Filthy Gods (American Gods 0.5)(30)

“If you continue to see him, I will pull all of his inheritance, pull every dollar I gave to Yale. Every chance of him finishing his final year will be gone. And it’ll all be your fault,” she snapped.

My blood ran cold and I paused. I glanced over my shoulder at her, seeing her chest heave up and down fast. She would be willing to ruin her son’s future because of me?

“He’s the smartest student in our grade. There are scholarships…”

Her eyes grew wild. “It’s too late to apply for any scholarships. He would be left without a means to attend.” She let her words sink in. “Would you be willing to be the reason he loses his future?”

That was a blow to my stomach and my knees shook. I knew his future was everything to him. I knew he had the same drive as me and I wouldn’t let him lose it. I wouldn’t be the cause of him losing everything he had worked for.

And in that moment, I felt a shift inside of me.

I cared about both our futures.

Even if we weren’t together.

I shot Mrs. Hawthorne a glare and lifted my head high. “I’ll break it off.”

Her smile widened and she nodded, returning to her checkbook. “I’ll write the check…”

“I don’t want your damn money,” I hissed and left her office.

Tears pierced the back of my eyes and I fought them, blinking.

With a heavy heart, I went back to mopping, knowing I would have to break it off with Nathaniel as soon as possible.





I had avoided the pool, the bar and the tennis court all day, places I knew Nathaniel would be, focusing on work. I had packed my bags, knowing after I spoke to Nathaniel I would leave the country club and return to New Haven and back to Yale. I’d find a way to get by on what I had made over the summer.

I walked up the familiar dirt path and stared at the white, peaceful cottage hidden by full green willow branches. It had been the hottest day of the summer and I knew soon it would grow cold and the fresh green leaves would wilt when winter’s harsh breath blew. The warm water would turn cold and the grass would die, buried under snow.

But as I walked up to the cottage, pushing back long branches from my face, I felt in my bones it would take endless amounts of seasons to forget how Nathaniel Radcliffe made me feel.

So alive.

So powerful.

So in love with a man who had been my enemy and now was everything to me.

I paused in front of the door, my hand mid-air, so close to the handle. I knew as soon as I walked through that door I would be breaking my own heart. A heart I had guarded from everyone for so long. A heart that belonged to him.

I opened the door and stepped inside. The cottage, fully renovated, but still empty. The windows at the back of the cottage were completely finished and revealed the perfect, breathtaking view of the ocean and the beach. It was endless and Nathaniel had made me feel that way.

Breathless, complete, powerful.

He’d made me feel like I could conquer everything I had always dreamt of with him beside me.

I moved closer, stepping in front of the glass windows, reaching out, but not quite touching.

“You’ve been avoiding me all day.” Nathaniel’s voice echoed behind me and I felt his words shake my bones.

I breathed out shakily and slowly turned to face him.

He stood in the middle of the room, his head held high, his features guarded, a hand stuffed into his pocket.

Too beautiful to glimpse. That sharp jaw ticking as the seconds prolonged. That mouth pressed into a thin line. Those bright eyes filled with a hard glint.

I tried to match his posture; steel and iron. Unreadable. As always. “I was busy.”

Thick tension filled the room and each move I made was watched under calculating eyes.

“Nathaniel,” I said, the words leaving my dry mouth and filling our silence.

“What are we?” His words slashed through me; controlled, even.

I stared at him, all the blood leaving my face. “We…we were having fun.”

I watched him, but no emotion reached his face and he shifted his weight to his other foot.

I thought back to his mother’s office, to the deal I’d made with her. I had to break it off with him, and it would be now.

“It was a fling. We were just having fun to get rid of distractions…but—” My voice died on my tongue when I braved a look at him. His eyes had hardened. “I need to focus on my future. I doubt we’ll distract each other anymore since we got it out of our systems now.”

He nodded curtly, his eyes leaving my face since I first turned toward him. His fingers rubbed his jaw, humming to himself.

I cleared my throat. Emotions were brewing inside of me. Emotions I had never wanted to feel, never wanted to acknowledge. Saying those things to him when I wanted to say the opposite was crushing me.

But did he even feel the same way?

“I have to go, Nathaniel. Good luck in your future,” I said, keeping my voice as even as possible, but my heart was cracking open and spilling everywhere. He couldn’t see it though, he couldn’t see me breaking apart because I had mastered masks for so many years and he was believing it.

And for once in my life, I wished someone would see right through my lies. That he would spare me this hurt.

“I’ll see you around school, I guess.”

When he still didn’t look at me, eyes drilling holes in the hardwood floors, I walked past him, letting myself take a deep breath.