Ever the Brave (A Clash of Kingdoms Novel)(106)

The sight of Cohen—coat off, tunic stained with sweat, arm muscles flexing with each strike—swipes my breath.

His swings are fluid and precise. Like chopping wood is a dance instead of a chore. I could watch him do this, watch the way his body moves, for days. The familiarity I’ve missed so much beats through me.

I don’t speak, so it takes a half-dozen logs before Cohen glances up and notices my presence. He slams the ax into the wood and leaves it. Sliding his forearm across his brow, he clears the perspiration from his eyes and studies me.

Seeds, I want him to talk, to say my name, to say anything. The last time we were together was punctuated with awkwardness. I’d just told Aodren that I could never love him the way I love Cohen. This man before me is my best friend, my support, my champion. And while he might sometimes be stubborn and mulish, so am I.

“Hi,” I say at the same time he talks. Thankfully it comes out clearly despite my club of a heart banging on my ribs.

“I didn’t realize you were coming home so soon.” He slides a handkerchief from his pocket and mops his brow. Lips sucked between teeth, he gazes at my cottage before refocusing on me. “I—I’m sorry you found me here. I was . . . I mean—” He sighs.

I’ve never seen Cohen this flustered in my life. It’s endearing and adorable.

Finally he gets the words out. “I saw you were back, and I wanted to have the place ready for you.”

The banging inside my chest stops. Inside it feels like my heart’s suddenly about to burst.

“Cohen.” I walk forward. “You didn’t have to do any of this. But I’m grateful. Thank you so much.”

He hangs his head and murmurs something that sounds like “It’s all I can do.” He lifts his chin. “You did well today. You . . . you looked stunning. You were confident. You commanded everyone’s attention. I was so damn proud of you. And I know if Saul were here, he’d say ‘well done.’”

His approval warms me from the top of my head to my toes.

“Thank you. Do you want to come inside?” I smooth my hands over the waistline of my dress. “You look like you could use a little rest.”

He chuckles and follows me to the door, but stops before entering. He studies the wood grain and frowns.

“Actually, Britt, I’d probably better not.”

My name on his lips shoots a tremor under my skin. I’ve missed the sound of him saying it. “Oh? Do you have to get back to the castle?” I toy with the door handle, pretending I’m not a little bit devastated.

He shifts his weight on the moss-covered stones just outside my cottage door. I notice that the snow has been shoveled to the sides of the walkway. “No, I just think I’m going to need some time to get used to being around you.”

“Why is that?”

He tugs on the back of neck. Lets out a heavy exhalation. “Thing is, I love you. I love you so much that it hurts to be around you and not be yours. I know I said you should take some time and decide what you want. I want to punch myself for even suggesting it. But then . . .” He drops his head, and the words seem to tumble out end over end. “I can understand why you’d pick him. He’s a better man than me. He’s not a jealous fool. He’s not made an arse of himself trying to protect you from things you’re perfectly capable of handling. He hasn’t wronged you like I have.”

Cohen looks up at the sky. The sun paints the curves and valleys of his features, showing that he’s lost weight in the weeks we’ve been apart. “I can be your friend. I can. I need time.”

I feel the chill in his words. The liar.

I think of the faults he just listed about himself and smile inwardly. I spent so long putting Cohen on a pedestal that I didn’t realize he had faults. However, at the same time, I wouldn’t let myself believe I was a good match for Cohen because all I could focus on were my shortcomings.

Neither one of us is perfect. We make mistakes all the time. But we’re changing. We’re growing. We’re learning to be better for each other. He’s not the same Cohen who held secrets from me and went overboard in efforts to protect me. I’m not the same Britta who trusts no one and avoids going into town for fear of townspeople’s ire.

I used to believe that a happy life with friends and family wasn’t fated for me. That Cohen wasn’t meant for me because he could have anyone else.

But I was wrong. I didn’t believe in myself enough. I didn’t see my worth.

Loving yourself, and believing you are good and capable, is a journey. One that I want to take with Cohen.

I close the distance between us and force his hand open so his fingers can wind into mine. “Thing is, Cohen, I love you too. I want you to come inside with me right now, and I don’t ever want you to leave. I care for Aodren. As a friend. He’s not the man I want. The man I love is sometimes jealous and sometimes a little overprotective. But we’re working on that. And I have to disagree about Aodren being the better man.”

I brazenly run my hand over his chest.

His eyes flash before softening. He grabs me to him. At the same time, he reaches back and opens my door. We stumble over the threshold, our boots clattering against the wood floor.

A laugh, and then his heartbeat kicks against mine. His nose runs along the column of my neck before he draws in a deep breath of me. “Is that so?” His voice takes a husky turn I feel down into my core.