Gods & Monsters(66)

“It’s okay.” I will myself to not blush. “I don’t… I don’t hold you responsible or anything.”

“Did you guys get married, then?”

Smiling, I look at my husband who’s squinting behind his camera, focused on the couple. “Yeah. Last week.”

“That’s great. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

“For the record, he really loves you.” She tips her chin at Abel. “I’ve worked with him a little. He talks about nothing but you.”

Oh, I know she has worked with him. I saw her video on Abel’s computer.

He’s bending down now, squatting on his heels. “Me too. He’s my everything.”

Then she grins and nudges me. “I’m so glad to meet another married couple, by the way.” She holds out her big, giant diamond. “Mine’s over there. Nick.” She motions with her chin toward a tattooed guy with a camera around his neck, talking to another tattooed guy by the windows.

For a moment, I’m surprised. Though I don’t know why that would be. Abel and I can’t be the only married people in here. But wasn’t she at Ethan’s apartment to perform? And who was that guy with her in that tape?

“Whatchu thinkin’?” she asks playfully.

“Nothing.” Then, “You’re waiting for a scene?”

“Oh no, I just did mine.”

“Really? Where?” There are only three beds in this space and I have watched all of them closely. Even the threesome. My cheeks burn at the thought.

“Back there.” She points with a finger and sure enough, there’s a hallway at the end of the loft-like space that is flanked by doors. “This is more hardcore, you know. It’s quiet, more natural back there. For the amateur feel.”

I nod like I understand.

“So you, uh, do it with your husband, then?” Damn it, I shouldn’t fish. But I can’t help it.

She’s amused. “No. He’s the one taking pictures, though.”

So many questions. But I’m not going to ask them. It’s not polite. Also, it’s none of my business.

“Right.”

She laughs. “Does that bother you? Me having sex with someone else on camera.”

I open my mouth, and then close it. “No. Of course, not.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” She glances around the room. “This is really temporary for us. We’re actually moving away in a couple of months. I got into UCLA.”

“Oh wow. That’s so great. Congratulations.”

“Thanks. Yeah, I’m super proud. They’ve got a great psychology program.”

I completely turn toward her. “You’re a psychology major?”

“I will be, yes.”

Okay, I’m doing it. I’m asking the question.

“Don’t take this the wrong way but…” I grimace. “Why do you do this?”

Blu simply chuckles and gives me her full attention. “Money, basically. Nick’s a photographer. He’s the one who brought me in when he got hooked up. I’d done some modeling and I thought, why not? It’s easy money and it’s also kind of liberating and thrilling. Besides, we got married really young and we didn’t have any money, so we couldn’t go to college right away. But now we can. We’re both going to UCLA and it all happened because of this.”

“Gotcha.”

She smiles like a big sister and I feel so young right now. “Can I tell you a little something? No offense but I feel like you’re sweet and a little lost.”

“Okay.” I sweep back my poorly-curled hair.

“It’s just a job. You know how in every job you find different sorts of people? You’ll find them here, too. For some it’s just a temporary gig. Like me and Nick. An easy way to make money. For some it’s an easy way to get attention, to feel the limelight, you know? So many people here wanted to be actors but it didn’t turn out that way. Many people come because they’re addicted to sex and lust, and this is just a legit way for them to make money and do what they love. Some really don’t know what else to do. This is all they know.”

She sighs. “But a handful of people come here because it’s sort of an outlet for them. Life touches all of us, right? We all start out with stars in our eyes but it’s not always starry and rosy. Shit happens and sometimes you don’t know where to go. You come here. It’s not much different than shooting up drugs or staring at the bottom of a bottle. It at least gives you some power. You can manipulate emotions, arouse people even when they don’t want to be aroused. Sometimes life takes away your power and you do things to take it right back. It’s actually pretty human.”

Nudging my shoulder, she grins again. “In fact, this is the very definition of being human. You’re hurting so you hurt the universe back somehow. You take the power in your own hands and who cares what the world thinks.”

Her words echo in my head. They echo and echo until it’s all I can hear. Not the moans, not the clicks and shouts.

I want to hurt them like they have hurt us.

My eyes go to Abel. He’s standing up straight, his camera lowered. He’s watching the couple not through the thick lens that he uses to make everything immortal, but with his own eyes. His lips are parted and even from the sidelines, I can see the dark flush on his cheeks. I can read the tightness in his frame.