Gaslight (Crossbreed #4)(93)
If she didn’t regain her memory, Christian wasn’t certain he could recapture that level of trust. It was as if someone had hit rewind on her feelings about him all the way back to day one. Their gradual progression had occurred through a series of events and conversations that he couldn’t recreate. Revealing the story about the fire would seem contrived and might push her away, especially if she didn’t believe him.
Maybe it would have been easier if he’d scrubbed her memory himself. But now that the deed was done, he wanted it all back. It hadn’t been her choice.
Or was it?
That thought niggled in the back of his head like a thorn. What if she’d asked Houdini to erase her feelings for Christian? Maybe she thought it would be easier to get through whatever hell she was about to face.
He simply couldn’t bring himself to believe it. Raven had been through a memory wipe before and experienced how disorienting it was—how invasive. Even if Christian had broken her heart with a sledgehammer, that girl treasured her memories. This was exactly what Houdini wanted—to give Christian doubt. After all, he’d specified that the money could only come from Christian’s account, so this was personal.
Fecking lunatic.
“Why don’t you have a seat?” Niko asked. “This is the second time you’ve walked by.”
Christian swung his gaze over to the arched window where Niko was seated in one of two chairs. The floors were painted a dim yellow from a lantern around the far corner, but neither of them needed light.
“You have a lot on your mind,” Niko said, both arms relaxed on the armrests. “What happened to Raven affected us all.”
Christian sat down and glared out the window. “Not as much as it’s affected her.”
“It took her five years to overcome her first encounter. She’s seasoned now, so every tragedy becomes easier to endure.”
“Aye. Because each time, we die a little inside.”
Niko pinched his chin. “That’s one way to look at it. But maybe the part of us that dies is the one that matters least.”
Christian sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Her maker is the one who abducted her.”
Niko’s dark eyebrows slanted down over his crystalline eyes. “And once again, he sent her into the cruel world.”
“Right back into the hands of her Creator.”
“The fates are at work. Her Creator would have known it was her by the description in the ad. His brand of madness must be extinguished before it spreads.”
“And what of her maker?” Christian asked with annoyance. “She’s always despised her Creator, but her maker has done nothing but throw her into the fire.”
“Maybe he believes he’s forging a weapon. Look how strong it’s made her. Where some would have given up, she has the fortitude to keep going. Resilience can’t be learned; you’re either born with it or not.”
“If you’re on his side, I’ll toss you out the fecking window. That man meddles, and while I can’t prove or explain it, he’s scrubbed some of Raven’s memory. Not of the attacks, but other things. He’s been playing mind games with her since the beginning, but with all the scrubbing he’s done, she doesn’t even realize he’s trying to control her. His words are so seductive that she believes his ideas are really hers. That’s what happens when someone tinkers around in your head. He’s nothing more than a snake charmer.”
“It’s more complicated than that. Because he’s her maker, she sees herself in him. And to see him as evil is to see herself as evil. There’s no one else like her, so she looks to these men for a sense of her own identity. After the brutality she suffered with Fletcher, she feels more akin to her maker now than anyone. She wants to believe.”
“Believe what? That she can save him?”
“That she can save herself. Good and evil isn’t black and white. We’re all driven by motives, and we yearn to be in control.” Niko laced his fingers together and dipped his chin. “That which we try to control ultimately enslaves us. She’ll find her truth one day, and when she does, he’ll no longer have any power over her. His blood flows in her veins, so she’ll struggle with it. Years of abuse will sever that bond, just as Fletcher has done. But mental abuse is harder to see. Shared magic creates a loyalty that resides within us—you know that as well as I do. No matter if you despise your maker, you want to believe his truth.”
“If I ever find him, I’ll sever more than a bond.”
Niko leaned forward. “Careful what you do, Christian. Until she realizes the truth for herself, she’ll never forgive the person who takes his life. He sounds like a convincing man, and you forget how young she is in our world. Her umbilical cord is still attached, and only she holds the power to sever it. Has she confided in you what happened with her Creator?”
“Aye, she did.”
Niko pursed his lips, his gaze fixed. “I hope she can control her anger. If she finds him and delivers her own justice, we won’t be able to protect her, no matter how shocking his punishments were.”
Christian rubbed his face. “I’m knackered. I’ll be driving all night, and I need to stop thinking about what that fecking sparkplug did to my partner.”
In truth, Christian had already come to terms with what Fletcher had done. The chains and starvation were bad enough, but learning that he’d sexually gratified himself while torturing her explained so much about Raven and her cautious approach toward relationships with men. It wouldn’t surprise him at all to learn she’d not been with a man since becoming immortal. Fletcher had stripped away her trust and made her associate her pain with his pleasure. He’d sought to ruin her as a means to control her.