Hardcore Twenty-Four (Stephanie Plum #24)(23)

Diesel got a couple forks out of the silverware drawer and handed one to me. “That’s a start.”

We dumped the food out onto a common plate and dug in.

“How’s the force feeling today?” I asked.

“It’s not good.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I’ve got a cramp in my ass that won’t go away.”

“Usually that means your cousin Wulf is in town.”

“I haven’t seen him, but it’s possible.”

“I’m going to assume he’s not the source of the ass cramp.”

“Not at this moment.” Diesel got a beer out of the fridge. “I guess that could change.”

Diesel’s cousin Wulf is a dark, mysterious guy with seemingly magical abilities. Diesel regards him as all smoke and mirrors, but I’m not sure. I met him once, briefly, and I couldn’t determine if he was very good or very evil.

“So, are you going to tell me the source of your ass cramp?” I asked Diesel.

“No.”

“It wouldn’t be zombies, would it?”

“Not likely. Personally, I think they get a bad rap.”

“I hear they like brains.”

“That’s the rumor.” He looked down at the food plate. “Are you going to eat that last dumpling?”

“No. I’m full.”

My phone buzzed with a text message from my mom. Your grandmother needs a ride to the viewing, and I’m holding you responsible if she shoots someone, gets arrested, or tries to take a selfie with the deceased.

Stick a fork in my eye, I thought. It would be less painful than going to the viewing with Grandma.

“I don’t suppose you brought any dessert?” I asked Diesel.

“Dessert is the work of the devil.”

“I’m unhappy. I need dessert.”

“I have something better than dessert. Happiness guaranteed.”

“Gonna pass on that.”

“You’ll come around,” Diesel said.

I had a fear that he was right. I had limitations on my ability to resist temptation.

I washed my fork and put it in the dish drain. “I have to change my clothes. I’m taking Grandma to a viewing tonight.”

“Emily Molinowski,” Diesel said.

I raised an eyebrow.

Diesel tossed the empty food cartons into the garbage. “Lucky guess.”

I decided on a slim knee-length skirt, sleeveless scoop-neck sweater with a matching cardigan, and ballet flats. Heels would have been sexier, but I wasn’t going for sexy. I was going for comfy.

Diesel was stretched out on the couch when I walked into the living room.

“And you’re doing what?” I asked him.

“Communicating.”

I stared at him for a long moment. “You’re a strange man.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m special.”





TEN


GRANDMA WAS WAITING at the door when I drove up to my parents’ house. She called goodbye to my mom and trotted out to my Lexus.

“This is going to be something,” she said, buckling in. “I heard they did a real good job at the funeral home, and you can’t hardly see where they attached the head. That’s sort of disappointing, but I guess it’s comforting to the family of the deceased.”

“Mom said no selfies with Emily.”

“Your mom is a wet blanket. How did she get to be so old?”

“I think it was living with us.”

“I guess someone has to be the adult,” Grandma said. “I’m glad it’s not me. Been there. Done that.”

The lot next to the funeral home was already full when I pulled in, and cars were lined up at the curb for blocks. People were milling around on the sidewalk, waiting for the doors to open.

“This is worse than I thought,” Grandma said. “It’s like the whole state of New Jersey showed up.”

I dropped Grandma in front of the funeral home and went off in search of a place to park. By the time I parked and walked back, the doors were open and everyone was filing into the building. I didn’t see Grandma. No surprise. She would have fought her way to the front of the line and been one of the first inside.

I was content to be one of the last. I hated the crush of mourners, the smell of funeral flowers, and the claustrophobic “Slumber Room” without windows where the recently passed resided and people spoke in hushed voices.

I got a text from Grandma that said she was saving a seat for me in the second row, and I texted back that I preferred to stand.

I maneuvered myself through the lobby and into the Slumber Room, where I plastered myself against the back wall, not far from the door. I could see everyone coming and going, and I was within striking distance if Johnny showed up.

I was dividing my attention between the line that was very slowly moving past Emily, the mob that was trying to squeeze into the room, and Grandma. If Grandma caused a scene and it got back to my mom, I’d be cut off from pineapple upside-down cake for the rest of my life.

The viewing hours were seven o’clock to nine o’clock. At eight o’clock I saw Diesel enter the room. He nodded to me, looked around, and left. He didn’t seem to be interested in Emily, and he didn’t wander over to say hello to me, so I supposed the drop-in might be work related.