Girl Crush(50)

“Admit it. I’m right.”

“Can you please just take me home?”

“I’ll take you to your house. And I’ll give you tonight to sort through all this shit in your mind. But tomorrow morning, I will be in your living room when you get back from running. And we’re going to hash this out like old times. And you’re going to tell me about what the hell just sent you screaming into the night.”

“I’m not fifteen anymore. I don’t have any pot, Ronnie.”

“Nope, but you’ve got spoons, and I’ll bring ice cream. Ben and Jerry will be the only men in your life tomorrow.”

“Great, now I’ll be fat and alone.”



*

The next morning, as promised, Ronnie sat on my couch when I came back in from my morning run. I didn’t want to talk about this. I wasn’t interested in my bestie’s thoughts on how I’d fucked up miserably. And I sure as hell didn’t want to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, which I couldn’t refuse because it would be rude after I just pounded five miles of pavement.

She waved me off the instant she saw me. “Go shower so I don’t have to smell you. I’ll be here when you’re done.”

There was no point in spending vast amounts of time on my hair or actually doing anything with my face. I had no intention of leaving the house today. Last night had been embarrassing enough, and I doubted I could ever face Collier again. And I’m sure my friends thought I was off my rocker. But part of me was pissed, too.

I flopped down on the couch next to my lifelong friend and rolled my eyes at her boobs popping out of her push-up bra and tank top this early in the morning. “Are you leaving here to go work a pole somewhere? You look like a hooker. All you need is bright-red lipstick. I have a great shade of polish for your nails if you want to borrow it.”

“We’ve talked about this before, Giselle. Green is not your color. It just makes you look sick.”

Moving on.

“So why are you here, V?”

“Because last night was a total cluster. And I’m wondering where your head is at, and what the hell happened. You never freak out like that.”

“I’ve also never been in this situation before, nor have my friends ever set me up to fall.”

“Wait, what are you talking about?”

I tried to keep my temper under control, but none of this would have happened had they not secretly invited Collier. Had I known he was coming, I could have prepared mentally, or hell, not gone. “I’m talking about all you bitches inviting Collier behind my back. And then carrying on about how great I looked, and I’d lost weight, blah blah blah. I just expect more from you, Ronnie. The others, not so much. But you’re my best friend.”

“First of all, I didn’t know about West being there until I saw you on the dance floor with him...and I have to say, you looked pretty happy from where I stood. That was all Beck and Roma, so don’t blame anyone but those two—and you’ll have that when you hang out with people more than a decade younger than you. Roma’s sweet but immature. Secondly, you do look radiant these days. I don’t know what the difference is, but whatever it is suits you. If you really were a lesbian, I’d have a hard time staying faithful.” She winked at me to lighten the mood, but I wasn’t feeling it. “So what happened that had you hightailing it out of there like your ass was on fire?”

“I kissed him.” I couldn’t look at her when I admitted the rest. Shame still hung heavy like a winter coat on my shoulders. “And let’s just say, he didn’t reciprocate.”

“What? You’re kidding me? He watches you like a prized possession and looks at you like you hung the moon.”

“I don’t know what to do, Ronnie. I haven’t felt this way about anyone—regardless of what was in their pants—in years. Like before Chris, and maybe never. He’s let me in because I don’t pose a threat. I was safe because he thought I dined on twat waffles.”

“Isn’t that a good thing? That you’ve formed a friendship that’s not based on anything sexual?” Confusion caused her face to contort and her brows to furrow. It made her look like a drag queen the way her chest tried to escape that pitiful excuse for a top.

“Yeah, except it’s all rather deceptive, don’t you think? Nothing like a foundation built on a pile of crumbling lies—that’s stable. And let’s not forget, he didn’t kiss me back, V.”

She leaned back on the couch and understanding washed over her features—she finally got it.

“Shit, Gizzy. Maybe he was just caught off guard—I mean, he does think you like chicks. Can’t you just let him believe he reformed you? Brought you to the hetero world because he was such a stud muffin? Guys get off on that shit…it makes them beat their chest and roar like a badass, right?”

“That doesn’t even warrant a response. I’m not propagating lies with more lies.”

“So what are you going to do? Keep pretending you’re not interested in men when he’s around after you laid one on him? Avoid him? Neither of those are good options. You’ll drive yourself insane…and even worse, what if he starts dating someone? He’s an attractive man with a lot of money, Giselle—he’s not going to stay single forever while you figure this out.”