Girl Crush(48)

In a matter of weeks, my entire life force seemed to shift, the energy—my chi. It switched directions but forgot to mention it to the only person who mattered…me! My job had always been unfulfilling, but I’d never cared to make a change. Men had been disposable until they’d all been thrown away. Women left an even less satisfying taste in my mouth. And now, I didn’t care about getting laid or my pretty nail polish. I didn’t know what the world was coming to, but this didn’t work for me.

Lost in my thoughts and the vision of middle-aged loneliness moving to the music that pumped through the speakers, I hadn’t realized who stood next to me. But I didn’t have to see him, I felt him. The hair on my arms stood on end, and I knew Collier was within arm’s reach.

“Stalking me now?” My brows raised in question, but I didn’t turn to look at him.

“I think technically since I was here first, you would be stalking me.”

I jerked my head in his direction. “What do you mean you were here first? We all got here at eight.”

“Yeah, and I got here before that. I met Roma around seven thirty for a drink. I thought you knew I was coming?”

Laughing, I turned my entire body toward him with my elbow on the bar. “How would I know you were coming to a girls’ night out?” I cocked my head to the right while awaiting his response.

“I assumed she told you since she invited me.”

Those bitches. You look fantastic, Giselle. You look amazing, Gizzy. You look great. Have you been running more? Gah, I hope to look that good when I’m as old as you. Okay, so Roma didn’t say those exact words, but that’s what I heard. They were all lying-ass whores. They all knew Collier would be here. They’d set me up. Roma had pulled every last one of them into her web of manipulation.

“My guess is I’m the only one who didn’t know, but that’s okay. I’m glad you’re here.” I downed the rest of my drink like it was a shot and slammed it down on the bar a tad too forcefully. “Wanna dance?”

He chuckled, but not because he thought something was funny. “Yeah…I don’t dance.”

I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the nameless body builder I’d spent several songs with. “You do tonight.”

Collier made a valiant effort at attempting to dissuade me, but the music was too loud, and I didn’t care that he wasn’t interested in musical gyration. I wanted to see if anything piqued my arousal or if my carnal treasure had been lost at sea. Women didn’t do it for me. Men weren’t doing it for me. But something stirred in me every time I was near West. He treated me like a sister, well, not his sister, but a sister, and I was curious to see if he could juice my peach.

I’d tried to deny his ability to affect me, that I had any interest in him, but he didn’t even have to touch me for my body to respond. Electricity hummed through my arms and legs, and even with the alcohol in my system, I was hyper aware of every move he made. The way we swayed to the music had my insides on fire, but the moment Collier turned my back to him and pulled me close with his muscular arm around my waist…there was no more denying it, no more pretending. I loved everything about this man, and we’d never so much as kissed.

Even now, as close as we were, he hadn’t crossed a line. He’d definitely gotten into the moves, and I was so far in I was drowning, but his hands didn’t roam. He kept one forearm securely across my pelvic bone and the other across my clavicle. Every once in a while, I’d hear him sing a line or two of the lyrics and wonder if he’d chosen those particular words to hum in my ear, or if they’d just hit him at the moment he’d wanted to voice them. The longer we stayed together like this, the more screwed up my head became. I questioned every tick of his finger, flex of his arm, swivel of his hip. Each word he said, song he sang, I wanted to know if any of them were for me.

But I couldn’t ask.

I couldn’t turn around and press my front to his. My longing to look him in the eyes and see what I felt reflecting back at me, would never happen. I’d perpetrated a lie, and he was going to be my punishment. Because either way, it wouldn’t end well. I’d never told him I was into women, his sister had—but I hadn’t corrected it. And I’d let him believe for months that I’d never been into men. He didn’t even know I’d been married. That Chris was the asshole who started this demise. But because I just had to prove a point, I had to show Ronnie that she wasn’t always right, I had to play around…and in the end, it would cost me.

The alcohol may have clouded my judgment, or maybe my feelings for this man might have been the culprit, I didn’t know, but somewhere, I got the kahunas to turn toward him. My chest rose and fell dramatically from the exertion, but the blood pumping through me like someone had opened the floodgates was due to Collier’s close proximity. Even in heels, I was shorter than him. I chanced a peek at his eyes and saw what I kept trying to deny. Without overthinking it, I took the plunge.

Rising on my toes, I tilted my head to the side and pressed my lips to his. They were soft and warm, everything I thought they’d be if I ever got the chance to experience them. But what they weren’t was responding. When I tried to deepen this kiss, he pushed back, unsure of what I had done. Stunned, I tried to pull away. But he didn’t release his grasp on my arms. I’d never been rejected physically by a man—even when my husband was cheating on me, he’d never stopped sleeping with me. I didn’t know how to respond and desperately needed to escape the embarrassment…and Collier.