Damien (Slater Brothers #5)(49)

“Cool eyes,” Damien murmured as he leaned closer to get a look at her. “One blue and one green.”

I stilled as he hovered close by without any indication that he would move.

I blurted, “You’re makin’ me nervous.”

“By being here?”

I bobbed my head.

“You said you wanted to talk to me.”

“I-I do,” I stammered. “I’m just … just …”

“Scared?” he finished.

I exhaled a deep breath. “Immensely.”

“Do you want me to go?” he asked, frowning. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

That was exactly why I was nervous—because he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, he made me feel … whole.

“Would you believe me if I said no?”

Damien’s lips parted with surprise, but nothing came out.

“Sit down,” I said to him. “It’s high time that I get this off me chest.”

Damien sat down on the settee across from me, and when he rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together, I knew he was as nervous as I felt, which allowed me to relax a little. I put the kitten back into the blanket on the settee next to me just to busy myself for a second or so. When I looked back at Damien, I spent a moment taking him in.

He was so handsome; it seemed unfair that someone could be born that beautiful. His hair, as always, was perfectly styled. It was tightly trimmed on the sides with a sick fade blending to his neck. His hair was thick; I knew from experience of touching it. It had a little length to it, not that anyone would know because he used hair gel and a hair dryer to get that perfect blown back comb over taper.

I focused on his face, his clear skin, and the stubble that had clearly grown a little from his last shave. His eyebrows had a tinge of darkness to them. They were light but nowhere near as light as his hair, which made sense to me. My hair was black, but my brows were naturally light brown. Unlike my brows, Damien’s were thick and nicely shaped. No doubt thanks to Bronagh getting her hands on them. His lashes were light and long, and they framed his stunning grey eyes that seemed to penetrate my very soul with one glance.

I knew every curve of his face, every flick of his hair, and every possible way he could smile. I saw him every single night in my dreams. I could draw him from memory alone … I had done so enough times. This man was under my skin and had been for a long time. This conversation between us was overdue, and I could only hope I could do it justice and give him the respect he deserved.

“I want to try.”

Damien tilted his head. “Try what?”

What’s meant to be will be.

I exhaled a breath. “I want to try bein’ with you … if you’ll have me, that is.”

Silence.

Oh, God.

A long period of deafening silence.

“Damien?”

He was staring at me, long and hard, and I found, at that moment, I would have paid any price and done anything to know what was going through his mind.

“Okay,” I said, rubbing my now sweaty palms on my leggings. “Now you’re freakin’ me out.”

“Sorry,” he said, unblinking. “I feel like this isn’t real.”

I looked down at Barbara when she meowed, then flicked my gaze back up to Damien. “It’s very real.”

“Are you saying … that you want to date me?”

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

“I am.” I swallowed. “But this is where things get complicated because I’m not ready to just be your girlfriend. I’ve so much goin’ on right now, but I don’t want that to be another excuse as to why I should shut you out any more than I’ve already done for the past year. I’m takin’ initiative ’ere, and followin’ advice given to me by seemingly everyone. That bein’ said, I want to go slow.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that we go on dates and we get to know each other because, let’s be honest, we’re different people than when we were eighteen. I want us to build up a trust, a better connection than we have now … I want everythin’ that couples do before intimacy happens.”

Damien licked his lips. “You mean everything we should have done before we had sex when we were kids?”

Exactly.

“Is that okay?”

“Are you kidding?” he exclaimed. “You bet your ass it’s okay … but …”

My stomach tightened. “But?”

“I want to know why you want this.”

I flushed. “What kind of question is that?”

“A valid one,” Damien challenged. “You’ve been ditching me all year, keeping me at arm’s length since I came home. You’ve been guarded, but now, suddenly, you want to try with me. I want to know why.”

I thought about that. Hard. Simply saying I was incredibly attracted to him didn’t seem a good enough answer. Not to me. I looked at Damien and repeated his question in my mind. Why did I want to be with this man? And just like that, the answer came to me.

“Because I’m tired of bein’ scared to accept that you could be it for me. I’m tired of worryin’ what could go wrong if I accepted you back into me life,” I answered, my voice tight with emotion. “I convinced meself that everythin’ that happened between us was your fault … and it wasn’t, Dame. I’m sorry for never admittin’ that before now.”