Fifty Words for Rain(97)

“Alice,” she whispered.

There was no response. The figure in the bed did not even stir.

“Alice,” she tried again, more forcefully this time.

Still nothing.

Nori knelt down so that the two of them were at eye level. “Alice,” she said, “it’s time to get up now.”

Alice’s lips moved, but she did not speak.

Nori tried again. “We have to go back to London. The summer is over. You have duties. Your husband has called, again, to say that the girls are asking for you. It’s time to go home.”

Alice’s face was full of hatred. “Go,” she hissed, with quiet fury.

“I can’t go,” Nori said gently. “I’m so very sorry. But today is the last day of this, my dear. You have to get up.”

Alice looked into her eyes. “Go away, Nori. Everything was fine before you came here. Just go away.”

Nori ignored the twinge of agony she felt. It was not the first time she had thought this herself, but there was no time now for self-pity.

“It makes no difference now,” she said evenly. “Horrible things happen and we will never know why. You must bear the injustice of it, you must swallow it down like a bitter pill and carry on. You must get up.”

“I demand to know why!” Alice shrieked. She bolted up. “Why take him?” she raged. “I want to know why, damn it. I want to know why.”

“God’s will,” Nori said, and it cost her a great deal to say it.

Alice folded over and sobbed. “It’s my fault,” she moaned. “It’s my fault. I have a sin, I have a horrible sin. I was sixteen. In Paris, I . . . I was so afraid. I was so afraid, Nori. They never would’ve let me come home if they’d found out I’d gotten pregnant. It would’ve been the end of me. And I had nobody. I was alone.”

Nori took in this latest revelation without blinking. “That’s not a sin. And even if it were, it is between you and Him. He wouldn’t punish anyone else.”

It was so eerie to say these words out loud. She wondered who she was really speaking to.

Alice let out a heartrending cry. “I’m supposed to be past my troubles.”

“You are, Alice. You have recovered from everything that’s happened. And you are so young, and you have the girls already. You will have other babies. I promise you.”

Nori held out her hands. After a moment, Alice took them, and the two women rose to their feet.

Alice swallowed down an endless stream of tears. “But I wanted this baby.”

Nori didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say.

The next morning, they left for London.





CHAPTER SEVENTEEN


    BUT HOME IS NOWHERE




London, England

December 1964

By winter the mood had lightened. Alice was restored to her usual good cheer and had thrown herself wholeheartedly into planning for the holiday season. Nori knew it was a front, but she of all people knew how necessary it was to have distractions. She let it be.

Nori withdrew as much as she could. There was no question at all of her attending any more parties.

Besides, she was preoccupied. Avoiding Noah was growing increasingly difficult. His gazes grew longer and more heated. She began finding little gifts of silk or paper flowers in her room. There were poems and candies, ribbons and tiny painted figurines.

She ignored them all. But she knew that eventually she would have to face him.

He caught her on the back stairs one morning before breakfast.

“Do move,” she said, politely enough. “I’m expected.”

“Have you gotten my gifts?”

Nori cheated her gaze to the side. “I have.”

“And? They don’t please you?” he asked, in a tone so earnest that it made her heart ache.

“It’s not that. They’re very pretty.”

“I read a book about origami,” he said, his cheeks rosy. “And I thought you would like it. I hoped it would remind you of home.”

My God. You poor, sweet fool.

“Mr. Rowe, it is not appropriate for you to be sending me gifts.”

The boy before her shifted awkwardly, and she was reminded of just how young he was. She wondered if she was the first girl he’d ever set his heart on.

“I know I’m beneath your station,” he mumbled. “And I don’t mean to offend. It’s just I . . . I think you’re beautiful.”

She felt a warm tingle in her spine.

“You’re not beneath me,” she said clearly. “No one is beneath me. Trust me. But I am a foreigner, and much older than you.”

Noah smiled and revealed perfectly white, straight teeth.

“Hardly. Barely five years.”

She shook her head. “You are a charming young man. I am sure that there are many lovely English girls that would love to receive gifts from you.”

He frowned at her. “But I don’t want to get them gifts. I got them for you.”

Nori hesitated. She could twist herself in knots all day trying not to hurt him. But she needed to put an end to this.

“I can’t give you what you want, Noah.”

He took a step closer to her, and she caught the scent of warm cedar and freshly cut grass.