Fight or Flight(57)
“I just want you, Caleb. The one man I’ve ever met who hasn’t lied to me. Who hasn’t made promises he can’t keep and that I don’t want him to keep.” And I didn’t, I realized with a blast of cold reality. These past few days Caleb had confused me. The passion between us confused me. But Nick was a swift and much needed reminder that this kind of love just hurt too damn much and never seemed to be worth it in the end. I didn’t want to feel anything beyond desire for Caleb. And I wouldn’t. “You’re right. This, between us, will only ever be about sex. But it is just between you and me. I am never thinking about anyone else but you when we’re together. How could I?” I whispered, hoping he saw how much I wanted him. “And right now I need you to make me forget that tomorrow I have to wake up knowing that asshole is in my city.”
Apparently, I didn’t need to ask him twice.
Perhaps it was only the light warmth of the morning sun tickling my face that woke me up the next day. It certainly felt like it as consciousness seeped in, rescuing me from a dream where I was chasing Gem through Phoenix while Nick chased me. I’d felt terror that I’d never catch her and fear that he would catch me.
However, when I opened my eyes slowly, blinking against the light flooding the room, the first thing that came into focus was Caleb’s pale blue eyes staring at me with unmasked curiosity.
The evening before came rushing back and as I shifted under the covers I felt our physical activities in the slight ache in my muscles.
I had attacked the poor guy last night.
Not that he’d been complaining. He gave as good as he got.
If I was being honest with myself, I’d half expected to wake up and find him gone since he’d been so uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping over in the first place, but you wouldn’t think it of him with his casual, at-ease pose, lying on his side on my bed gazing at me. I suddenly wondered if it was his eyes on my face that had woken me rather than the morning sun.
“Hey,” I said, my voice hoarse with sleep.
“Morning.” He reached out and brushed my hair off my face in a tender action that made me snuggle deeper into my pillow. It felt nice, but my resolve from last night hadn’t deserted me just because I’d woken up to Mr. Sexy brushing my hair off my face.
“What time is it?”
“Just after nine.”
“Hmm. Give me a sec and I’ll get up, make you coffee. Breakfast, if you like.”
“Sounds good. Take your time.” He braced his head on the palm of his hand, his elbow bent into the pillow beneath him. “Tell me about your parents. About Nick and Gemma.”
My breath stuttered at the sudden demand. “Caleb—”
“You said some things that concern me, Ava. Put my mind at ease.”
I frowned, taken aback by the fact that he was worried about me.
He must have seen the confusion in my expression. “We’ve both made it clear that this is just a physical relationship, and after last night I am more convinced than ever that you’re not one of these women who tells you she’s happy with it just being sex but is angling for more. I get that now. Which means when we talked about being friends, we both meant that too. We can handle it. So I made up my mind that you’re my friend, Ava. And I’m worried about my friend.”
Affection for this man suffused me and I sat up, mirroring his pose, and reached out with my free hand to stroke his chest tenderly. “I’m good, I promise.”
“You aren’t going tae tell me, are you?” He scowled, like he couldn’t believe he wasn’t getting his way.
My amusement over how adorable that was made me pause as I began to ask myself why I couldn’t tell Caleb. Before Nick’s arrival I knew I didn’t want to tell Caleb anything personal because I was afraid revealing myself to him would only deepen my feelings for him. But I was now absolute in my decision to keep things on a friends-with-benefits level. And honestly, after last night, seeing Nick out of the blue like that, it might be nice to vent.
I stared into his searching eyes. “So I can tell you things now without you worrying it means I’m falling for you?”
“Aye.”
“Then I must tell you, Mr. Scott, that you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.”
His lips twitched. “That wasn’t the kind of thing I was talking about.”
“Wolf eyes.”
“Ava.”
I chuckled, but the sound slowly died when I saw he was serious. Fine. “I really am okay. Nothing happened to me when I was a kid, if that’s what you’re worried about. It came close, but I escaped relatively unscathed.”
“Tell me about it.”
I sighed. “My parents are wannabe hippies. They love material things too much to be true hippies. My great-grandfather was an industrial giant and each generation since has taken care of that inheritance very well. My father has a hefty trust fund and impressive investment portfolio. It allowed us to live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood, and for my parents to not have to work,” I said, hearing the bitterness in my voice. “Growing up with them was exhausting. They were irresponsible about everything but money.
“I didn’t have it so bad. I know that now. I know that there are people out there who had it so much worse growing up. But my parents never treated me like I was their child. I got the same affection and attention that anybody did from them, and it was scarce because they were always living in their own little world. I took care of myself from before I could remember. Learned to make my own breakfast, got myself to school, made dinner when they were too high to make it for me. As I got older they started to have these wild parties at the house. It never even crossed their minds that they were putting their kid in danger by inviting strangers into our home.” I thought back to the night it all got scary.