Fall (VIP #3)(122)

Libby’s mouth falls open. “I can’t believe I didn’t make the connection before. This looks exactly like her house.”

In other words, my dream beach house.

“You want to hear the scary bit?” Brenna says, wide-eyed herself. “Jax was in charge of design.”

“What?” Sophie gapes. “Mr. English Manor did this?”

It hurts to hear his name. But I have to face it sooner or later. I speak past the lump in my throat. “John has a good eye. Anyone who can successfully blend antiques with a modern loft would have to.”

Awkward silence swells, and it’s clear they’re all unsure how to answer. I force a tight laugh. “I’m not afraid to say his name, you know. He isn’t Beetlejuice or anything.”

“You’re right.” Sophie links her arm with mine. “I still feel bad about cramming him in your face. I didn’t think.”

Brenna cringes. “I didn’t either. We should have gone to a resort.”

Warmth spreads through me as the other girls nod. Every day I’m around them, I feel a little more normal, a little less alone. The absence of John is still a gaping wound in my chest. But at least I can walk without hunching over.

“If it weren’t for you guys, I’d be curled up alone on a hard bed feeling sorry for myself.” I can’t quite look anyone in the eye, but I push on. “This means the world to me.”

They’re all staring. God, hide me now. But then Libby hugs me tight.

“It’s hard opening up, isn’t it?” she whispers in my ear with a tone that tells me she knows exactly how difficult it is.

I give a quick nod as she lets me go. And then it’s like the whole exchange never happened. They’re all happy chatter and showing me to my room. I feel almost normal when we finally end up around the pool.

Because it’s hot as hell, I take a floating lounger and drift along in the cold water, idly sipping the Mai Tai Brenna fixed for me. Libby floats along at my side.

“So, you’re a professional friend?” she asks me.

“I am.” I smile wryly. “You know, aside from pet sitting.”

She laughs softly. “How does that work? I mean, are there really that many people looking for a hired friend?”

“The world is filled with lonely people. Most of us forge our friendships in childhood or college. Maybe you make a core group of friends at your first job. But if you miss those friendship milestones?” I glance around at them. “Or a permanent change in your lifestyle has you drifting apart from your old friends, what then?”

“It happened to me,” Libby says. “The drifting apart. I spent over a year alone, not talking to anyone, before Killian ended up on my lawn.”

“And what do you do if no one drifts into your life?” I say. “How do you make new friends? It isn’t that easy. When you’re older, you’re less able to trust new people or let yourself go.”

“I hate making friends,” Brenna grumbles, her nose wrinkling. “Actively hate it. Most people I meet end up asking for concert tickets or want to meet the guys.”

Sophie hums in agreement. “It feels different with you guys. Safer, I guess. Because we aren’t looking to get anything from the other—just companionship.”

I watch them from my spot at the edge of the pool. “I didn’t want to get in the car with you because I don’t know how to do real friendship. It’s like an ill-fitting dress that I’m always trying to tug into place.”

Brenna’s eyes grow soft. “But you did.”

“Because you’re in, just as we are,” Sophie says.

In? I shake my head sadly. “I’m not, though. I’m completely out.”

Sophie scoffs. “Even if you never speak to Jax again, you’ll still be in. You’re one of us now. We don’t abandon our friends because our other friend is being a dillweed.”

I laugh softly, appreciating the sentiment. But I don’t want to talk about John. “Anyway, I had more customers than you might imagine. But I’m quitting.” I trail my fingers through the cold water. “It started to take too much out of me. And, really, it was never a permanent gig.”

Libby pushes off from the corner and skims across the pool, her eyes squinting in the sunlight. “What are you planning to do now?”

Panic. Cry. Wall myself up so tight, no one gets in again. How long is this going to hurt?

I stuff those wild thoughts away with a long sip of fruity cocktail. “I honestly don’t know. It was stupid of me not to start a career. Here I am at thirty, and I might as well be fresh out of college for all the planning I’ve prepared. ”

“I never had a clue either. Killian got me into singing. Even then, I resisted because I was scared.”

“I love to fly planes,” I tell them. “But I don’t want to do it as a career. If I’m honest, the kind of flying I want to do won’t pay for a place in the city.”

Libby’s eyes go wide. “What kind of fly do you do?”

“Aerobatics.”

“That’s so cool! Will you take me up some day?”

“Sure. I can take anyone who wants to go later this week, if you want.”

Instantly, all of them jump on the chance, with Libby doing a little happy dance in her pool float. Laughing, I make mental notes on how I can organize the flights. “I’m surprised John didn’t tell you guys about my flying,” I say when I’m done planning.