Ensnared (The Accidental Billionaires #1)(48)

Kissing her had been a compulsion I hadn’t been able to resist.

But I was absolutely not doing it again.

My guilt over her fall had nearly killed me, and I honestly wasn’t certain that I could go through that again.

The pain.

The terror.

The paralyzing remorse.

Every emotion had eaten me alive while she’d been recovering.

My nightmares had been real, and I never slept after I’d had one. I was too damn agitated to go back to sleep.

I rinsed myself, slammed the shower off, and got out to dry myself.

I cared too damn much, and I was no longer willing to deny it. And that made Jade a danger to my sanity.

If I fuck her, I’m done.

As hard as it was going to be, I had to cut her out of my life.

I’d get over it.

I’d get over her.

And she’d be safe because I wouldn’t be there to screw up her life.

If she was no longer around, she’d fade away and eventually just be a distant memory.

My chest ached, and I felt empty. In a matter of weeks, Jade Sinclair had turned my whole world upside down.

I needed it upright again.

I had to sleep. I had to eat. I had to not have a damn erection every single moment I spent with her.

My life was all about order and balance. I had too much responsibility not to maintain a cool head.

I tossed the used towel into the hamper and walked into my bedroom buck naked, knowing I didn’t have long to get ready for the gala.

My tux had already been hung on the door of the closet, so I reached inside a drawer to get a pair of boxer briefs.

As I pulled out the underwear, my eyes landed on a little red box that I’d put there soon after I’d brought Jade home from the hospital.

I wanted to just slam the drawer closed, but I couldn’t. So I picked up the box, and as I opened the lid, I felt my chest squeeze inside my sternum.

After the accident, I’d had a moment of temporary insanity and I’d bought the ring.

I’d thought I was ready to make a commitment because I hadn’t been able to imagine a life without her anymore.

The large diamond in a platinum setting was bright and fiery. It had reminded me of her.

I can’t do it. I can’t.

Nothing I felt about Jade was the slightest bit rational. I’d do something stupid again, and I’d hurt her. Yeah. Maybe I wouldn’t mean to, but there’s no coming back from death.

God knew that nobody understood that better than I did.

I wasn’t thinking about all the ramifications of a relationship when I bought this ring.

I slammed the lid closed.

“What in the hell was I thinking?” I muttered in a graveled voice.

I stuffed the box into the back of the drawer.

Not. Happening.

I was not going to marry her, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to stay around to make her life miserable.

I slammed the drawer closed.

Jade didn’t need a ring.

She needed a man who was always going to be there, somebody who wasn’t going to go bat-shit crazy if she so much as tore a fingernail.

That kind of behavior wasn’t normal.

It wasn’t healthy.

And it sure as hell wasn’t rational.

I need to get my control back.

I was also going to need some distance. It was the only thing that was going to help.

Jade wasn’t the type of woman any guy could walk away from easily.

She’s going back home tomorrow.

And damned if just the thought of not having her in my life all the time brought up an answering protest that I felt deep in my gut. In fact, it fucking hurt so bad I could barely breathe.

“Shit!” I rasped. “I’m so fucked.”

I walked into the bathroom to shave, trying desperately not to think about what was going to happen.

Because honestly, I had no idea how I was ever going to walk away from Jade.





CHAPTER 20

JADE



“A little more at the corner of your eye,” Brooke instructed me as she watched me apply my makeup in the mirror via an Internet video chat.

It had taken some doing, but I’d managed to get my laptop set at an angle where she could help me figure out all this makeup stuff.

I flicked the brush lightly in the corner of my eye. “When did makeup become a damn science?” I asked her.

We’d gone through a painstaking process of doing an evening makeup job, and I wasn’t sure I liked it.

Sure, I occasionally put on a little lipstick, and maybe some mascara, but for the most part, I wore nothing because I was outside in the middle of nowhere in all different kinds of weather. Generally, none of the stuff I was piling on my face worked in my usual environments.

Brooke laughed. “Honestly, I don’t usually fuss with that much makeup, either. But one of the local ladies had a class at the rec center, and I learned a lot. I’m trying to share my knowledge with you. You said you wanted to look good.”

I sighed. “I do.”

Brooke talked me through the rest of the process, and when I finally stepped back, I was reasonably satisfied. “I guess this is as good as it gets,” I told my twin.

“Turn,” she requested.

I turned around and took off the towel I was wearing like a bib to keep any stray makeup off my dress, and then stepped back so she could see me.