Happily Ever Awkward (The H.E.A. Files, #1)(3)

Princess Luscious continued, completely unaware of her little visitor. “You’re the one always telling me I should take control of my destiny as a woman, so now I am. I’m choosing who kidnaps me and when the Lottery sends my Prince Charming to rescue me.”

Laura set the vase and parchment on the table then eased forward, silently trying to shoo Squeaker away.

The mouse ignored her, for love had blinded him to all but the gargantuan object of his desire.

“While I can appreciate your initiative, princess, I think you’re missing my bigger point,” Laura said, trying to keep Princess Luscious distracted as she stretched out her hand. “You shouldn’t have to be rescued in the first place.”

Squeaker pulled himself atop Princess Luscious’ shoulder and immediately began rubbing his face in her hair. Even for a mouse, that seemed slightly creepy.

Laura inched closer.

Princess Luscious kept her back toward Laura, staring from the balcony across the winking lights of the spectacular city spread out below her.





The city in question was known as Theandrea, and it was the capital of something called the Empire of Bridges.

Theandrea served as a prime example of the five rules of empire-building:

1. Subjugation

2. Taxation

3. Location

4. Location

5. Location

The city covered an island that happened to sit in the very center of a vast archipelago. Networks of ancient stone bridges connected all the islands of this archipelago, and every one of these bridges began — or ended, depending on your perspective — at Theandrea.

Thus, by virtue of its location, Theandrea became the crossroads of the world, and by virtue of all those ancient bridges, the archipelago became known as the Empire of Bridges.

Now, some say it is better to build bridges than it is to build walls. There are, however, two problems with this statement.

First, what if one needs to hang a picture?

And second, what if a bridge is not a bridge? The Empire’s bridges were so old that no one remembered who built them. No one knew their true purpose. Suffice it to say, those things the world referred to as “bridges” were not actually bridges at all. They were, in fact, something far more dangerous.

But that has nothing to do with this story, so try not to let it trouble you.





Princess Luscious allowed the cool sea breeze to tickle her hair, little realizing that most of the tickling had nothing to do with the wind and everything to do with Squeaker the Mouse. “You just don’t get it, do you, Laura,” she said.

Laura’s fingertips had nearly reached their target. “Being a woman doesn’t mean you have to be a victim, Luscious—”

“That’s Princess Luscious. And being a victim is my job.”

Laura snatched Squeaker and hid him behind her back just as the princess flared around.

Seeing her handmaiden standing so close and looking so guilty, Princess Luscious scowled, which still came off looking perfectly beautiful. “What are you doing?”

“Uh… you… you had something there,” Laura stammered.

Princess Luscious shook her head and glided toward the door. The audience was over.

“You know I’m right about this,” Laura called after her.

“Of course you are,” Princess Luscious said, pausing beside the open doors. “That’s why you’re still just a handmaiden.”

“I’m only handmaidening to put myself through school…” Laura said weakly.

“Of course you are,” the princess said again. “Now mail my letter like you were told. Thank you.”

And with one last perfect swirl of her skirts, Princess Luscious whisked into the hall and was gone. Laura glared after her until Squeaker squirmed in her hand and snapped her back to the moment. She lifted him to her face.

“Squeaker, just what do you think you were doing? You could have been killed!”

The love-struck mouse clutched his heart and looked at Laura with beady little eyes full of longing. Laura softened.

“I know,” she said. “I know you love her. Everybody does. But you have to face reality. You’re a rodent. She’s a princess. Those kinds of things never work out.”

Squeaker’s beady little eyes now filled with tears. Laura stroked his head and set him on the parchment.

“Trust me, you can do better than her anyway,” she said.

Squeaker bowed his head and two big, wet mouse tears spattered the page, right over the phrase:



NO Shadow Wizards considered!





The ink bled.

“Uh oh,” Laura said.

She dabbed at the expanding black puddle, but the ink smeared and left an unreadable smudge where “NO” had been. All that remained was:



Shadow Wizards considered!





“Better fix it,” she said, sighing as she grabbed the quill. “Luscious doesn’t want a ‘Shadow Wizard’, whatever they are.”

Squeaker sniffled. Laura glanced at him, and she hesitated. Then she put the quill back down.

“Well, sometimes we don’t get what we want, do we.” She patted Squeaker’s head. “Hey, we rodents have to stick together.”

Scooping up the parchment and the vase, she left the castle on her way to make the biggest mistake of her life.