Fallen Woman(88)

I kept my mouth shut and my opinion to myself. Jase loved his family and was close to his grandfather. There was no need for me to upset him, and as little as I’d been around them up to this point, it was safe to say they wouldn’t be by on a daily basis. That might change some once Jase had biological children, but I could’ve gotten used to having his mom around all the time—she was a completely different story from the stuffy old men she was related to.

Flipping through the channels, sitting in my husband’s favorite chair in his cave, I could hear the sounds of the kids playing as they ran around the house. It brought me great joy for them to feel secure and settled, to have a home. They deserved two parents who loved them and wanted the best for them. I didn’t have a role model for what that should look like, but I was feeling my way through it, and with Jase by my side, we’d be okay.

He startled me from my thoughts when he turned the corner into the room. I’d expected him to be happy, ready to embark on a new day back at the office in the morning. What I encountered was a man who appeared weighted down. I couldn’t imagine the conversation would have gone any other way than positively, but maybe my intuition had been off.

I scurried to sit up to address him. “What’s wrong? Did that not go well?”

He flopped down in the seat next to me and lounged backward. “It did. I mean it went like I thought it would. The board approved my return as early as tomorrow. My grandfather loved the kids, thought you were beautiful and charming—obviously well educated. The rest of my family is thrilled for us. You know, the usual crap families tell each other.”

“So what’s the problem?”

He took in a deep breath, expanding his rib cage dramatically, then let it rush out in a huff. “I just don’t know how I feel about going back.” Steel gray eyes locked on mine. He held my gaze for a second, waiting for a response.

“Do you not want to?” I didn’t know what this would mean for us. Jase had assured me money would never be an issue for us or our children, but so much of his identity was tied to that building. To that business.

His hesitation was a strong indication there was something on the tip of his tongue he didn’t know how to share. “What do you think about selling the house? Moving. Starting over.” Sitting straight up, he faced me and took my hand in his—connecting us physically. Stabilizing himself. Grounding me. “We can pick a place together. Find a house as a couple.”

My eyes felt large and round, the lids pulled so far back they instantly dried from exposure. “You want to quit your job and move? To where?” Surely, he hadn’t really thought this through.

“Anywhere. A small town. A slower pace. A community we can become a part of where the kids can thrive. I just need a change.” I watched as he seemed to search for words. “I’m disheartened with my family’s choice to ostracize me when I faced a hurdle. I’ve never been in trouble; I was a good kid. It’s not like this was an everyday occurrence, or someone was constantly bailing me out of jail. I defended my wife—a woman who’d been taken advantage of. But not one of them, not my mother, father, grandfather, the board, took the time to find out why I’d acted so out of character. That bothers me.”

I nodded my understanding, hesitating to agree or disagree with him. While he may have been venting about his family, that was very different than my doing it. I wanted to be supportive but thought the best way to do that might’ve been to just lend him an ear.

“Gianna, I’m serious. My future isn’t at Faston. It’s with you and the kids. Our baby.”

“We don’t have to move for you to leave the company. Your friends are here…your family.”

“Yep. And they’ll still be here when we leave. This…,” he waved his arms around, indicating the house, “is just too much. It’s not us; it’s a former me.”

“How did you leave things with your grandfather? Is he expecting you at work tomorrow?” I didn’t want him to rush a decision that would affect the rest of our lives. He wasn’t irrational, or at least he hadn’t been in the past.

“I told him I needed to talk to my wife about how we planned to proceed, and I would get back with him.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Jase loved Faston. He grew up running in the halls and playing on the elevators. It was always where he’d planned to be…where his family had planned for him to be…until me.

“So, wife.” He gave me a goofy grin and made some silly face he thought was cute. “What do you say? Wanna throw caution to the wind? Blow this popsicle stand?”

I learned long ago home isn’t a place. There’s no set destination on a map you feel safe. It’s a feeling, an emotion you share with someone else. My home rests with Jase—along with my heart. I didn’t care where we lived as long as we were all together.

“I say you’re the man of the house. You lead and I’ll follow…barefoot and pregnant.” I couldn’t help but laugh. If he wasn’t working and I wasn’t working, I’d likely spend the vast majority of the next couple years in my current state. Ten years ago, I never would have thought that life would appeal to me. It’s funny what a good man can do to your perception. “But, Jase. I do think you should sleep on it and call your grandfather tomorrow. There’s no race for us to uproot our lives. We can do it in our time.”