Friend Request(49)

There was only one way into the hall, and I could see the door out of the corner of my eye. On one level I chatted and laughed and took the piss out of other girls’ outfits, but all the time I was watching and waiting, hardly able to breathe for the weight of expectation that sat unmoving on my chest.

Around eight o’clock I was rewarded for my vigilance. Maria was wearing a midnight-blue knee-length dress that I’m sure we’d seen in Topshop that day we went to the fair. Her hair was loose and she was smiling at the girl next to her, with whom she was arm in arm. I had to look twice before I realised who it was. Maria must have done her own makeover on Esther as she looked pretty decent in a black skirt and dark red wrap-over top. She even had some make-up on. A couple of steps behind them, eyeballing the room like a bodyguard scanning for potential assassins, came Tim. The girls walked over to the bar, seemingly oblivious to everyone else and ordered two cokes, which came served with a straw, like at a children’s party. Maria turned to Tim and asked him something. He shook his head. She looked annoyed and there was a short altercation, which ended with him stomping off to the other side of the hall and flinging himself down in a chair.

I felt Sophie’s fingers tug on mine. ‘Come on, let’s go to the toilet.’

We crammed ourselves into a cubicle and Sophie reached inside her bra for the bag. She took out one of the tablets and put it into another small bag, which she laid on the closed loo seat. Taking a heavy Zippo lighter out of her bag, she started to hammer the pill in its bag. It soon began to break up into smaller pieces and after a few minutes had been reduced to a fine dust.

‘OK, that should do it,’ she said, holding out the bag, hand totally steady. ‘Ready?’

Was I? I took the bag anyway.

‘I’ll go first, to avoid suspicion,’ she said.

I waited for a few moments, eyes closed, fear and excitement sending tiny shockwaves around my body. As I walked back down the corridor to the hall alone, the bag of powder now wedged between my breasts, Matt and Sam were walking towards me. Sam’s eyes widened momentarily at the sight of me, and as we drew near I could feel his attraction, tangible in the air between us. Again I felt the thrill of a power I’d never known before. This must be what it was like to be Sophie.

‘There you are,’ said Matt. ‘You know you don’t have to do this, right? If it’s easier, you could just go home now, say you’re not feeling well or something.’

I was moved by his concern, and by his understanding of the fact that I might need an excuse to give Sophie, rather than being able to say I’d simply changed my mind.

‘Yeah,’ added Sam. ‘It’s totally up to you. No one’s going to think any worse of you or anything.’

Except Sophie. The words hung in the air and even though nobody spoke them, I knew they were in all our minds. I also knew that whatever they said, my decision was already made. I’d made it the night of the party at Sam’s house, when I took the E, when I burned my bridges with Maria. If I failed tonight I’d lose Sophie too, and then what would I have?

‘Well, as long as you’re sure,’ said Matt doubtfully. ‘I’m going for a slash. Coming, Sam?’

‘In a minute, mate,’ said Sam, still looking at me.

All the doors to the classrooms along the corridor were closed. I had presumed they were locked, but when Sam tried the handle of the nearest one it turned easily.

‘Come in here a minute,’ he said.

I followed him inside. The blinds were drawn, and it was fairly dark although there was some light coming in from the corridor through the high panes of glass that ran along the room just below ceiling level.

‘You look amazing tonight,’ he said softly.

Little flutters rippled through me. I felt like someone else. This was a scenario I had played out so many times in my head, it didn’t seem right that it could be happening in real life. I had my back to the wall and as he stepped towards me I rested my weight against it, not trusting my legs to support me. Sam put his hand to my face and traced a finger gently over my cheek and down the side of my neck. A shudder ran through my entire body. He leaned in and I could see his eyes coming nearer and nearer until everything became a blur. He kissed me softly, holding my top lip between both of his for a second before pulling back.

‘Is this OK?’ he asked.

I nodded, unable to speak.

He kissed me again, harder this time, his tongue exploring my mouth, pressing up against me so closely that I could barely breathe, hands running over the slippery satin of my dress, my insides turning hot and liquid in response. His fingers pressed hard into my flesh, a delicious pain that shot bolts of electricity through my body, and then I felt his hands slip behind me, searching for and finding the zip, beginning to slide it down.

‘No!’ I gasped instinctively, stiffening in his arms.

He jumped back as if I’d bitten him.

‘Sorry! I thought you…’

‘No, it’s OK, I did, I mean… I do. It’s just – I haven’t… I’m not used to…’

He smiled.

‘It’s OK. I didn’t mean to pressure you. You’re just so sexy tonight.’

‘Thanks,’ I muttered, staring at the floor, hot with shame and fury at myself.

‘It’s OK, don’t worry. Really, it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard. Let’s leave it for tonight, yeah? Are you OK?’