Fall Back Skyward (Fall Back #1)(62)
We stay like this, his breath feathering the hair on the nape of my neck and his fingers gripping mine as though he never wants to let go.
When I wake up in the morning, Cole is no longer by my side and the space he was laying on last night is cold.
“HOW OLD ARE YOU AGAIN?” I ask Megs, while lying on her bed Thursday after school.
I move my gaze from the white ceiling to the doily on the night stand and the two on the dressers. “Even my grandmother doesn’t have that many doilies.”
“Oh pssh. You’re just jealous.” She huffs and I laugh. “My Grams has a thing for doilies. Anyway. Stop avoiding my question. You need to talk to Cole. He’s going crazy.”
The hand holding the nail polish brush stops. I looks at her. “What if I carry that obsessive gene? What if I’m like my dad? Gosh, I don’t know.” I finally voice my fears.
“Listen, Nor. You are nothing like your dad. You care about the people you love. You don’t have a mean bone in your body.” She falls quiet for a few seconds, then says, “Does he know how you feel?”
I sit up quickly and stare at her. “My feelings?”
She laughs. “Yes. You love him.”
“Is it that obvious?” Oh. God. Has Cole seen whatever Megs sees when she looks at me?
She nods, closing the cap of the hot pink nail polish bottle and puts it on top of the nightstand and then stretches her legs and wiggles her toes. “You two gravitate towards each other like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Have you asked him to be your date at the Winter Formal?”
I bite the inside of my cheek and shake my head. I should be excited about attending a school dance for the first time in my life. Instead, I’m worried that if I tell Cole about my dad and his mom, I might jinx us.
Crap. I feel as if the room is getting smaller and my breath is coming out in little bursts of air. I stand up and quickly hug Megs before dashing for the door. “I love you. I will let you know once I ask him,” I yell over my shoulder, while heading for the stairs. A hand grabs my upper arm before my foot hits the bottom step, halting me abruptly. I turn around to face Megs, her eyes soft.
“Call me, okay? I love you and all your weirdness.” She wraps her arms around me without asking me why I bolted out of her room. Without looking at me like I’m crazy. I return her embrace, my eyes prickling with tears and my heart aching with profound gratitude.
This. This is how it feels to have someone understand you, even though they’ve never walked a day in your shoes.
“I love you so much,” I whisper. “Thank you.” I feel like I’ve known Megs my entire life. I can’t imagine my life without this girl in it. Just as I cannot imagine my life without Cole. Both of them understand me and feed my soul on different levels.
As soon as her arms drop away from my body, I shove my feet into the flip-flops, unlock the front door and jog the rest of the way to mine before bounding up the stairs. My breath is ragged and my chest hurts as I enter my room. I strip off my dress and put on my running shorts, grab some money to buy ice cream and head out for a run just as Cole’s car pulls into his parking spot outside his house. I stop and watch him get out of the car, and my fingers shake at the mere thought of sinking them into his hair. My body shivers, wanting him to hold me. I can keep the little secret about our parents a bit longer—until I speak to his mom—but I don’t have the power to walk away from him. He closes the distance between us in long strides and immediately cups my face. Before I can open my mouth, his lips are claiming mine in a ruthless, desperate kiss. My arms wrap around his neck and I’m three seconds from climbing into his skin, ignoring the thoughts whipping around in my head that I shouldn’t kiss him like he is the air and I’m dying, dying, dying. His scent with a hint of sweat wraps around me, comforting me.
Cole hums under his breath as the kiss slows down, his fingers gentle as he tucks wisps of hair behind my ear. He raises his head, questions in his eyes.
I drop my hands from his arms. “Do you want to join me for a run?” I sign while speaking the words out aloud. He nods and opens his mouth, but I place my finger on his lips to stop him. “No questions, please. I’m sorry for worrying you, but I just need a little more time, okay?”
He studies me, his eyebrows scrunched up in a frown. I hate doing this to him, but this is something his mom should tell him. And if she doesn’t, I will take matters in my own hands. He exhales in resignation, drags his fingers through his hair and nods again.
We end up at St. Christopher’s, and we walk in past the little board, announcing that a Fr. Joseph is taking confessions. And just for a second, I wonder if Fr. Joseph would be shocked by the state of my thoughts. Is plotting ways my dad could die a sin? Is it the same as committing murder?
Cole’s hand presses on my lower back, as he urges me to get inside the church, successfully pulling me out of my thoughts. As soon as my backside hits the bench in the first row, I exhale and close my eyes.
God, I’m so ashamed of those thoughts. Make him go away, please. Just make him disappear. Opening my eyes, I link my fingers with Cole’s and lean my head on his shoulder. He kisses my forehead and slides his free hand around my shoulders, holding me close as we wait for my riotous thoughts to settle.
Thank f*ck it’s Friday. Just a few more minutes until this lecture is over. This week has been torture. My mind has been preoccupied during the entire class. I can’t stop thinking about Josh lying on that hospital bed. He looked so f*cking fragile. Now that he is home, Mom is making sure he follows his diet at least for the duration that he will be home.