. It’s just that very few guys would be like, ‘Go away, extra girl,’ should one happen to climb into our bed when you’re already in it. That’s all I’m saying.”
Kate had finished her first glass of wine, and the waiter arrived with her second. Ian handed it to her and held up his bourbon. “Cheers to weeding out the *s, Katie.”
Kate clinked her glass with his and said, “Cheers.”
An hour later, after sharing an order of crab cakes and beer-battered fish and chips, which Ian insisted on because “that dick Kent would probably have made you order a salad,” Kate leaned back in her chair and sighed.
“Feeling better?”
“More relaxed anyway,” she said. “Probably because I’m stuffed full of fried food and this is my third glass of wine.”
“In case you were wondering, I’m having a great time.”
“Let me guess. This is all part of your ‘let’s be friends’ campaign.”
“That depends. Is it working?”
Kate tried to suppress a smile.
“I saw that, Katie. I told you, I miss nothing.”
After they finished their drinks, Ian insisted on paying the tab. “I’ll walk you home,” he said. Dried leaves crunched under their feet, and Kate breathed in the smell of wood smoke coming from a nearby chimney.
“This is my street,” she said a few blocks later. “I’m in the tall brick building.”
“I know.”
“How do you know where I live?” Kate asked.
He looked at her incredulously. “You can’t be serious.” He followed her up the short sidewalk to the front steps, and she sat down when they reached the top.
“You’re not going to invite me in?”
“You can’t be serious,” she said, throwing his words back at him. The chill of the cold concrete seeped through her jeans almost immediately.
Ian sat down beside her. “Wow, these steps are really hard and cold.”
“Tell me everything you know about me,” Kate said. She was tired of being blindsided whenever he spouted some new personal detail.
“Let’s see… you turned twenty-nine in September. You have a dentist appointment next week, and the book you placed on hold at the library is ready for you to pick up. You receive a disturbing number of messages on your dating account from men trying to hook up with you or asking to see you naked, which you delete immediately. I have to say I’m truly shocked at what men deem appropriate behavior in the modern dating world.”
“You,” Kate said, pointing a finger at him. “You are shocked.”
“I am. I’m not sure how you women put up with it.”
“The struggle is real. Go on.”
“Your e-mails all include emoticons, usually hearts and smiley faces, and your Netflix queue consists mostly of romantic comedies. Oh, and you’re a 34C. That’s just the stuff I can remember offhand. I’m sure there’s more.”
Kate was horrified. “How do you know my bra size?”
“I scrolled through your order history at Victoria’s Secret.”
“Well, that’s not at all creepy,” she deadpanned.
“Did you know there are items in your shopping cart? Sweaters. Lots of thick, long, skin-covering sweaters. Frankly, it confused me.”
“Maybe I already own plenty of lingerie. Considering I walk to work, sweaters are much more practical. Plus they’re awfully cute.”
“I added a few things to your cart and checked out for you. I paid for it with my credit card. Expedited the shipping too, so you should have it by Monday.”
“You added a few things?”
“One hint: not sweaters.”
“How wildly inappropriate.”
“Kid in a candy store. Couldn’t help myself.”
“How?”
“Excuse me?”
“You’ve obviously hacked into my computer. How did you do it?”
“I came in your backdoor.”
“I’m certain you did not.”
“I assure you that I did.”
“Without even discussing it with me first? No preparation? No warning? Don’t you think that’s incredibly bad form?”
Ian grinned. “Are we still talking about your computer? Because I find you utterly delightful right now.”
“I’m waiting.”
“A backdoor is just a way to gain remote access to a computer. It took me all of two minutes to take over yours.”
“You have access to my computer?”
“Yes.”
A panicked expression appeared on Kate’s face. “Can you see my browsing history?” She’d recently clicked on a link to an article about how to pleasure a man orally, telling herself that it was always prudent to keep one’s skills sharp, especially now that she was single again. That link had led to a plethora of other links covering a host of similar topics, and Kate had spent a rather enjoyable evening sipping wine while clicking and reading.