Chaos and Control(35)
He doesn’t say a word, but after a few seconds nods. His eyes look dark and dangerous in the overhead lighting. There are harsh shadows cast across his pretty face.
“Did you see me outside with Sawyer?”
He looks away. The muscles in his jaw twitch. “I don’t want to play games, Wren.”
“Then tell me the truth. I always want the truth,” I say, taking another step toward him. He is on one side of the hall, and I stand directly across from him. The space is tight.
“Yes,” he says. “I saw you there with him. It looked…intimate.”
I reach over and place my hand on his forearm, sliding my fingers down to intertwine with his.
“Nothing happened.”
“If you say so.”
“I do say so, Preston. Nothing happened between Sawyer and me, and nothing will.”
“I didn’t wait around to find out,” Preston answers. “But I did listen at my door to make sure you got home safely.”
I nod. “Thanks, I guess.”
“Well, I have to go.”
“Where are you off to, Preston-who-spies-on-me?”
He is quiet for a while. I’ve learned that this is his method. He is thinking and overthinking, debating the pros and cons of spilling some kind of confession.
“Coffee Call.”
“Really? That’s great. Can I come? Are you going to read your work?”
“No. I’m just going to check it out.”
“No to which question?”
“You can come if you’d like, but I’d rather go alone.” Preston sees my disappointment and works to explain himself. “This is something new for me, Wren. I need to go by myself. Plus, if I freak out and have to leave, I’d rather you not be there for that.”
I nod and look at Bennie’s wide-open door. I drop Preston’s hand and pick up my bag from the floor.
“I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow, and you can tell me all about it.” I force a smile on my face and head for the door.
“Good night, Wren.”
“Good night, Preston.”
Ink
Permanent purple ink
Over ribs and flesh of hips
Ribbons of black and rounds of gold No straight lines on her curves Flowing flowering beauty in an Asymmetric pattern
Interrupted by clothing
I want to peel away
Like the skin of a fruit
Every negative association
With this needled practice
Is forgotten as my eyes
Trace and follow and wonder
How it feels beneath my fingertips This brand, this embellishment Sinks and swells with her breaths As does my infatuation
- Preston
Chapter Twelve
Renegades
I’m startled from another nightmare by a loud ringing noise. At first I think it’s my alarm, but I remember I never set one. It continues for a few seconds and then stops. I hear Bennie’s footsteps and then a knock at my door.
“Yeah?”
She opens the door and sticks her head through. “There’s a phone call for you.”
“What? Here? You still have a landline? Who is it?”
“Yes, I still have a landline. Come on. It’s some guy.”
I grumble and fight my way free from the covers. Bennie points to the pantry. I step inside and pick up the hanging receiver.
“Hello?” The line is silent. “Hellooooo?” I sing.
“Wren, baby,” the voice says. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”
I feel like a bucket of ice water has been dumped over my head. My heart stops in my chest, my lungs won’t take in air. I’m trembling. I hold the phone away from my face, sure that he can somehow reach me through the line.
“I know you’re there, baby. Answer me,” the voice says again.
I don’t answer him. I step to the base, slam the phone down, and back away from it. I don’t even realize I’ve crossed the room until my back hits the opposite wall. I slide down, landing hard on my butt.
“Wren? Wrenie, what’s the matter?” My vision is blurred, unable to focus on anything. I can barely make out Bennie’s face in front of mine. She grabs my shoulders and shakes me. “Wrenie, I’m here. What is it?”
I clasp my shaking hands together and press them between my knees. I force deep, slow breaths in and exhale. I feel nauseated, like the room is spinning. Finally, I close my eyes and count down from ten. When I reach one, she’s still there, waiting for an answer.
“You called me Wrenie,” I whisper.
“That’s who we are, Bennie and Wrenie.” She sits on the floor next to me, her legs stretched out in front of us. I give her my best smile and feel my pulse returning to normal. I’m here with her. I’m safe. “Do you want to tell me what that phone call was about?”
I don’t meet her eyes and shake my head. I can tell she’s not happy with my answer, but Bennie lets it go. I know I can’t hold on to this secret forever, but I am grateful for whatever time she gives me. She stands and stares at me as she silently prepares her coffee. The only sound is the clinking of her spoon against the ceramic mug. I feel like she can see every skeleton scratching to get out of my closet.