Girl Unknown(63)

Part of me couldn’t quite believe I was saying those words. She met my eyes, the corner of her mouth curling up into the slightest of grins. ‘Thanks for everything, Caroline,’ she said coolly. ‘You’ve been so kind – all of you.’

The formality: it was like we were right back to that first Sunday lunch. I hope we can become good friends, Caroline.

‘Help Zo? with her bag,’ I told Robbie.

‘Is that it?’ he asked in disbelief.

‘I can manage. Really.’

‘Here.’ He took the bag from her arms, pounding down the stairs with it. Zo? followed and I closed the door to what had been her room and would now go back to being David’s office. When I reached the bottom step, she was already at the door, her bag slung over one shoulder.

There were no embraces, no goodbyes. Robbie and I stood together, watching her go.

‘You could have stopped her,’ he said quietly. ‘You blame her for what happened to Holly, on the hike, don’t you?’

‘Robbie …’

‘That’s why she left. You drove her away. You could have made her stay.’

I looked at him, my son, his face narrowing with contempt, and said to him the same words I would say to his father some hours later when he returned from the office and I gave him the news that she had gone: ‘I’m sorry, love. I tried.’

He turned from me, disgusted, and soon I was standing alone in the doorway, staring down our road, empty of traffic, watching, as if she might change her mind and come running back.





18. David


Caroline and I sat side by side in the darkened auditorium, waiting for the music to start. I’ve always loved that hush, the rush of nerves and excitement that comes with the dimming of the lights, the last few coughs as people prepare themselves for the performance. But that night, as I sat in the National Concert Hall with my wife, looking up at the orchestra full of youthful, expectant faces, I felt no excitement.

The low hum of muted percussion started, the plucking of harp-strings, and slowly, elegantly, the rising progression of the melody above the droning bass as Debussy’s La Mer filled the room, little ripples and waves as the string section took over and the brass joined in. I felt Caroline straining beside me to catch a glimpse of Robbie, and there he was, pale-faced under the lights, bowing away at his cello. Dimly, I recalled the chords and melodies I had heard him practising for weeks – how disjointed and odd they had sounded, but now a piece fitting neatly into a puzzle, surrounded by the flow and harmony of the other instruments. I watched him, aware of my paternal pride – his concentration, his seriousness, the way the conductor and the musical score in front of him held his attention. I tried to focus on this fatherly love, hoping it would drown the shock and indignation I continued to feel forty-eight hours after Caroline had broken the news to me that Zo? had moved in with Chris.

In the past couple of days I had made several efforts to contact Zo?, leaving messages on her phone, texting her, all to no avail. I had pointedly not been in touch with Chris. He had been at my mother’s funeral and, whatever the time or place, I found it hard to believe that no one had said anything to me about the two of them being an item. I felt the onus was on him to seek me out, and offer some kind of apology for his behaviour.

At the interval, when we streamed out and found our pre-ordered drinks waiting for us, I said to Caroline: ‘So when Chris finally does decide to make contact, what do you think he’ll say?’

‘I don’t know,’ she said, with an air of mild resignation. ‘I expect he’ll say something to appease you.’ She sipped her gin and tonic.

‘What sort of explanation could he possibly give?’

We were leaning against a pillar. People were milling past. She shrugged.

‘However you look at it, he’s taking advantage of someone vulnerable.’

That caught her attention. ‘I’m not sure I’d describe Zo? as vulnerable.’

‘She’s a teenager. Her mother recently died.’

Caroline wasn’t buying it. ‘She’s nineteen and pretty savvy – and, whether you like it or not, she didn’t know Linda all that well.’

‘That’s not the point.’

‘Well, what is the point?’

‘Doesn’t it sicken you – the thought of them together?’

‘There was fifteen years between my parents.’

‘That’s not the same,’ I snapped. ‘When I think of them together, sleeping together … Chris, of all people! I had no idea he was capable of doing something like this. Doesn’t he realize he’s betraying me and our friendship?’

‘I doubt very much you’re on his mind when he’s in bed with her.’

‘I suppose not,’ I said.

‘You know, for a second there, you sounded a little jealous, David.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ I took a large slug of my drink, felt the tonic creeping up the back of my nose.

‘Anyway, all of this has very little to do with the reason we’re here, which is Robbie. I hope he’s okay,’ she said. ‘He looked nervous.’

‘It sickens me,’ I continued. ‘Right to the pit of my stomach. If he tries to tell me he’s in love, I think I might punch him.’