Fallen Woman(84)
“Are you kidding me? Why would you want to do that?” His eyes went dark, and his mood went somber…quickly.
“Because I only did it to get him to stop harassing you. I’ll never be able to prove what happened that night. The only person who knows the truth is Holland, and he’s obviously not going to admit anything, so why drag myself through the torture of a trial. I don’t want the kids going through that or you either.” I’d yet to admit the real reason, and I knew it wasn’t true, but until the day the baby was born, no one else would believe it. I sighed, seeing I hadn’t convinced him this was the right thing to do. “I don’t want people assuming I’m carrying Holland’s baby, Jase.”
His mouth fell open, and he stared at me with a dumbfounded expression. “Is there any chance it is?”
I stared at the floor and bit my lip. I hadn’t told him because I’d hoped I would never have to. “No. I took the morning after pill at the hospital. There’s no possibility. But Jase, I don’t want to defend paternity for nine months.”
I continued to pick at my fingers, waiting for his response. I had no idea if Holland had used protection or if that night resulted in pregnancy, but I couldn’t feed another mouth. I didn’t have it in me to raise a child conceived that way if it had happened, so I eliminated the possibility. I knew he’d be disappointed, but I’d made the best decision I could at the time.
I saw his feet in front of me before he spoke, but I couldn’t lift my eyes for him to see my shame. His fingertips touched my chin, tilting it up so he could see me.
“I’m so incredibly sorry, Gia. I wish I’d known.” The pain in his voice told me he saw this as his fault. He believed he had put me in harm’s way introducing me to Holland to begin with, and all this had been the aftershock of that poor decision.
“Honestly, Jase, I haven’t allowed myself to think about it or even process it. I don’t remember anything about that night, nothing. But you needed to know, I am one hundred percent certain, this baby is yours. I have no desire to share how I know that with a world of onlookers.”
“Let’s go call Hart and see what his thoughts are. If this is what you want to do, I’ll support it, but I think you should follow through. We know the truth, and no one else matters.”
“Your job matters. Your family matters. Jase, I don’t want to drag anyone through the mud or the turmoil. I’ve been on that end, and it’s horrible as an innocent bystander. I want your family to embrace us, our kids. I’ve never had that, and it means so much to me for my children to experience it. The closest they’d gotten was Miss Pearl, and she was taken far too soon.”
“Okay. I’ll call him.”
I didn’t listen to the call. Hearing everything I’d just told Jase repeated to Hart didn’t appeal to me. It was hard enough listening to the words from my own mouth, but hearing my husband repeat it wasn’t something I could stomach. It also meant we no longer shared the secret of the pregnancy between the two of us. Once Hart knew, the little private connection disappeared, so I held onto it as long as I could.
He came back into the room once he got off the phone. I turned the television down so I could hear what he had to say, but I could tell by the color of his eyes he didn’t have news I wanted to hear.
“If you drop the charges, the state will pick them up. Like it or not, Holland is going to face the judge for what he did to you. Hart said the best you can do is ask the prosecutor for leniency, but he recommends we stay out of it and only do what is asked of us.”
My head fell into my hands as I thought about how I had ruined another man’s life. Rationally, I knew he’d made his own decision. He chose the path he took that night. Holland had planned out the entire evening. But as the victim, I was absorbing the blame because I should never have been there to begin with. I should have found another way than acting as an escort to a bunch of CEOs. I was lucky the headlines in the papers didn’t read, “CEO Hooker Pressing Charges,” with a split shot of Holland and me.
I cried as I mourned the loss of Jase’s best friend, what he’d done to the group, the trouble it had all caused. My husband rubbed my back as I let all the emotion out. Every bit of weight I’d been carrying, hoping I’d manage to escape unscathed, was culminated in those tears. I had to release it—let it go. I vowed to myself this was the last time I would cry over any of this. I was done with it. What happened from here on out was not in my control, and I wouldn’t take responsibility for it.
When I shed the last tear, I stood, walked to the bathroom, and splashed cool water on my face. I emerged feeling drained but better. “Let’s take the kids to the park. I need some sunshine.” We all needed to get out of this house and out of our heads. The kids needed to play and enjoy the beautiful weather, and I wanted to hold my husband’s hand in the park as we walked around, watching them.
~~~
The day before we planned to meet Jase’s parents, our family unit became official. We’d all gotten up early—the kids were more excited than Jase was if that was possible. They’d all gotten new outfits to wear to court and couldn’t wait to get to meet a real judge.
I missed that kind of awestruck wonder the world holds at their age. I loved seeing it on their faces. They couldn’t sit still and drove us both bonkers waiting for the time to come to get in the car. Emmy was by far the worst. She had refused to let Jase out of her sight because she was afraid he might miss it. I tried to reassure her Jase wouldn’t miss the court date. I wouldn’t let him, but she wasn’t convinced I had the power to persuade him.