Heart-Shaped Hack(6)

Kate logged on to her online dating account. Her profile picture had undergone a significant change because she now had two chins and giant puffy cheeks. Even her eyelids looked bloated.

“You FatBoothed me?”

“He seemed awfully concerned with your figure. That just goes to show what kind of man he is. Already micromanaging your wardrobe and diet before he’s even met you. If he had just been patient, he would have seen you in person and realized he had nothing to worry about. It’s his loss.”

Kate peered closer. “What is that above my lip?”

“It’s a mustache. You dark-haired girls have to be so careful about that kind of thing.” Ian gave their drink order to the waiter.

Kate didn’t speak. Her brain was trying to process how everything had gone so wrong in such a short amount of time.

“Katie? Are you okay?” He sounded genuinely concerned. “On a scale of one to ten, how mad at me are you, with one being you still like me and ten being you’d like to castrate me with a pair of rusty scissors?”

“When did I ever say I liked you?”

“It was subtly implied.”

“All I’m trying to do is find a nice guy to spend time with,” Kate said, stunned. “It should not be this hard.”

The waiter brought their drinks. Kate picked up her wineglass and took a rather large gulp. She started to set it down, changed her mind, and took another drink.

“Can I be honest with you?” Ian asked.

“I don’t know, can you?” Kate leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table while she massaged her temples.

“You’re quite beautiful, so I don’t understand why you’d waste your time with online dating.”

Kate should not have cared that Ian said she was beautiful, but she did.

“I use dating sites because I don’t want to go to bars and my girlfriends all work sixteen hours a day. Helena claims her clubbing days are over, so that doesn’t leave me with much. If I meet someone online, at least I have the opportunity to vet them first.”

Ian snorted. “These men all want one thing, and they’ll lie to get it. Using a dating site to vet them is going to get you roofied. It’s really not safe, Katie.”

“That’s why I only meet them in public places. I don’t let them take me home, and I don’t invite them in until I’ve gotten to know them. And I’m not lying. Everything on my profile is true.”

“Congratulations. You’re the only one telling the truth.”

“Well, how do you usually meet women?”

“They have a way of suddenly appearing. Like the birds in that song.”

She had to think about that for a minute. “You mean ‘Close to You’ by the Carpenters?”

Ian snapped his fingers. “That’s the one.”

“How convenient for you.”

He smiled. “Isn’t it?”

“Are you dating one of these women now?”

He sipped his bourbon. “I’m currently between lovers.”

Kate took another big drink. Her glass was more than half-empty, so Ian signaled the waiter for another.

“I feel conflicted,” he said. “It’s like I’m just contributing to your drinking problem now.”

“I do not have a drinking problem! There was a buy one bottle, get one half off sale, so I stocked up.”

“Denial. That’s a shame. Let’s go back to your dating woes.”

“I don’t have woes. I’m just having difficulty getting back out there.” Kate could only admit this to herself, but the thought of jumping back into the dating pool had extended her relationship with Stuart by at least six months.

“Maybe there’s something wrong with you.”

She shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“There could be. Tell me about your most recent lover.”

“Stuart was more than my lover. We broke up six months ago after dating for five years.”

“Why, did you sleep with someone else?”

“What? No.”

“Did he?”

“Nobody slept with anyone else! We grew apart and weren’t the same people at the end of five years that we were when we started dating.”

“Was Stuart a nice guy?”

“He was a great guy. He’s still a great guy.”

“If he was that great, you’d still be with him.”

“I loved Stuart for a long time.”

“But?”

“When it comes to men, you either break up with them or you marry them.”

“Stuart asked you to marry him?”

“Yes. And I said no.” And she’d unintentionally stomped all over his heart in the process.

“Why?” Ian asked.

The wine had already loosened her up a little, and she answered honestly. “Because after five years there was nothing about him that surprised me.” Stuart was like a puzzle with a limited number of pieces; all he really needed to be happy was Kate, his PlayStation, beer, a hot meal, and sex. Kate needed more.

“Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. So you want a nice guy, but you don’t want him to be boring.”

“Yes. Nice and not boring and not into threesomes and no cocaine. I mean, is that too much to ask?”