Close Cover (Masters and Mercenaries #16)(62)

He let the question settle over him, trying to shove out his irritation. “Yes, I missed it. I didn’t realize how much until now.”

“You didn’t come back for three whole years?” she asked. “You came home after the Navy though, right?”

“I did, but it wasn’t a good time. Zep was back, but he was sitting on Momma’s couch doing absolutely nothing with his life. Sera was pregnant. We had a fight one night and Momma told me if I hadn’t left it wouldn’t have fallen apart. She blamed me. Sera did, too. Zep barely looked up from his beer long enough to say good-bye when I left. I had an old friend in Dallas from the teams. I crashed at his place for my final surgery and then I got on at McKay-Taggart.”

“But then your cousin decides to sell out. That’s when you put your house on the market, found a highly lucrative job watching a moron, and now you’re coming home the conquering hero.”

He couldn’t let that by without clarification. “I put my house on the market, found a highly lucrative job, got involved with my client, and I assure you no one thinks of me as a hero here. I’m the fuck-up who nearly lost everything. I’m the one who married the wrong woman, who let his siblings become every cliché you can hang on a bayou rat. I’m sure the town is happy the business isn’t getting sold to that massive chain, but I don’t expect them to be happy to see me.”

He should have come back more often, should have done more than send checks.

“Why didn’t you?”

Had he said that out loud? Damn, he hadn’t meant to do that. “I was ashamed.”

She should know. He didn’t want to keep anything at all from her, but these particular stories didn’t show him in a good light.

“Ashamed that you had married poorly?”

His marriage was only part of it. “That I brought us to the point that I had to sell our business. It was my responsibility.”

“You were a kid. You did the best you could. We all make mistakes.” She looked back out the window. “I suppose in some ways I can understand why you did what you did. If my family needed me, I would do just about anything. Except Lila. We’re fighting. I mean I wouldn’t let her drown or anything.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“And yet, here I am.” She was back to staring out the window.

“What did Lila say to upset you? I thought it was something about me, but I’m pretty sure you hated me by then.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“You do a good impression.”

“I don’t hate you,” she said quietly. “I’m angry with you. I’m worried that if I stop being angry with you, I’ll make a fool of myself again. And Lila said a lot of things. She was being very snobby. She has this way of letting me know I’m not living up to her standards. Well, her standards include a disgusting pig of a boyfriend who hits on her sisters.”

“Excuse me.”

“Don’t. That’s not who you’re supposed to protect me from. Trust me. Laurel and I can handle Brock.” She sat back. “I feel bad that I said what I said to her though.”

“She should know who she’s dating, and I am going to protect you from everyone who means to hurt you. Or hit on you.”

“I’ve tried to tell her before. She tells me I’m making a big deal out of nothing.”

“She should believe you. She’s your sister.” His hands tightened on the steering wheel. “I could murder him for you if that would make you feel better.”

“Hmmm, assassination. I hadn’t included that in my decision pyramid. I’ll slip that one in and let you know what I think.”

“You won’t look like a fool if you let me back in. And I’m going to pay your brother back. Every single dime.” Shame rushed through him again.

She turned to him. “I’m already tired of being mad at you, but I can’t go back to where we were. Take the money. You earned it. It’s all right to take it. If I were in your position, I would take it, too. I’m not capable of being this angry for long, but I can’t let you break my heart again.”

“I won’t.” God, if she could forgive him, this would be an entirely different world. He might be able to survive this if she could forgive him. “I promise I won’t ever break your heart or your trust again. Chèrie, I’m sorry. Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you the last few days? I know I was with you, but damn, not holding your hand or seeing you smile at me has been hell. I’ve learned my lesson.”

She shook her head. “You misunderstand me. I don’t want to hate you. That doesn’t mean I want to be back together with you. I can’t. Not like that. Not again.”

The hope he’d felt started to flicker out. “Then what are you saying? We should go back to being friends? I don’t know that we were friends in the first place. I love you.”

“I think that’s guilt and a little bit of trauma. I’ve thought a lot about this. You feel bad that you let the Italian dude get close to me. We had that big fight and you sat there thinking how crappy it was that the last words you said to me were kind of mean.”

That was almost exactly how he’d felt but she was putting the wrong spin on it. “I realized how empty I would be without you.”