Come As You Are(53)

I smile and cross my arms, making it clear how sure I am that my decision is my decision. “Good.”

He drums his fingers on the table and softens his voice. “My point is, don’t do this for me. Don’t be so stoic for me. I’ll find a way. Schools are flexible. I’m sure we can work out a different payment plan. Would you let me do that? Talk to them and work something out?”

“I’m going to get a job,” I say, standing firm.

“You’ve insisted on the bills going to you. But perhaps I need to do the insisting now that you’re giving up something.”

“Kevin, give me time,” I say, pleading. “Let me see what happens with the job.”

“I have faith you’ll get it, and when you do, I don’t want any more help.”

I scoff.

He laughs.

It’s a standoff, and soon I catch a train back to Manhattan, staring out the window as it pulls into the station, wondering what Flynn is up to tonight and if his heart feels like a lead weight too.

When I reach my home, I email the article to Mr. Galloway.





25





Flynn



The ball screams toward me, and I lunge for it, slamming it with my racket, sending it reeling against the wall. The blue orb slams the backboard before careening in my sister’s direction. She grunts, reaching for it, stretching her entire body perpendicular in a mad effort to reach the whizzing object. But it soars past her and skitters to the ground.

I pump a fist. “Yes.”

Panting hard, she offers her hand. “Congrats, you determined bastard.”

“Hey, it’s at least one thing I got right this week.”

“I hardly think beating me in a game of racquetball is the one thing you got right this week.”

“It feels that way since I botched asking Sabrina if she wanted to pursue anything more.”

Olivia shoots me a sympathetic smile. “It sucks, doesn’t it?”

“Royally.”

She taps my shoulder with her racket. “What really sucks is that you’ve finally met somebody who isn’t into you for your money, and you can’t have her.”

“Yes. Thank you for the reminder. Want to rub it in more?”

“I meant that as a good thing.”

“How is that good?” I grab a bottle of water and down some.

“Because you knew where you stood with her. She didn’t use you. She did the opposite of use you,” Olivia says, picking up a towel and wiping her neck with it.

“True,” I admit. “I knew where I stood with her heart. And I know where I stand with her life—not in it. I mean, what am I supposed to do?” I force out a laugh. “Buy the magazine?”

Olivia’s eyes become billboards, flashing the words aha. “That’s not a bad idea. That’d be a hell of a big gesture.”

“Somehow, I don’t think Sabrina will go for that.”

“But you could do it. That’s kind of crazy and amazing. You could buy the magazine and offer her a job there. Why not?”

I shake my head, dragging a hand through my hair. “She wouldn’t want me to. Ironic, isn’t it? I’ve been with a woman who wanted me for money. I finally meet someone who has literally zero interest in my wallet, and I can’t even use said wallet to my advantage.”

“That means you have to rely on your heart,” she says, tapping my chest for emphasis. “And let her know how much you love her.”

I straighten my spine at those words. Let her know how much you love her.

“You told her you’re in love with her, right?” Olivia continues.

I open my mouth to speak, but it turns out I’m speechless.

“Falling in love with her? You told her you’re falling in love with her, at least?” she asks.

I shake my head.

My sister rolls her eyes. “Men. You never learn.”

“You’re saying I should have told her that?” Maybe the cushion wasn’t what she needed. Or maybe I offered the wrong cushion.

Olivia raps the side of my head with her knuckles. “How does anyone think you’re a genius? Does the gray matter even work?”

“You don’t think it’s coming on too strong to tell her I’m falling in love with her?”

“Do you think she’s falling in love with you?”

I cycle back through the time we’ve spent together—our kiss in the costume shop, the way she looked at me at softball, the sound of her voice when we walked and talked.

I smile stupidly. “Yeah.”

Olivia moves closer, getting in my face. “Then how do you know what would happen unless you truly put your heart out? You’ve finally met someone you’re crazy about, and that means you need to put everything on the line.”

“But I’m not the one who stands to lose so much. How do I convince her? Without, you know, buying the magazine?”

“Hey, I still think that’s a fine idea,” she says with a wink. Then she turns more serious. “But there are things you could say to her . . .”

And she’s right. There are so many things I’ve left unsaid.



*

Sabrina