Ever the Brave (A Clash of Kingdoms Novel)(105)
It makes my steps into the room a little harder to take. But I continue on. When we reach the three stairs that lead up to Aodren’s throne, we lower ourselves into curtsies, our dresses draping on the floor, mine a puddle of palest blue.
Katallia had this dress made to resemble Cohen’s dress. It’s the same color and cut the same way. I’d hoped when Cohen saw me he’d . . . actually, I don’t know what I’d hoped. I’ve had a month since last seeing him to think about us. To ponder our connection and whether or not it influenced our relationship. It took over a month for my body to completely heal. In the time we’ve been apart, I’ve grown more certain that regardless of the connections I’ve had, and the current lack thereof, I love him. I love his desire to do what’s right. I love his recklessness. I even love his protective nature.
I wanted to tell him these things face-to-face. That’s why I waited.
I also hoped he’d be here to see me embrace who I am. It’s taken all this time apart for me to accept that being a Channeler is integral to who I am. And it’s not something I ever want to hide again.
My smile slumps, but I hitch it higher. Today I serve a great purpose. One that feels surreal and at the same time perfectly right. “Your Royal Highness, may I present my fellow Channelers, the women of the Guild.”
A few murmurs echo through the room. Under the lantern glow that paints the surrounding columns in golden hues, a handful of lords and ladies sit stiffly in their seats, whispering behind gloved hands.
I notice them, and just as quickly dismiss their chilling reception. Many people now understand for the first time that I am a Channeler. Not everyone is bound to be open to the idea of Channelers in Malam. It’ll take time. But thanks to the decree, we’re not hiding and living in fear. Even so, every now and then the temptation to be afraid comes, but I tamp it down. I have as much right to be here as these people. After all, I am Saul Flannery’s daughter.
Aodren asks us to rise. He then stands and bows in return to us. “Your presence here is always welcome. We are honored by your service to the kingdom.”
Broken applause can be heard throughout the Great Hall. I jerk in surprise, shocked that anyone would be pleased. At least half the room isn’t showing any form of approval, but I cannot ignore the half that is. Having been a pariah for so long, the support of anyone in the nobility is overwhelming.
Reading my confusion, Aodren gestures to me once more and a few more claps are added to the crowd’s cheer. My heart expands. Tears of wonder blur my sight. I blink them away so as not to embarrass myself.
Aodren walks down the steps and extends his hand to Seeva. She takes it and follows him up the stairs, where he gestures for her to take a seat beside the other nobility at the head table. “May I present Miss Seeva Soliel, Channeler ambassador from Shaerdan, and newest member of my Inner Advisory Circle.”
The nobles’ focus shifts to Seeva, and I exhale in relief—a breath it seems like I’ve been holding all my life.
As we’re ushered to our seats, I catch a glimpse of a decorated guard beyond one of the pillars. He’s standing inside the castle’s hallway, ribbons adorning his royal coat. The sight of his sable hair and golden skin set fire to my veins.
Cohen.
He’s in the exact spot we said goodbye, last time we were in the castle.
Even though we no longer share a bond, every particle of me yearns to go to him. To touch him and breathe him in and put my arms around him. To tell him I know exactly who I want.
But Aodren begins talking, and now that I’m nobility, I have to show some decorum.
It’s late in the afternoon when the nobles’ lunch is over. The moment we finish, I’m on my feet and cutting across the hall to the passage where I last saw Cohen.
But when I get there, he’s already left.
I take the road along the Evers that leads to my cottage.
Drained from a day spent with the nobility—a day in which I’ve conversed with more people than in the rest of my life altogether—I want nothing more than to curl up in Papa’s chair beside a warm fire and listen to the silence of the woods from my cottage.
I sent word to Gillian that I’ve returned, so I’ve no doubt she’ll come visit later. I considered sending Cohen a letter as well, but I didn’t know where he’s living. I assumed he was in the guards’ quarters. Only, when I inquired about where Cohen is staying, Leif shook his head and shrugged.
On the way home, the sun peeks from the clouds. Now that I’ve come down from the high of the nobles’ lukewarm reception, the gnawing ache of missing Cohen intensifies. I really hoped for a chance to talk with him. Despite the afternoon light, sadness has a way of burrowing under the skin and turning even the brightest day bleak.
When my cottage comes into view, I notice smoke wafting from the chimney. Gillian must’ve made it here before me.
Happy to see her, I force a smile over my frown. I ride Snowfire into the yard and dismount. After leading her into the stable, I remove my gear and take a few minutes to brush her down. Her water’s already been topped off. Another Gillian surprise, perhaps?
I rush out of the stable to thank her for doing so much, when I notice that Papa’s cottage has never looked so good. New paint, mended roof, pruned trees. When did she have the time or energy—or the know-how—to do all this?
Following the whack, whack, whack of an ax, I walk around the back of my cottage.