Crush(95)

“What?” she asked in shock.

I said it again. “Have you been considering his proposition while f*cking me?”

“I can’t believe you’re asking me that.”

My hands went back to their position above her head and I pounded my fists against the concrete. “You didn’t answer me, Elle.”

There was a hesitation in her movement when her palms lifted toward my chest. I wasn’t certain if she was touching me. I couldn’t feel anything. I was numb. She lifted her head to the sky. I did too. It was filled with a million twinkling lights and if I could reach up and grab some, I’d hand them all to her and assure her everything would be all right.

But I couldn’t.

A horrible sense of foreboding washed over me. She was going to accept his proposal. My gaze swept her, lingered on her lips, and I could see that truth in the way her green eyes dulled, in the way her shoulders slumped, in the way she had yet to touch me.

Outrage burned in my blood. “Why won’t you answer me,” I demanded.

Her eyes flashed to mine but she just stood there, staring at me, saying nothing.

Something in the air shifted.

I was losing control again.

I couldn’t stand the thought. I knew I was being too loud. I knew I shouldn’t be so hostile. I knew what she was going to say. And that was just it: she was everything to me, and I was going to lose her.

With that thought in my mind, I turned and started for my vehicle. Oddly enough, I yearned for the day when I thought I was the threat to her safety. When her being with me was the problem, because at least then I had a solution.

She grabbed my upper arm. I thought she meant to slap me or push me—I wasn’t sure. I froze. Her touch was doing something to me, snapping me out of the daze I was in. She placed her other hand on my other arm and stood in front of me, staring at me like I was the devil. I think she was talking, but the blood was swooshing so loud in my ears, I couldn’t hear.

I was going to lose her.

I’d just found her and I was going to lose her.

She shook me. “Don’t do this, Logan. Don’t shut down on me,” she pleaded.

I’d lost myself in my thoughts.

“I love you. Nothing has changed. I only told you that so you could understand that I’m not in danger around Michael. That I can use what he wants to get closer but I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. Never. Do you understand me?”

I blinked. “You’re not going to agree to his terms?”

Without hesitation she placed her palms on my chest. “No. I could never do that. I love you too much to lose you. But you have to trust me. You have to let me get closer to him. I’ll stall him while I secure my place in Clementine’s future.”

I stroked my thumb over her bottom lip. “As long as he keeps his hands off you, I will try to come to terms with the plan Miles has laid out. But Elle, if he so much as touches a hair on your head . . . I might just kill him.”

And this time, I meant it. I might not have had enough resolve to kill Tommy Flannigan with my bare hands, but if O’Shea violated Elle in any way, I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions.

Her hands slid up my chest and dug into my shoulders. “He won’t, Logan, I know he won’t. He won’t force me to do anything. He’s not like that with me.”

She was trying to convince me or maybe she was trying to convince herself, but either way, it wasn’t as if I had a choice. “Okay, Elle, I’ll go along with it as long as you promise to be careful.”

She lifted on her toes and kissed me sweetly, softly. “I love you,” she said again.

This time I said it back. “I love you, too.”

I just hoped it was enough.





DAY 34





ELLE


His breathing was steady and I timed mine to his.

In.

Out.

I’d been awake for hours, talking myself off the ledge I’d found myself balancing on.

I was worrying my lip.

I hadn’t lied to Logan, but I also wasn’t certain about what I’d told him.

I told him what I thought to be true. And the whispers in my head said everything was going to be all right. It was the logic in my brain that told a different story. I wasn’t quite sure Michael wasn’t going to pressure me the way I’d convinced Logan he wasn’t. My hope was that I could continue to stall him while convincing him Clementine’s future needed to be secured.

I had no idea if I could pull it off.

Lying on my side, watching him, I put my hand to Logan’s chest and felt the beat of his heart. It was strong and unfaltering like him, and it helped to soothe my ravaged nerves.

His hand on my back started to stroke my skin, and that, too, soothed me.

He’d woken up. I knew I shouldn’t have stirred him before dawn, but he’d already told me he had to leave early and I needed him this morning.

As if he could sense this need, or maybe because he just needed me too, he kissed my head and then disentangled himself from my limbs so he could slide down to face me. On one elbow, he said, “Good morning. You’re up early.”

I kissed his lips. “I couldn’t sleep.”

I was done not being honest.

My signal must have been crystal clear because his mouth latched onto mine instantly.