Epoch (Transcend Duet #2)(69)

I step inside. It’s not a happy place.

“Want to talk about it?”

Swayze stares at her phone. “No.”

“Do you want me to suggest songs for a better playlist?” That makes her smile a little more believable.

She turns off the music and stands. “Where’s Morgan? If you left her in the car, I’m going to have to report you.” Brushing past me, she walks outside, scuffing her boots like a lazy child.

I follow her. “My parents are watching her while I run a few errands.”

“I’m an errand?” Banging the snow off her boots, she opens the back door to the house.

“Yes. You’re my last errand.” I slip off my shoes after stepping inside and shutting the door.

“You want to know about the hypnosis. Am I right?” Plopping on the sofa, she snatches the blanket off the back of it and wraps it around herself.

“No. I’m just checking on you. That’s all.”

“Oh, well, here’s the update: I’m still relatively stable. You don’t have to worry about my mental state. Morgan will be safe with me.”

“I trust you implicitly with Morgan. I’m only here as your friend. Even mentally stable people need friends sometimes.”

Her lips twist, eyes narrowed a fraction. “Fine. I like the kind of friends who braid each other’s hair. Do you know how to braid hair, Professor Hunt?”

“I can’t tie a tie. Do you really think a French braid is in my repertoire?” I sit next to her on the sofa.

“You have a daughter. You need to learn how to braid. I won’t be around forever to do things for you.”

“No? Where are you going? I hope somewhere warm.”

She nudges my leg with her foot. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Never.”

Her smile keeps slipping. I want to catch it and glue it in place. She has the brightest smile. It’s crushing to see her without it.

“The hypnosis. Mostly my parents and my eleventh birthday party.” Her gaze finds mine.

I just listen.

“I got a new bike. And my mom—Daisy’s mom—was my friend. I’m friends with my mom now, but when I was younger, she was more concerned about my potential than things like helping me find the right dress for homecoming or braiding my hair.” She grins a little more. “Daisy’s mom braided her hair. See how girls remember that? You need to learn how to braid hair, Nate.”

“You know, that life is gone. Is it worth giving up everything just to remember it?”

“You mean Griffin?”

I nod.

“Limbo is a miserable place. I’m a miserable person feeling stuck in the middle. I need to know everything or nothing. It’s like walking barefoot on the beach is no big deal, but having a few specks of sand in your shoe is unnerving. Griffin deserves to be with someone who isn’t stuck in the middle. And Doug Mann needs to be in prison. It’s that simple.”

“Swayze, you deserve happiness. It’s that simple.”

She shrugs. “I’ll find happiness when the time is right. Our timing just wasn’t right.” Looking away, she swallows hard, negating everything she just said.

“If Doug Mann weren’t part of the equation, would you still feel this burning need to know more? Would you have let Griffin leave without you?”

An unvoiced snort-laugh escapes her nose. “It’s a moot point. But after what happened between us …” She turns back to me.

I want to shrivel up and die like the asshole I am for kissing her.

“I had to let him go.”

“It was just a kiss.”

Her face contorts into a painful scowl. “It wasn’t just a kiss. And you downplaying it only pains me more.”

“If not just a kiss, then what was it?”

“Stop.” Tossing the blanket aside, she paces the room. “In college I had sex that was less stimulating than that kiss.”

I bite back my chuckle. “Maybe you just had low standards.”

“Fuck you.” Her eyes narrow at me.

“Yeah, fuck me.” I stand.

“Why?” Her voice loses all fight. “I get the kiss. There’s this part of me that’s wondered what it would feel like. This deep-seated curiosity grew more with every story you shared about you and Daisy. The more I felt like I had to be her, the more I wanted to feel what she felt. And…” she shakes her head, arms hugged to her chest “…the one thing I wanted to feel more than anything else was you.”

“Swayze …”

Continuing to shake her head, she steps back as I step toward her.

Her hand presses to her neck just below her ear. “I thought you’d kiss me here, like you kissed her. Like her dad kissed her mom.”

After a few seconds of staring at the floor between us, or years into the past, her eyes find mine. “I wanted red and orange popsicles and stolen chocolates. I wanted to feel that young love. The butterflies. The anticipation. I thought it would flip this switch for me, and I’d remember what it was like to be that girl who fell in love with you. I thought one kiss could make that life real in my head.”

Popsicles and chocolates. I’m an asshole.

“But you didn’t kiss me like a fifteen-year-old boy would kiss a fifteen-year-old girl. You kissed me like an animal emerging from hibernation. Like a man coming undone from the inside out. Like if you didn’t kiss me, you would cease to exist.”