Fight or Flight(76)

“Nice place,” I finally said, turning toward him. He was standing in the middle of the room, still glaring at me. His greeting echoed in my head. Did you fuck him?

Why do you care?

I stifled a heavy sigh. “I didn’t sleep with Leo. We didn’t even go on a date. I called him just after you left to cancel. FYI, you’re officially a Neanderthal.”

The glare softened into a look of neutrality but not before I saw the flicker of something that revealed a truth that equal parts terrified and thrilled me.

I saw relief.

It was there in his eyes for just a second.

Moreover, I now knew Caleb well enough to know that he only ever slipped on that damn blank mask of his when he was determined to hide the depth of the emotions he was feeling. “I don’t want to sleep with other people. I’d like whatever this is to be exclusive.”

He didn’t say a word.

He didn’t have to.

One minute I was standing by his bookshelves; the next I was bent over the arm of his sofa, the breath knocked out of me as he fumbled for the zip on my jeans. As he yanked the jeans and underwear down my legs, cool air hitting me in all my vulnerable areas, I gasped, shocked by the deep, tugging wave of desire in my belly—I felt like I should have been upset instead of turned on.

“Caleb?” His name came out on a harsh breath that didn’t sound like me. My heart rate had shot off into the stratosphere and with it my breathing, my chest rising and falling in excited/ scared heaves.

I tried to straighten, but the force of his body against me kept me bent over, my fingers curling into the back of the sofa to keep me steady. The sound of his zipper lowering made me shudder in need, and then he gripped my hair in his fist to hold me, while his other hand caressed my ass.

His fingers trailed a teasing path down the curve of my bottom to between my legs, and my excitement escalated despite my misgivings.

“I’m clean.”

Understanding what he meant, I could only nod, confused, too confused to be thinking clearly.

A mere second later he pushed into me and I cried out at the swift invasion. But as he moved in me, an uneasiness triumphed over my lust. We’d never had sex without a condom, but we’d had sex like this before and I’d enjoyed it. Yet right then, not being able to see his face—being faceless to him—felt wrong. It felt like he was making a point to cover up his earlier jealousy.

It felt like he was telling me I was just a body.

And all the heat leaked out of me.

Tears pricked my eyes before I could stop them.

It shouldn’t have shocked me that Caleb sensed the change in me immediately, but it did. I suspected most guys would have been too blinded by their own pleasure-seeking to notice. Instead he was so attuned to me, he knew instantly the moment I stopped enjoying myself. He withdrew from me completely. He let go of my hair to grip my hips with both hands. “Ava?”

I shook my head, afraid if I spoke I’d start to cry.

“Shit,” he bit out. “Ava?”

When I continued to remain silent, he cursed again, and then I heard the sound of the zipper on his jeans. This was followed by him inexplicably removing my shoes and then my jeans and underwear from around my ankles.

I glanced down over my shoulder to protest, but the words were halted when he suddenly stood and swung me up into his arms. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck, but I couldn’t look at him. I felt his eyes on my face and I wondered if he could feel how fast my heart was beating. Wearing nothing but my sweater, I found myself carried into the large master bedroom, noting wearily that the floor-to-ceiling windows continued in here, as did the balcony.

“Caleb,” I whispered.

He laid me gently on the bed but didn’t give me space. At all. He settled over me, between my legs, his body braced above me by his hands at either side of my head. And he frowned down at me, his eyes studying me with an intensity that made me breathless.

“What just happened? Was it because I didn’t want tae wear a condom? You’re on the pill, right? I’ve seen you take it.”

Determined to be as honest as I could with him while still protecting myself, I attempted to keep the hurt out of my voice as I replied, “No. I mean, yes, I’m on the pill, but it’s not about the condom or lack thereof. It just … that felt a little too much like sex between strangers.”

His brows pulled together. “Explain.”

“I was never going to overanalyze the fact that you didn’t want me sleeping with Leo. Okay. You don’t like to share. Great. Got it. I don’t like to share either—that’s why I called it off with Leo. But—” I sucked in a breath, forcing the tears away, the emotion, so he wouldn’t know how much he could toy with my feelings. “That didn’t feel like how it normally feels. It felt like you were proving a point. Like … I could be anybody. That I was just a body to use.”

Anger suffused his features. Caleb was Pissed with a capital P. I wanted to sink into the mattress to melt out of his sight range.

“No matter what is going on between us,” he bit out, “I would never treat you like some faceless whore.”

I flinched. “Then what was that out there? Why did it feel different?”

Caleb pushed up off me so that he was kneeling between my spread legs and scrubbed his hands over his beard, letting out a grunt of frustration.