Filthy Gods (American Gods 0.5)(21)

He scowled. “She’s not my date.”

I rolled my eyes. “You two were fucking each other with your eyes.”

He glared, stepping so close I shivered. “I wasn’t eye fucking her. There’s only one person I want to eye fuck—or fuck at all—and she’s standing right in front of me.”

His words struck me and I stared back at him, wanting to appear strong and angry.

But he shook me to my core. I felt exposed. Like I had just laid out all my emotions to him. That I cared probably more than he did. Like I had shown him my underbelly and he’d dig his claws and teeth in deep and destroy me.

I didn’t belong with these people. Nathaniel was meant to date someone like that girl. A girl I would never be. I’d always carry my past with me. I would never be prim and proper and blue-blooded.

Neither of us spoke and I dropped my gaze, tired and angry and sad and confused. “I’m leaving.”

“Then I’m walking you,” he stated.

I didn’t fight him and as we made our way onto the beach, I felt like I should have told the girls I was leaving.

“I didn’t think I’d see you or the other guys tonight,” I said, kicking at the sand.

He cocked a brow. “You do realize that’s James’s house, right?”

My eyes widened. “That was his house?”

He laughed.

“Won’t his dad be pissed? He’s destroying the house! And he’s fighting while intoxicated.”

“James is addicted to the thrill. His dad will be pissed, but he’ll redecorate it. It happens every time James is pissed at his father. He hosts parties and destroys the house,” Nathaniel explained.

“Huh,” I whispered. I couldn’t imagine living like that. Being so destructive, so wild and irresponsible. I eyed Nathaniel in the shadows. “I thought for a moment you would hit him.”

His blue eyes caught mine and he rubbed his jaw, looking ahead. “Life is ten percent what happens to you; ninety percent is how you react to it. I chose not to engage.”

I watched him, his face cemented in that expression he wore during our debates. To conceal himself. He fisted his hands once and then unclenched them, flexing his fingers out. Like he had wanted to strike back at Thatcher.

Him being calm and thinking before jumping into a fight made my heart pound. Somehow, he continued to become more attractive than before.

“Did you kick Thatcher out of your secret club?”

He gave me a look and after a beat, sighed. “Yes. I won’t tolerate someone like that.”

I swayed, tightening my sweater around my middle. “Are you like…the boss?”

He laughed. “No, I’m not, but I know the other members will back me on this decision. Especially Gabe, Arsen, and James.”

I fidgeted with my necklace, opening my mouth and shutting it.

“Out with it,” he challenged, a gleam in his eyes.

I glared and bowed my head, staring at my feet as we walked along the beach. “You didn’t have to step in.”

He touched my arm and I came to a stop beside him. “Is that your way of thanking me?”

I hesitated and slowly, nodded, but another thing ate at me. “I thought you weren’t supposed to be back until Monday.”

He let his head drop and stepped closer, his body touching mine. His eyes found my own. “I got back a few hours ago. When I went to find you, they said you were out at a party.”

“You went looking for me?”

He nodded and opened his mouth, but the sound of fireworks exploding overhead diverted our attention. I stared at the blues and reds painting the night sky.

When I turned to smile at Nathaniel, he was already watching me.

Watching me in a way that took my breath away.

In a way no person had ever looked at me.

“What?” I clasped my mouth shut as soon as the harsh word escaped me. I know how it sounded; defensive and I didn’t want him to think I needed to defend myself against him.

He smiled softly at that. Popping open his jacket button, he lowered himself onto the beach, his hands melting into the white sand.

“Sit,” he said, gesturing at the spot beside him.

I rolled my lip between my teeth and glanced back at the house party, so bright, so loud and far away. And then looked back down at him. Almost glowing in the darkness, his smile faint and deadly, his eyes dark spheres of power and intelligence.

I sat and eyed the waves rolling onto the beach a few feet away, crashing and retreating. Like me. I would crash and retreat. I learned people left from a young age. The people most important to me always vanished and I was better to leave before they disappeared.

“What were you doing in the city?” I asked after a moment of comfortable silence.

He leaned back and shifted his intense gaze to me. “I was visiting my father. Both my parents are disagreeing on my future.”

I straightened. “On your future?”

He exhaled slowly, his chest expanding so the fabric of his shirt stretched tight to his athletic form. “Yes. My mother wants me to take over her family’s hotel business. My father wants me to follow in his footsteps and become the mayor of Boston.”

I hummed, shifting my weight onto my palms behind me.

His brows lowered. “What did that hum mean?”