He Said/She Said(72)

LAURA

4 September 2000

‘I’ve got half a mind to report her for assault,’ said Kit, gingerly easing his foot into a shoe for the first time since his injury. It had been meant for me, and I was in no doubt why. I had never said that it was probably time to put it all behind her now, or asked her what did she expect if she went to a festival on her own, or said that she must have done something to make Jamie think she wanted it, or suggested that on some level she must have enjoyed it. Other people said those things to Beth and worse. They said these things to her in court, then in the press, then on the internet, on the streets of her home town. People said terrible things to win the case or in spite or even out of love, but until that one night, I never had. From Beth’s point of view, it was Tess all over again. I’d drawn her in, only to throw her out.

‘Don’t do that!’ I begged Kit. ‘She’s disturbed. She’s a victim. We can’t turn on her.’ He made the old-man’s harrumphing noise he reserved for the times when he knew I was right but he didn’t want to take me on. I forced myself to speak more gently. ‘I’m not ruling it out. But I’d rather talk it through with her.’

‘And have you?’

He knew perfectly well I hadn’t picked up the phone. I was still going over it in my head. The situation with Beth, once so clear, had been muddied, and I wanted to let the brackish waters of my mind settle before I talked to her.

‘You can’t throw people on the scrap heap just because they fuck up once,’ I countered.

‘It’s hardly a one-off, is it? Turning up at all hours, bringing us over-the-top presents like a bloody cat bringing in mice? You heard what she did to her friend’s car. And that’s before we even get on to the naked photographs. She’s bad news, Laura.’

Despite everything, I still felt protective towards her. ‘Anyone would think you’d forgotten how we met her.’

His nostrils flared. ‘There’s hardly any danger of that.’

We stared at each other, our tempers on a hair-trigger. Kit backed down first, as I knew he would if I waited for long enough; it was rare I exploited his ingrained acquiescence but I made no bones about it now. ‘Look, I really don’t want to fall out with you over her,’ he said. He opened his arms. I leaned against him but let my hands hang heavy by my sides.

I spent two more days trying to think of an opener for my talk with Beth. Cold-calling companies at work was nothing compared to this conversation. Beth’s skin was a thick hide in places, little more than a membrane in others. You never knew how she was going to react.

In the event, she rang us. As soon as I knew who it was I put her on speakerphone. Kit came to stand next to me in front of the phone, arms folded, frowning at the floor.

‘They threw out the appeal.’ Beth’s voice bounced off the walls of our little flat, the machine’s distortion making it impossible to judge her tone. ‘We were right all along. It was eyewitnesses from the campfire. The judges said they weren’t relevant to the issue of consent. All that money spent and he still can’t escape justice.’

‘That’s brilliant,’ I said. If she noticed the detachment in my voice, it didn’t seem to bother her.

‘Can we go out to dinner to celebrate? My treat. To say thanks for everything you’ve done for me.’

I didn’t answer quickly enough.

‘Laura?’

‘I’m here.’ I drew a fortifying breath. ‘It’s just, dinner? After what happened last time. We hardly parted on the best of terms.’

Kit flexed his stockinged foot, an unintentional reminder of what she’d done. Beth didn’t know he was listening in, I registered. The old panic crept in that she might choose now to broach my lie in court.

‘Yeah, well, look . . .’ I recognised the strain of control in her voice. ‘You said things, I said things. I mean, I won’t pretend it didn’t hurt. But I can forgive and forget if you can.’

I felt the weight of Kit’s foot in my lap again, blood oozing from torn skin. ‘It’s hardly the same thing,’ I said. ‘It’s hardly in the same league. You can’t just lash out like that!’

Beth paused before speaking. ‘Laura, emotions run high when you’ve been through what I have.’ It was the first time she’d directly used her ordeal against me; at least I stopped myself from saying she couldn’t use that as an excuse. ‘I don’t understand why you’re being so weird about it. What do you want me to say?’

‘Sorry would be a start,’ I said.

‘Me apologise to you?’ Her breathing went heavy, then stopped altogether.

‘She’s hung up on me!’ I said to Kit. I replaced the receiver with belated gentleness. ‘Why would she do that?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Kit cautiously. ‘She does seem to sort of shut down when you challenge her.’

‘I’m ringing her back,’ I said.

Kit gently put his hand over the receiver.

‘Maybe you should calm down a bit first,’ he said. ‘Your hands are shaking.’

I was shaking all over. The only thing worse than a confrontation is having it snatched away from you. But he was right; if I spoke to her now, I’d say something I regretted.