Gentleman Nine(8)

Now, that was something I could never get enough of talking about.

“Yes. I love my job, actually. It’s a school for kids with developmental challenges, like autism and Down’s syndrome. I’m a TA in one of the classrooms. Then, a few nights a week, I work with a special needs adult, taking him out into the community.”

“That’s got to be a handful.”

“It is. But it’s very rewarding.”

“Well, they’re lucky to have you.”

I didn’t know what else to say. “Thank you.” I’d never been great at accepting compliments.

We opened another bottle of wine and spent the next couple of hours reminiscing. I’d forgotten how easy Channing was to talk to, and with each passing hour, I was less intimidated by his physical presence. The last time we’d really talked at great length like this was before Rory and I got together. It reminded me of those early days after Lainey’s death.

After our extended lunch, I felt a great deal better about him staying with me. Channing was still the same wildly charismatic guy I remembered, but he’d definitely matured. He seemed sensitive to my feelings, and I no longer feared that he’d disrespect my space in any way. In fact, the only thing I really feared after our afternoon together was that I might get used to him being around and not want him to leave.





CHAPTER THREE




* * *



CHANNING




God, she looked exactly the same as when she was sixteen. It made me feel like a perv, even though I knew she was in her twenties and only a couple of years younger than me.

How she hadn’t aged was beyond me. The same petite body. The same straight, long, dark auburn hair with the exact same bangs cut straight across the forehead. The same brown doe eyes. They used to be full of wonder, but tonight they were mostly dark.

Fucking asshole took away the light in her eyes.

My mother always told me I shouldn’t go to bed angry, that it would affect my dreams and that the negative energy would carry over into the next day. But as I lay in bed that night, I really couldn’t help obsessing over the bomb that Amber dropped. Never in a million years would I have predicted that he was the one responsible for their break up.

She was so upset and wound up over Rory; I wished I could have just kissed the fuck out of her to make her forget—or even better, show her what it’s like to be with a real man. That may have been an inappropriate thought, but nevertheless, I had it. A lot of inappropriate thoughts were moving in and out of my head. And that was pretty funny considering I couldn’t ever act on them.

Years ago, I’d come to terms with the fact that Amber and Rory were together, because I assumed at the very least, he would do right by her and cherish her. It was the only reason I didn’t beat the shit out of him when I came home from college and realized he’d broken our pact, pursued her, and had fucking taken her virginity.

Back when we were teenagers, I’d always known that Rory wanted Amber. What I never considered was that she could return his feelings. The three of us would hang out together, watching movies or just chilling down in my basement, and I’d catch him staring at her when she wasn’t looking. He’d be fixated on her, and I would be fixated on his fixation with her. She was oblivious to his feelings and even more oblivious to mine, because I hid them really well. It was no exaggeration to say I’d probably hooked up with all of Amber’s friends. So, yeah, I was really good at throwing her off. I’m certain she never suspected that I liked her as more than a friend. My actions certainly never demonstrated that.

None of the girls I’d hooked up with in high school or college meant anything to me. Amber was really the only girl I’d ever developed feelings for at the time. They never escalated to the point of love, but I cared about her, wanted to protect her.

Before Lainey died, Amber was merely my sister’s friend. After Lainey passed away, Amber and I got closer. She was the only person keeping me sane during one of the most difficult periods of my life—those months after my sister’s death.

But actually dating Amber back then was never something I considered a realistic option. I was too young and unpredictable. Not to mention, I was the spawn of an asshole, womanizing father. What if the apple didn’t fall far from the tree? I was certain I’d end up hurting her. She was like a sister to me—a sister I secretly wanted to fuck but knew I never would. And I guess my attitude was that Rory should have felt the same way since the three of us were supposed to be friends. He and I should’ve wanted to protect her, not take advantage of her. But yet, what we should’ve felt didn’t matter. We both wanted her.

So, when Rory came to me and confessed his feelings for Amber one night, I felt like I needed to tell him how I really felt about her, too. My jealousy was through the roof, even though I didn’t think he was any kind of competition for me. That had been the one consolation—or so I thought. We agreed that since we couldn’t both have her, that neither of us would tell her how we felt. We’d come to the understanding that it was better to keep our friendship intact—both with each other and with Amber.

I therefore didn’t feel like I needed to watch my back when I went away to the University of Florida, leaving my friends behind. I trusted that he wouldn’t move in on her and even more so, I figured that if he did, she wouldn’t return his feelings. It was like double security in my mind.