Come As You Are(54)

Courtney encourages me like a coach. “Come on, you can do it.”

I crunch higher, my eyes squeezing shut, my core shouting at me to make it stop. “Whoever invented core exercises is the devil.”

Courtney laughs. “Yes, whoever did is indeed the worst person in the world. But core is so good for you.”

I’m at Courtney’s gym the next morning, and she’s pretending she’s a personal trainer. That basically equates to her torturing me endlessly.

Grabbing an exercise mat, she flops down next to me and says it’s time for bicycle crunches.

I hold my hands to my cheeks and affect a scream, Edward Munch–style. “Nooooooo. That’s the ninth circle of hell.”

Laughing, she nudges me as she lifts her knees and embarks on showing off how awesome she is at biking on her back. “You can do it. I have faith in your stomach muscles.”

“My stomach muscles are Grumpy Cat today. Just like me. We hate everything.”

“You’re in a fun mood.”

“Oh, sorry. I meant to be more chipper, but I had my heart slaughtered.”

Her eyes widen as she crunches. “See? I knew you really liked him.”

I groan. “Of course I really like him. I told you everything. He’s wonderful, and amazing, and incredible, and this situation is absolutely like some ridiculous curse of the universe. It’s like my cursed wedding dress. Like Ray leaving me for no reason.”

She crunches as she talks, and it’s impressive. That must be some Guinness World Record feat, akin to contortionism or pulling off twenty-four hours’ worth of jumping jacks. “It’s kind of crazy that you finally met somebody who makes you feel like you can take a chance again, but you feel like you can’t take a chance with him.”

I sigh and drop down on the mat, my entire body going floppy and flat. “I can’t take a chance with him.”

Courtney shrugs as she cycles her legs. “Maybe you can.”

“If there was a way, I would’ve found it. I swear I would have.”

“This isn’t the Lost City of Atlantis, Sabrina.”

I shoot her a look. “I’m not saying it is.”

She hums. “You kind of are.”

I sigh heavily. “So, what are you saying, Courtney?”

“I’m saying that taking a chance with him isn’t some great secret mystery to unlock. It’s not a code to crack. It’s making a choice.”

I arch a brow. “It’s that easy? Just choose the dish from the appetizer list and have him for dinner?”

Courtney quirks her lips. “I suspect you’d like having him for dinner every night. Which is my point. You can choose Flynn. No one is holding your feet to the fire except you.”

I open my mouth to protest, but she holds up a hand and shakes her head, still crunching. “What are you going to do? Give up perfect guy after perfect guy?”

“He’s the only perfect guy I’ve ever met,” I grumble.

“Exactly,” she says triumphantly. “And you’re letting him go because you think you don’t deserve it. Because you can’t make time for it. Because you’ll never find another job again. Because of your brother. Because of, because of, because of. Jobs come and go, Sabrina. But good men?” She stops mid-cycle and sits up, ceasing crunching. “They don’t come around often. More like once in a blue moon.”

“He is pretty amazing,” I concede.

“Maybe it’s time to take care of yourself. Maybe this time, do what you want because you deserve it, not because it’s the ‘right thing to do.’ Do it because this is the only thing that makes sense to your heart.”

I inhale deeply, processing her advice, then narrow my eyes at her. “Stop being so wise.”

“I can’t help it. It comes naturally to me. Like crunches.”

And just like crunches, following her advice will be hard.

But what if it’s worth it?

What if he’s the chance I should be taking?

I flash back to my conversation with Kevin yesterday, to the questions he posed, to the truth I’ve known all along.

I know what I have to do. I have to do the right thing.

But I can also do the only thing I want for my heart.

Because she’s right. You don’t let a once-in-a-blue-moon man pass you by.



*

Flynn



I shoot at a cardboard cutout of a building. Dylan rounds the corner and aims at a guy we know who runs a food delivery app. “Take that,” he mutters, pointing at the guy’s back with his laser gun.

A beam of red light knocks the guy down. The dude falls dramatically and curses at Dylan. My brother simply moves on, hunting the next opponent. He’s a competitive bastard, and I’m playing laser tag with him in his CEO game at Chelsea Piers.

Dylan careens around the corner, taking risk after risk, firing and amassing the most points. That’s one of the things I’ve always admired about my brother. He’s more fearless than I am. He takes more chances.

He was always the one who was willing to jump. I was the thinker in our partnership.

But as I watch him giving his all, playing his heart out, I realize I could learn from him. Like Sabrina said, there’s something to our twin-ness. Maybe I need some of his Wonder Twin power.