Dangerous Lies(24)

He grinned, kissing my nose, but then a sadness fell on his lovely face. “If you don’t want to kiss me, it’s fine.”

I stood, grabbing both his hands and helping him up with me. Giving each hand a squeeze, I said, “I don’t know how to explain it. I just, don’t want to let you down.”

It was the truth. My first relationship turned out like shit, and if I could have a do over, with Jake, that would be out of this world. I wouldn’t want to mess it up.

His brows furrowed together. “Why on earth would you think that?” Taking my head in his hands, his eyes were storming when they met mine. “Whatever that monster did or said to you, was complete bullshit. I know you, Cora, inside and out. Just because we haven’t seen each other face to face for as long as we’ve talked, doesn’t mean we know each other any less.”

A tear escaped my eye, and I broke free from his hold. I needed distance. Emotions were creeping up from deep in my heart that I wasn’t familiar with, and it felt too good to be true.

“Cora,” he pleaded, following me to our bikes. His voice was softer. “I didn’t mean to sound upset.”

Strapping on my helmet, I wiped underneath my eye, refusing to show him how confused and upset I was becoming. I didn’t even know where to begin with explaining my tears. “Can we take the long way back?” I asked, pushing the thickness down my throat. “It’s beautiful out now, and I wouldn’t mind the extra fresh air.”

Jake gripped onto my handle bar. “Sure. Head back on the trail we came on. Whatever you’d like, Love.”

I nodded, and after a beat, he released me.

***

The trails were full of mud from the rain, making the trek all the more hard. It was fine, I needed the distraction. My brain was racing with every thought and possible outcome for my life. They ranged from moving to New Zealand and making babies with Jake, to him turning into some crazy stalker who would treat me ten times worse than Martin. I knew I didn’t deserve that, I had come to the conclusion when I decided to get the guts to divorce him, but the fear of repeating my same mistakes was very real.

I fought with my head, telling myself Jake was completely different, and it was okay to have feelings for him. So what if I had just signed divorce papers? I didn’t cheat on him, no matter how much it might look like I had if I suddenly fell in love.

Was that what was happening? Were these foreign feelings ones of love? My heart constricted in my chest. Did I really love Jake? Was that even possible?

I was so deep in my thoughts, that I completely missed the thick branch coming up on the path. It was too late, and I hit it head-on instead of bracing myself to roll over it. Instead, I stubbed it as if it were my toe on a door, completely flipping over the front of my handlebars and into a massive mud puddle just beyond the little bump.

“Cora! Are you alright?” Jake shouted, dashing off his bike and tossing it to the side, holding out a hand for me to take as I sat in the thick mud. I looked at both my hands, and down my body, and the insanity kicked in.

I laughed, full on keel over, belly laughed. My shoulder hurt from tucking when I fell in attempt to brace myself, but what else could I do? If I didn’t laugh, I would cry, and I was done crying.

Jake began to laugh, pulling me out of the mud. “I take it you’re not hurt?”

I swiped at streaks of mud on arms. “Only my pride. I can’t believe I did that! I must have looked ridiculous.”

Jake patted my shoulders and searched my body for scrapes, but it was impossible to see anything because I was caked in mud. “You were actually quite graceful. Good thing we’re close,” he nodded down the hill where his truck sat. “I might make you sit in the back with the bikes,” he joked.

I shook my head and smiled at him, then did my own examining on him. He had streaks of mud all over him as well. “Did you fall, too?”

“Um, no. You, my little love bug, were turning up mud into my face the whole way back.”

I covered my mouth to hide my smile. “I’m so sorry!”

He laughed. “It’s impossible to be in the rear and not get some dirt in your face. You’ll just have to hose me down when we get back.”

“Gladly,” I grinned, retrieving the bike and began walking down the hill with it. I didn’t need to risk another fall. In all, it did help me clear my head. I needed the giggle, and maybe even the pain in my shoulder. And if laughing myself didn’t help to heal my nerves, seeing Jake smile and show genuine concern sure made me feel more at ease.

I needed to let go and explore more with him. What’s the worst that could happen? I’d have a panic attack and scare the shit out of him? Go back home and figure out another way to cure my writer's block?

I needed to cleanse myself and try, just like I did when I got the guts to be done with Martin.





Chapter Seventeen





Jake was quiet the short drive back to his home. He smiled and would answer if I asked him a question, but something was bothering him. I couldn’t help but think it was because I threw on the brakes with him and diverted going further underneath the Willow tree.

“I’m going to hop in the shower,” I mumbled, taking out my hair tie and heading for the guest bathroom.

“Sounds good.”

I frowned all the way to the bathroom. I should have asked him to join me and help wash the mud from my body, allowing the innocent shower turn into a hot and steamy one, but no, I was a wuss. By his shift in mood, I’d bet he would have turned me down anyway.