Don't Look for Me(71)

Nic was confused. He’d just said something entirely different not five minutes before.

“What about finding those investors? And the utility companies? I thought we were going to see if anyone checks in on the place—they left the gate open, right?”

Nic had just watched Reyes lock the chains as they were leaving. And now this sudden shift in his demeanor. He was distracted, like his mind was now preoccupied, unable to even remember what he’d just said to her.

“I think it’s futile—I know you don’t want to hear that,” he said. “It was cold and dark in there. No utilities running. And that broken window … we can still check if you want, but it’s a dead end. The fence is there because of that loony bin they wanted to build. Trust me,” he said. “I am the cop, you know.” He let out a slight laugh.

Nic was dazed. Things were moving too fast now. Why had they even come to this house? Because no one checked it. Because no one knew it was here. And now it was checked, with no sign of her mother. Reyes was right to be dismissive.

“What about Chief Watkins?” Nic asked.

“Don’t worry. I’ll speak with him as soon as I can. And I still need to find out about that credit card charge your father made in West Cornwall.”

Nic let all of this sink in.

She wasn’t losing her mind. Reyes was the same man who’d held her all night, who’d brought her coffee and taken her to this house. He’d told her about Chief Watkins even though it was likely to hurt him in the end. And he would find out the truth about her father.

“Thank you,” Nic said.

“And what will you do? Where do you want to go?”

“To the hotel, I guess. I don’t know. Where should I go? What should I do now?”

How pathetic she sounded, even to herself. But that was how she felt.

“I think you need to figure things out with your father.”

“Yes.”

“Who do you think it is? This other woman?”

Nic had her suspicions. “He has an office manager who’s divorced. Same age. He wouldn’t look for someone younger. He would want someone like…”

“Your mother,” Reyes finished the thought. “I get it. He lost her the same day he lost your sister. It makes sense he’d want to get that feeling back. When you lose someone you love that much, you want someone who was just the same. Because you know that’s the kind of person your heart desires and nothing else will satisfy it.”

Nic studied him now, curiously.

“Did you lose someone you were in love with?”

Reyes sat up straighter. His face flinched. She’d hit a nerve.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “That’s none of my business.”

“It’s okay.”

But then, he didn’t answer.

When they reached Laguna, Reyes pulled the car up to the curb. He handed her a piece of paper and a pen from the center console.

“Here—do me a favor. Write down your father’s full name. Make and model of his car. Where he works. The name of the office manager. Anything else that might help me look into this for you.”

“I don’t know…”

“Just write it down and then call me later if you want me to do something about it. I’ll wait to hear from you—promise.”

Nic wrote down the information, though each stroke of the pen felt like a stab in her father’s back.

“Do you want me to go up with you?” Reyes asked, folding the paper into his pocket.

“No, I’m fine. Will you come back later?” It was strange how she wanted to be alone but how it also terrified her.

“Of course,” he said. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

And then the anxiety shifted. As she got out of the car. Watched him drive away. And remembered the gate that was now locked at that house.

And who was this woman he’d loved and lost and was trying to replace? Maybe with her?

She walked into the lobby and smelled the sickening sweet pull of the bar, and the instant relief that was waiting for her there.





39


Day sixteen





Cyanide.

I taught this in one of my eighth grade chemistry units.

Hours pass as I sit on the floor and help Alice with her homework. She is very sorry about my daughter but life must go on. I must be a good mommy.

Thank you, Alice, for reminding me of what’s important.

She does a math problem on the other side of the bars. I sit cross-legged and pull from my memory what I learned years ago about cyanide. I steady my expression because Dolly’s eyes are surely watching very carefully now.

In small doses, the body will change cyanide into thiocyanate which can be excreted in urine. In larger doses, it prevents cells from using oxygen, causing those cells to die.

The heart, lungs, and central nervous system are the most susceptible. Symptoms can include shortness of breath, vomiting, dizziness, weakness, and confusion. Seizures. Cardiac arrest. Death.

Apple seeds contain amygdalin, which will turn into cyanide when exposed to the enzymes in the human gut. They must be crushed or chewed for the amygdalin to be released. It can take thousands of apple seeds to kill a grown man. But how many, I wonder, to make him sick?