Fifty Words for Rain(100)

It just felt like he belonged.

But Nori was quite sure she was incapable of the love he deserved. Her heart had been snatched from her chest on the side of a dark road.

As they rang in the New Year of 1965, Nori made sure that she was well out of sight. Alice had filled the house with well-dressed strangers, and Nori had no desire to be gaped at like a circus attraction.

High in the branches of a tree, she hid.

She’d hiked her black dress up and left her shoes on the ground. It wasn’t ladylike, but it worked.

Everywhere in the world there were trees. She was immensely grateful to them for their constancy.

Someone called her name. She took a firm hold of a sturdy branch before looking down.

It was Noah, wearing a thick winter coat and the scarf she’d given him.

She contemplated staying right where she was.

“Come down or I’ll come up after you,” he shouted playfully. “And I can’t climb, so I’ll probably crack my skull open.”

She knew he wouldn’t, but she came down anyway. She moved with practiced ease, swinging down from branch to branch until she landed before him with a thud.

He smiled at her. “Nori.”

And just the way he said her name made her want to run. “Noah . . .”

He held up a hand. “I have ten more minutes.”

He looked at her, and she could tell from the warm light in his eyes that they had come to it: the inevitable conclusion. She knew what he would say, and she knew what she must say back to him.

The noise from inside faded away, and the only sound was the wind rustling through the trees and the obnoxiously loud beat of her heart. “Don’t,” she whispered, but even as she spoke she knew there was no stopping it.

“I’m in love with you.” There. He had said it.

Don’t. Please don’t.

He gave her a soft smile. He looked sad. “I know you wish that I wasn’t,” he said. “I wish that I wasn’t too. But I am. I’m in love with you, Nori, and it isn’t going to change. I was in love with you yesterday. And I’ll be in love with you tomorrow.”

Don’t.

“I don’t expect you to say anything,” he continued. “I know you think that I only love you because you’re beautiful. And you are, Nori. But that’s not why. I’m not a child—I don’t worship you. I see you for what you are. And I know that you’re stubborn, that you have blind spots the size of mountains. I know that you want one thing one day and the very opposite the next. I know that you have no idea who you are or what you want to be. I know you think life is over for you because your brother is gone, and you’re just filling the time until you die. And I know you think that I’m just a boy who is too blind to see all of that.” She really couldn’t breathe now. The wind picked up and she felt herself sway.

Noah took her hand, and she was too stunned to do anything about it.

“But I also know that I love the way you hum in the mornings,” he went on, and though his hand was shaking his voice was not. “I love the way your curls refuse to lie down on one side some days. I love the way you think that honey is better than diamonds. I love how tender you are towards all God’s creatures. I love your sharp mind and your enduring heart. I love . . . God, I love everything about you, Nori. Even the things I wish I didn’t, I do. I love you more than . . . anything I ever could have dreamed of. And that’s how I know it’s real, what I feel for you. Because I never could have imagined anything like this. I never could have imagined you.” He let go of her hand. His beautiful face was a strained mask. He kissed her, just once, and she felt a deep pulse in the very core of her being.

“Marry me,” he said.

Her mouth opened and closed and no sound came out.

“If you won’t have me, I’ll have to go,” he said quietly. “There’s no point in trying not to see you. You’re everything to me.”

He smiled at her one last time and went back inside the house.

Nori sank to the ground and buried her face in her hands.

Go after him.

Get up. Get up.

But she could not.



* * *





The next morning, it was Alice who found her sitting by the fire in the study, staring at nothing.

“Noah’s packing,” she said. “Can you tell me why?”

Nori let out a small groan.

Alice sat beside her. “He told you he loves you, didn’t he?”

She nodded.

Alice took her hand. “Ah, my dear. You must have known.”

“But why did he have to say so?” she burst out. “Because now he has to leave and I don’t want him to leave.”

Alice stroked her hair. “But you love him too.”

Nori did not deny it. “You told me he was a poor nothing,” she scoffed. “That he was beneath me.”

“Oh, he is. But I think he is a good man. And I think your brother would have liked him.”

There was no higher praise.

Nori shut her eyes. “I can’t handle this,” she said bluntly. “I am incapable of it, Alice. Really. I can deal with injustice. I can deal with tragedy. I can deal with loss.”

“But you can’t deal with the idea that maybe it’s time for you to be happy?” Alice said gently. “That terrifies you so much that you’re willing to lose him?”