Forgive Me(19)

Angie’s long fingers removed a colored photograph of a young girl—four years old, five at the most—wearing a pink short sleeve dress decorated with white polka dots, shirred detail at the waist. The brown-haired girl had doleful eyes but a sweet albeit sad smile, and a strangely deformed right ear that was almost non-existent.

Angie tried to the place the girl, but she was certain she’d never seen her before. The picture was taken outside, in some cityscape that Angie didn’t recognize.

Turning the photograph over in her hands, Angie gasped aloud. On the back, in her mother’s impeccably neat and distinctive handwriting, were words and a code that made no sense.




May God forgive me

IC12843488




Angie studied the message, then handed Madeline the photograph with the message facing up.

Madeline turned the picture over and studied it for some time. “What the hell is this all about?”

Angie couldn’t answer. She didn’t know.





CHAPTER 9



Exhibit D: Excerpts from the journal of Nadine Jessup, pages 13-22




I did the photo shoot today! Oh, wait, before I go into that I should re-introduce myself. I’m Jessica Barlow. Whadda ya think? Pretty sexy, huh? It’s got that Jennifer Lawrence ring to it I think. I mean, it’s the same number of syllables and everything. So no more Nadine Jessup. Ricardo now calls me Jessie and I think that’s super cute. Jessie Barlow. I like that.

Oh, and here’s the update on my phone and wallet. They’re gone. Like gone for good gone. Ricardo and I walked up and down the street and he asked a bunch of people but nobody had them. And they would have given it to him, too, if they did because he’s really respected out here. People looked at me different just because I’m with him. One gross guy actually tried to grab me and said something like how much for this fresh meat, something disgusting like that and Ricardo went off on him. I thought he was gonna rip the guy’s head off. But the bad news is my phone and wallet are gone and I’m not getting them back. I don’t have my license yet, but I did have a credit card, a student ID, all my money and now I don’t have any of it. FU*K YKWIM?

Ricardo took my jewelry (well, my mom’s jewelry) and he’s gonna sell it for me so I’ll have some money again. And then I should make money once I get an acting job, or something. And Ricardo says I’m DEFINITELY going to get hired.

And about Ricardo . . . here’s the big news on that. We kissed last night!!! It was incredible. He’s the best kisser, I swear. It wasn’t like I was expecting it or anything. It just happened. We were on the futon in my bedroom (yes, it’s my bedroom now), just talking. He’s so sweet the way he talks to me, how he looks me in the eyes. I was telling him something about my mom, I think. About how much she drinks and how I think she’s really messed up. Ricardo’s dad drank too much, too and he really got what I was trying to say. Then all of a sudden we were kissing. At first I was totally freaking out because he’s like way older than me, but my mom was like five years younger than my dad and I’m only seven years younger than Ricardo so that’s not such a big difference.

Anyway, the kiss was awesome and I know he wanted to go further but he held back, I could tell. And I’m glad he did, too. Not that I wouldn’t, you know, do more, but I don’t think I’m ready for that. I’m ready but I’m not ready. HELP I’M SO SCHIZO!

So the photo shoot, right? I think it went really well. Stephen Macan wasn’t there. I dunno know where he was and I haven’t seen him since that first day. But that’s ok. I’m staying in the apartment (wherever this is, somewhere near Baltimore, remember? Crazy, right?!) Sometime last week I was sleeping in my bedroom and now I’m crashing at this studio. But it’s nice here and I don’t have to go out for anything. Ricardo brings me takeout and there’s a TV and I write in my journal (which I hide btw) so I’m not bored or anything. But I miss my phone. Ricardo says he’s gonna get me a new one and I can’t wait.

Anyway the stupid photo shoot. I keep rambling! It was just me, Ricardo, and some guy named Buggy there. Yeah, you read that right. Buggy. He hardly said a word. Kinda creeped me out. He was this really thin guy who wore one of those hipster hats, sunglasses and a plaid short sleeve shirt with a white undershirt underneath and ripped jeans and he smoked lots of cigarettes which I think is gross. But Ricardo says he’s cool, so I guess he’s cool.

Ricardo took the pictures and Buggy watched and that was fine. All I had to do was sit on the stool and smile. My eyes started to hurt from flash stuff but after it was over, we looked at the pictures and they were nice. I actually have a good smile. Even Buggy agreed.





Today Ricardo and I just hung out on the futon kissing and drinking vodka straight. We talked for hours about things I can’t even remember. Bands, TV shows—just stuff. The TV in the room isn’t as big as my TV at home, but it’s big enough. Ricardo had a Netflix subscription so we binged on a bunch of shows. We did a whole season of Lost, which I had never seen. It was so awesome because I was snuggled up with Ricardo the whole time. I could have been there with him for hours like that. We kissed a lot and we did a bit more, ya know? I don’t need to write it, but it happened. Not IT, but stuff, things.

Is he my boyfriend? I don’t know. I like that he’s taking care of me. He treats me like I’m his girlfriend. He feeds me pretty well, too. There’s a pizza place nearby and a KFC and other places to eat. I made a salad with him one night in the kitchen. It was incredible to just do something so normal like cut vegetables. Go figure! It felt to me like we were a couple. Kinda weird, I know, but I liked it. We just got along. He never calls me Nadine. He calls me Jessica. Jessica Barlow. That’s who I am now.