Gentleman Nine(7)

It was the first time I’d really gone over what happened in such great detail. It felt like I was reliving it, and I ended up breaking down. There was something about telling Channing everything that made me emotional enough to cry. Maybe it was because I didn’t have a big brother to tell things to, or maybe it was because Channing was one of the few people who knew Rory and me from the very beginning of our relationship—who knew how trustworthy Rory was. Technically, without Channing I would never have met Rory. I felt like Channing was truly on my side, though. He seemed like he wanted to kick Rory’s ass for hurting me. And that gave me some comfort. Sometimes, you just need a strong male friend in your corner—a protector. Channing was that person for me. Even if years went by and we didn’t speak, I knew he would be there for me if I ever needed him. In a sense, that was happening at the moment.

“I know it may not seem like it right now, but Rory did you a favor.”

“By wasting nine years of my life?”

“I think he’s crazy for letting you go, alright? He’ll never find someone like you again. But, in a sense, he’s right. You haven’t experienced enough to know that he’s the one. You’ve only been with one man—one man in your entire life. I don’t think he can do better, but quite frankly, I think you can.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say about your former best friend.”

“Rory and I were never as close as you thought,” he was quick to say. “And even if we were, I call it like I see it. You were always out of his league.”

“On a superficial level, maybe. Although, you haven’t seen him lately. He looks really good now.”

“You’re wrong…on every level.”

His words gave me pause. I didn’t even care if he was blowing smoke up my ass at this point. It made me feel good to hear him say that. I just needed to feel good tonight, after months of feeling like shit. I would take his words and run with them.

“I didn’t want better, Channing. I wanted Rory, someone whom I trusted with my life. He’s a good guy and knows me inside and out. It will take me years to build that kind of connection with someone again. If you live your life constantly thinking that the grass may be greener, you’ll never settle down.”

“No, but if you never venture out of your bubble of safety, you’ll never realize it’s not the color of the grass that matters but how fucking good it tastes to smoke it.”

I pondered that for a moment. “That doesn’t make sense to me.”

“I know. I just made it up.”

“You suck, Channing.” I laughed.

“If you think about it long enough, though, it starts to make sense. And you’re smiling. That’s what matters.” He chuckled. “Okay, in all seriousness…sometimes people have to learn lessons the hard way. He’ll figure out his mistake and come back. It’s just a matter of whether you’ll be there when he does. The question is, if he came back today, would you take him back?”

“I honestly don’t know. A part of me thinks yes, only because that part of me still loves him. You don’t get over that so easily after nearly a decade together. But then another part of me doesn’t feel like I could ever fully trust him not to leave again. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. He’s clearly not here asking me to take him back.”

“No, but he will be.”

“You seem so sure of that…”

He crossed his arms. “I am.”

Channing was looking me straight in the eyes, and the intensity of that prompted me to change the subject.

I sighed. “Alright…let’s talk about something other than Rory. Like literally anything.”

He crumpled up a napkin and threw it at me playfully. “How about moldy cheese?”

“Sure.”

“I’m serious. What the fuck did you have growing in your refrigerator? I cleaned all that shit out, by the way.”

Mortified, I said, “Oh. I thought you were joking. You’re actually talking about cheese. I’m sorry…I’ve neglected the fridge lately. It was the one thing I didn’t get to tackle before you moved in. I couldn’t tell you what was in there. I—”

“You don’t owe me any explanations. It’s your kitchen…your moldy cheese. Not my place to judge.”

“You think I’m a pig, don’t you?”

“Far from it.”

“Well, I have no excuse for that.”

“I beg to differ. How about…you work long hours, and your head isn’t on straight lately because your heart is broken. Fuck the cheese. I’m sorry for even mentioning it. I was just messing with you. You said to change the subject, and for some reason that was the first thing that came to mind.”

Attempting to change the subject yet again, I asked, “When do you start your new job again?”

“Bright and early tomorrow.”

“Wow. Okay. You know how to get there from here?”

“I need to check the train route online.”

“You’ll take the Orange Line to the Red. I think the stop is Kendall Square.”

“I’ll figure it out.” He smiled, pouring me the last drop of wine. “Tell me more about this school you work at. You like it there?”