Finding Our Forever (Silver Springs #1)(61)
“Will you marry me, Cora?”
Cora could hardly breathe. This was a proposal—nothing she’d expected to come from Eli. Not this soon. He’d convinced her that he would never take that step, that he couldn’t trust enough to take that step. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she’d always hoped he’d find his way around that barrier. But now? She wasn’t prepared! She still hadn’t told him the truth!
“You keep talking about moving away after next semester,” he said. “But I hate the thought of that. I hope you’ll stay here, with me. You gave me that statue to symbolize what I’m trying to do here at New Horizons—”
“What you are doing,” she broke in.
“But you’re doing the same thing—making a difference in the lives of young people who need you. I need you, too, even though I’m not so young,” he added with a grin.
Her gaze met and locked with his. “Are you saying you love me, Eli?”
“How can you even ask that? Nothing else could ever make me take this risk. You’ve changed my life, Cora. Made me whole,” he added softly.
Tears filled her eyes as she stared down at the big diamond he’d bought. “This is gorgeous.”
He leaned in to catch her eye. “I was hoping you’d simply say yes. Don’t you love me?”
“I do. Without question. I just...” She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. “I have to tell you something before I can accept this. I wasn’t going to do it on Christmas—I didn’t want to ruin the holidays. But... I’m afraid I’ve put it off too long already. And now you’ll hate me, which will make this ring a moot point.”
Lines of consternation appeared on his forehead. “What are you talking about?”
She shook her head. “You won’t believe it. And what makes it all worse is that I don’t even know if I have the right to tell you. I feel like this should come from Aiyana, since you’re her son. But...but it hasn’t come from her. No one seems to know about me. And once I met you, I couldn’t resist you. I tried. Lord knows I tried. Anyway, here we are.”
He got off the bed. “That just confused the hell out of me. What are you talking about?”
“Aiyana’s my biological mother, Eli.” There. She’d said it.
For a moment, she wished she could snatch those words right back. She was so terrified of what they might destroy. But she couldn’t continue to live a lie. That wasn’t fair to Eli, which meant she didn’t really have a choice.
“That’s impossible,” he said.
“I assure you it’s not impossible. It’s true.”
“She had a child.” His words rang with disbelief.
“Yes. One she gave up for adoption twenty-eight years ago—to a couple in LA. Brad and Lilly, both of whom you’ve met. I’m that child.”
“But...why would she give you up? Was she too young? Unable to care for you? Aiyana loves children!”
“I can’t provide the reason. She was twenty-one, so not outrageously young. That’s the thing. I’ve always wondered why she didn’t want me. That’s what drove me to come here—that and wondering what my biological mother might be like.”
“Does she know who you are?”
“No.”
He shoved a hand through his hair. “Holy shit.”
“I’m sorry. I would’ve told you sooner, but...it’s all been so complicated for me. Once the private investigator helped me locate Aiyana, and I saw that she ran New Horizons and was looking for an art instructor, I believed it was meant to be. What an opportunity, right? I thought I’d apply and hope to land the job so that I could get to know her a bit before...before divulging my identity. I felt if I could only learn more about her, I might understand why she gave me away and be able to determine if she might welcome me back. That’s all. I wasn’t trying to trick anyone, not in a harmful way. And I certainly wasn’t planning on falling in love with you.”
He began to pace. “That’s why you wanted the job so badly.”
She nodded.
“And that’s why you were so set on leaving at the end of the year.”
“Yes. I didn’t see any other choice.” She sniffed to keep her nose from running. “As I said, it was never my intent to hurt anyone. That’s partly why I haven’t spoken up. Once I got to know Aiyana, I realized that there must be a good reason she cut me out of her life. But I’ve been afraid to find out what that reason is—even while curiosity eats me alive every day. Why would someone like Aiyana walk away from her own baby? It’s been nearly thirty years—why wouldn’t she come looking for me? And why has she never mentioned that she once had a child—to anyone? No one seems to know about me, which is why I feel guilty telling you. It feels disloyal to reveal all of this, as if I’m divulging her most intimate secret—even though it’s my secret, too.”
His chest lifted as he drew a deep breath. “Are you going to tell her who you are?”
“I don’t know. I go back and forth on that every day—another reason why I never told you. I didn’t want to burden you with the same uncertainty, didn’t want you to wonder if you were being disloyal to your own mother by not telling, if that’s the way you decided to go. So... I’ll ask you the same thing—are you going to tell her?”