Finding Our Forever (Silver Springs #1)(64)

He lifted a hand to signal that Cal had nothing to worry about. “I’m not judging her,” he said. “My mother has proven who she is many times over.” This just confirmed, once again, that no one was perfect.

But what did he do with the information now?

*

While Eli was gone, Cora cooked some Cajun pasta sauce for their dinner from a recipe she found on the internet. She was trying to stay busy, but she often found herself staring off into space, wondering if Cal might be able to answer some of the questions that’d nearly driven her mad over the years—and if Eli was getting him to talk. Would Cal know that his beloved Aiyana had had a child? And, if so, had Aiyana told him she’d put that child up for adoption?

Even if he didn’t know, if the news came as a complete surprise, would he suggest they tell Aiyana who she was—or not?

Cora would’ve gone to see Cal along with Eli, so that she could take part in the discussion. She really wanted to be there. But Cal was so protective of Aiyana, she and Eli both felt that Eli had a better chance of getting him to open up without her—which left her to wait and worry.

Although Eli was gone for only a couple of hours, it felt like forever. The second Cora heard him at the door, she turned off the stove, left the Cajun sauce in the pan and hurried to meet him. “How was it?” she asked as he came in.

That Eli didn’t seem to be relieved or excited made Cora’s chest constrict to the point that she could barely breathe. She tried to read his thoughts and feelings as he grimaced and rubbed his forehead.

“It wasn’t good,” she surmised.

He pulled her over to the couch. “I think maybe you should sit down.”

She did as he suggested but perched on the very edge, too nervous to relax. “Cal didn’t know anything about me?”

“Actually, he did.”

She wanted to feel some hope, but Eli’s manner didn’t warrant any. “And...”

“It’s complicated—difficult to know how to proceed without hurting Aiyana as well as...others.”

“Others?” she echoed in surprise.

“That’s the thing. This could affect more than just you and her.”

“Do you mean Lilly and Brad? Because they’re okay with me telling Aiyana. They weren’t at first. They felt threatened, to a degree. You know that. But they’ve begun to understand that I’m an adult now, and I should have the right to know where I come from. They also know it won’t change how I feel about them.”

“I’m not talking about Brad and Lilly, Cora.”

She drew a deep breath and clasped her hands together to stop them from trembling. “Then who?”

He wore a sympathetic expression as he reached over to slide a strand of hair out of her eyes. “Remember how you had trouble telling me that you were Aiyana’s child because no one knew she even had a child and you thought you might be revealing something too personal?”

Cora curled her fingernails into her palms. “Yes...”

“That’s how I feel right now. What happened to Aiyana, what she did, would be hard to...to cope with. She’s not completely to blame—she was so young—but she made some bad decisions that got her into a situation no one would ever ask to be in.”

“She was raped?” Cora had wondered that before, many times. If Aiyana had been raped, Cora could understand why she might not care to live with the reminder, so she was surprised when he shook his head.

“No. Cal said, and I agree, that if it had been a random attack, something where she wasn’t also culpable, she might’ve been able to get over it by now.”

“You’re saying she’s not over it.”

“Not from what I can see. If she was, I believe she’d be married to Cal. Instead, she’s pushing him away, denying herself any hope of that kind of happiness and fulfillment.”

“She’s punishing herself because of me?”

“Not because of you. Because of guilt. Because of regret. Because she hurt someone she loves. Cal told me she doesn’t believe she deserves to be happy, which is why we see her giving so much to everyone else while continually denying herself.”

“Cal said that?”

“Not in so many words. But once he explained the situation, I understood. Aiyana’s rejecting his love because she doesn’t feel she deserves it.”

Forcing her hands open, Cora rubbed her sweaty palms on her denim-clad thighs. “But if it wasn’t rape, how bad can it be? And if it is that bad, why would Cal ever open up about it?”

“Trust me, he was reluctant. He just didn’t have much choice, not with you living here and marrying me.”

“Your mother wouldn’t want me here if she knew who I was. That’s the bottom line, isn’t it?” She’d told herself she’d accept whatever Eli came back with, take it well. She’d been lucky enough to have Lilly and Brad. But she couldn’t stem the bitter disappointment that flooded through her.

“I don’t believe that, no. And it took some convincing, but before I left Cal agreed with me. As painful as it might be, confronting the truth is the only way you’ll be able to have the relationship with Aiyana that you deserve, and then maybe she can finally heal. Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better.”